Back at day 7. Did not feel like it, time really flew with minimal struggles. Sleep has markedly improved although there is a persistent sense of minor anxiety. I did happen to see something for a few seconds but that came as a result of trying to test a potential loop hole. Turns out it existed... and what I had to do to ensure that potential loophole was closed was to downgrade my phone plan to a limited amount of hotspot data and burn through all of the data within the first two days of the monthly cycle. I also discovered that google's integration with android devices is even more invasive than I had previously known. I was able to deal with this by doing some command line stuff via ADB but I was surprised that I even was able to find this loophole - something I had done previously was 'supposed' to have taken care of this. I'm not gonna lie, at this point, I'm almost tempted to build my own OS. This morning was my first real experience of some symptoms - lightheadedness, semi depressive emotional state and the unjustified desire to randomly cry. I'm also finding myself having more trouble spelling words correctly when I type...
One of the things that has improved dramatically is the insomnia. I'm not at 100% but it is far away much better than it was. I still can't a full night's sleep. I'll get a total of 6-7 hours of sleep in a given night, but I wake up at least once. Last night it was 4 times. Has anyone experienced anything like this? I'm able to FALL asleep and enter a deep state of sleep but I'll wake up multiple times throughout the night.
Day 2 -- Feeling a little better but also impatient, really want to zoom through next week to feel more energy and less agitation/withdrawal, am realizing now though that tolerating difficult emotions, setbacks, etc is not a technique or a phase to get through but is a way of life (at least to a fair degree) hopefully the way gets easier with effort and experience
Urges were really strong last night and this morning. I went so far as to block wikipedia and reddit. Reddit I'm not super concerned about but I will miss wikipedia. I was not able to block specific subsites on wikipedia that were a temptation issue and had to block wikipedia in it's entirety. Will suffer through having no wikipedia up to atleast the 30 day mark :[ I'm feeling like I'm fully over the longCovid nightmare, that coupled with pmo recovery, seemed to have literally left me with no personality whatsoever. A good mount of my typical type-A, goal-obsessed, motivation is back. I'm seem to be over the anhedonia hump but man am I dealing with irritability and random weird mini-bouts anxiety/depressive emotions. Sleep still needs work, although it has been improving. Hope everyone is doing well.
Checking in. The last few days were difficult ones. I've never thought of myself as an angry or resentful person but as I'm going through this process I am learning that I do have some tendencies to be a little angry and resentful. I'm glad that I was able to notice this. So often it seems my brain can just block what it wants to block, but I really feel I have much better awareness of where my brain goes. Better day today so far. Overall feeling pretty good.
You're here brother, so its just a minor setback on the way to success anything in particular that triggered it?
