Post published by LonelyStrength
I am tired of this BS! This past month I have relapse more than I ever experience in my life, I have zero will power and my hope is non existent, I feel so numb and out of touch with reality, I don't even know who I am anymore. At least I still ask for forgiveness.
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Tao Jones
For a little light reading, check out Charles Williams "Descent into Hell." A great portrayal of just what it does to us spiritually when we continue to give ourselves over to sin willfully. It ain't pretty! I lived there for over 25 years, and God never gave up on me and never failed to love and forgive. Don't give up hope! Today is always the right day to start a positive change. Bold, drastic action may be what it takes to break you out of your stupor. Be willing to do whatever it takes!
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Tao Jones
Joshua 24:14 “Now therefore fear the Lord and serve him in sincerity and in faithfulness. Put away the gods that your fathers served beyond the River and in Egypt, and serve the Lord. 15 And if it is evil in your eyes to serve the Lord, **choose this day whom you will serve**, whether the gods your fathers served in the region beyond the River, or the gods of the Amorites in whose land you dwell." (Pro tip: Do not choose to serve false gods. The hours are terrible and the pay stinks!)
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LonelyStrength
@Looking4Freedom , I can see my fapping pattern become more abnormal, escalating too much, and my mind just wants to look at harder shit porn and I hate it, I feel like Im throwing away my ability to have real sex just to have this rush, and I get scared cause I think I might not be able to satisfy my future wife someday.
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Looking4Freedom
@LonelyStrength what is the *cause* or *trigger(s)* that make you want to look harder at porn? Can you identify them? I have ED from about 20 years of PMO. I fear I can never please my wife again but I'm realizing how Jesus can make all things new. Porn and fapping have nothing to do with love and that's what sex should be about. Fear and stress also affect sex life. Are you married, single?
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Looking4Freedom
@LonelyStrength Don't let fear inhibit you. "There is no fear in love. But perfect love drives out fear, because fear has to do with punishment. The one who fears is not made perfect in love." (1 John 4:18). Check out Philippians 4:4-8, 13 for your worries. God bless. You have an interesting username but you can find strength not alone but first with Christ ("I can do all things through Him who strengthens me") and with brothers here.
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emanuel_free
Maybe this helps: "Don’t let the style throw you off. Hang in there to the end." Remember you are Secure because you are God’s child. (1 John 3:1-3) http://www.morethanasundayfaith.com/2013/03/who-are-you/
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LonelyStrength
@Looking4Freedom my triggers vary, id say the common one for would be alone and before I shower, and my mind just wants something more exotic I guess, and I jump around on the genre of porn, its weird cause I don't seek it before hand but only in the moment, escalates to fast.
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Looking4Freedom
@LonelyStrength. You are never alone. The Lord is there wherever you are. Jesus is Emmanuel, God with us. In the bathroom, wherever. Maybe to make yourself more aware of his presence, blast worship music that you can sing to in the shower. Kinda difficult to worship and think of porn, masturbation, or things "exotic" or erotic. As for me, I can't bring the internet (cellphone, laptop, etc.) not even clothing advertisements because they are enticements to look at images and videos which lead to MO.
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Looking4Freedom
@LonelyStrength are you single? married? do you have an accountability partner (AP), a solid Christian friend of the same sex you can be completely open with? Can you explain what you mean by "wanting something more exotic"? (without being too explicit). I realize that I have little power to change certain desires. I need a supernatural overhaul. David after adultery with Bathsheba cried to God "create in me a clean heart and renew a right spirit in me" and "wash me and I will be whiter than snow" (Psalm 51). Do you believe Jesus can do this in you also?
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LonelyStrength
@Looking4Freedom I am single, no ap, I do have my parents that know, but don't really talk about it, by exotic I mean different porn categories, I do believe but I get discouraged real quick.
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Looking4Freedom
@LonelyStrength I hope you keep coming back here for encouragement. share your journey with us. many of us, if not most, understand discouragement and struggling to overcome PMO. We walk together. I pray your faith and love for the Lord is renewed and strengthened. He loves you and you are precious to Him. Jesus went to the cross to pay for all the things that soil us and break God's holy standards. He rose from the grave so we might have new life and victory over all the things that kill us. He came to give you abundant life. I pray now you (and I also) crave the Lord much more than anything else this world offers.
Tao Jones likes this.