So here’s some context about me. Right now I’m 23 years old, over 100 days NoFap with no plans of stopping anytime soon, and currently living in my parents house (which I don’t really have a problem with). I have lived in Hawaii and New York by myself (in my own apartment) for 2 years, not sure if I want to do something like that again since the biggest problem was my loneliness. Not being with my family and struggling to find a relationship took a toll on me for the worse. The thing is, I honestly don’t want to rush this “find a wife” thing. Good things take time, I know that, it’s just… I’ve never been on a date before. I’ve never kissed. All I have are missed opportunities in my memories for who I could have dated. Also I want to wait until marriage to have sex (personal choice, please respect it). Sometimes I contemplate how long it’s gonna take until I finally get an opportunity to satisfy these romantic desires. Sometimes I wonder if it will ever happen. I mean, tomorrow is not guaranteed, you know? Anything could happen. The tricky thing is, it’s not like the desires just go away because “I’m not ready yet”. It seems like every day it’s always knocking on my door. Right now I’m trying to make some money to be able to hopefully live more independently. It’s just hard for me to believe that if I did get a girlfriend right now, that it would last considering I have no car, and no apartment, and I’m working on improving my finances. How would I take her on dates? How would that work? So my question is, is this a “you need to be more confident” issue? Is this a “you need to be more patient” issue? Or should I just forget about dating anyone entirely until I get my money situation figured out? thanks for reading.
The nature has its own way to unfold lives, so I would say if you don't feel like rushing, you can just keep waiting until you do, or you meet someone suits you by chance or so. It sounds perfectly fine to me even if one doesn't get married at all, as long as your parents are okay with it. In addition, this is a really great mindset. In my opinion, this is what sex is supposed to be. We should not do it for "fun". We need to save our sexual energy on things like our health and that of our children (healthier sperms means healthier kids), instead of wasting it here and there for brief moments of pleasure. We are men and we have responsibilities to take, especially when it comes to marriage. You may see it as a trial before marriage. If you can go NoFap for a long time while you are single, you gain control of yourself. Only after that, you can control yourself while having sex with your partner, doing it in moderation. Hope that helps!
I'm in a very similar situation in almost every way, except I'm 30 and not in Hawaii. I just got a new job I'm excited about! But then it left me feeling painfully lonely returning at small group tonight when all but me and two others went around the circle excitedly proclaiming the details of how they met their spouse/boyfriend/ girlfriend. I've started to hate hearing couples talk about how they met. They're so oblivious
I think you should wait at least till 150 days as its an average finish mark of this addiction, it may be more or less for you and then you can start your relationship as I have read many articles telling that the chaser effect due to those acts with their gf made their challenge of p harder to leave. So basically, to walk on a safer side, I will suggest not to hurry until you hit 150+ days in your streak and you experience that you are not getting triggered by those things any more.
I hate to tell you this, but actually I don't. Once you finally have sex, you are going to be severely underwhelmed.
Too many reasons to mention. But I will say this. I have done 3 full reboots since 2018. All on hard mode. 97, 233 and 194 days each. These are the real thing, no bs. And I just don't have that euphoric feeling when I M/O anymore. It's only about 10% as good as it used to be. I just don't receive dopamine like before.
And where did having sex fall on the timeline? Had you completed that 97 days right before hand, had you relapsed for a while, or what?
Yes, I did 97 days in 2018. At the end of the reboot, I had sex with a girl that year. Had sex with a different girl the next year. Then in 2020/2021/2022 were when I did the 233 days & 194 days.
I got my first girlfriend at 24 years old while still living with my parents and not being entirely financial stable either, although I did have my own car which did make it easier, I'd say just go for it because life is short and you'll regret not trying to go after things more when you're older. I know it sounds cliche but it's true, regret is a rough feeling to swallow when you look back 10-15+ years from now.
Gotcha. I mean, my own first time 90 days were a great milestone. I learned and improved a lot (documented on profile somewhere), but I knew very well by the end of it that that I wasn't cured yet. I knew then and I know now my brain hasn't been fully rewired yet but still see gradual improvement. I don't think that one mediocre experience with someone who's not even your wife is enough reason to make a generalization like that. At the same time, I would maybe agree simply doing no PMO in the hopes of increased sexual euphoria later, that's not likely to get you much improvement.
Dude. That wasn't the only woman I ever slept with. Even in the response, I told you about two different women. Before that I was married for over a decade. And there were more before that. So what I am trying to say is don't be so quick and fast to draw conclusions.
Ok, that's what I was thinking. So could it be that that affected your sex-life within that marriage?