Post published by Texasisgreat

Hey guys I'm very new to this and I figured I'd start with my relapse this afternoon and kind of get out what has been in my head for years about all of this. I've got to the point where I watch myself in the moment go from seeing a very innocent video on youtube to looking up something a little more risque and so on and so forth and completely rationalizing it along the way. As much mental resilience as I want to express outside the moment, I guess I'm just as resilient in convincing myself that somehow it's ok. And I think that's the point of it all, I always rationalize it in the moment, even after telling myself "you are going to rationalize it in the moment so when it comes, don't do it." I figured this forum and site will give me some accountability because I have been fighting this for 12 years with no one holding me accountable. As a Christian it wears on me to know this is something that has control over me and is such a hard topic to discuss in a spiritual context with people because of embarrassment and, at least to my knowledge, is not a sin or spiritual issue people deal with as regularly as others. All this to say is that I want to rid myself of this habit and destructive behavior that I've been trying to rid myself of for over a decade now and I could use the help of people in the same boat as me that can hold me accountable and that for the most part, I can trust in their anonymity. Thanks in advance.