day 11 woke up at 6AM or so... i have worked on a DIY project all morning long, there is not much time left before noon. i have some guests this evening, my daily workout needs to be completed, and i need to eat as well (food is not such obvious subject in my world).
did i mention that i felt like doing "it" ? the Force is with me, i shall not doubt that i am on a good path, this is a process not a sprint, i have hobbies that i can engage fully in when i give myself the time. i have hope !
day 62- jedi master learning the ways of the force has taught me a ton. i feel anger, but peace over powers it.
day 12, Master, i feel some frustration inside me. there is also a fear that i can lose my alertness and fall to the darkside at any moment... my desire for sexual pleasure is poking at me... i must focus. earlier today : today i woke up at 6:17AM feeling neutral i ate 2 eggs for breakfast as well as 250g of yogurt with jam. i did some engineering work, but not that much completed my daily workout (i worked out yesterday as well) 3x7-10 pushups 3x10 lifting 10kg of bottled water, each arm 6x10 abs played some guitar as well... not feeling like doing anything unfortunately... feeling okay, but nothing special, except an urge to touch myself. could it be the signal that i am bored ? masturbation leads to porn, i don't have any longterm proof it does not lead to porn, and i don't want porn in my life. so i must trust my body and my brain to rewire so i can do OTHER things, that add to my value as a human being. may the Force be with you fellow jedi.
day 13 felt bored to death yesterday... it seems that leaving porn left a hole in my life, a hole above a meaningless life i have yet to fill... i went to school today... it seems i am able not to care as much as used to which is great... i can finally look girls in the eyes, without engaging that much, now that my focus is on goals... i am no longer scared of triggering attraction or not being attractive. i must keep on making my words worth with action. i have not eaten much. i'm going to have a great lunch though ! my daily workout waits for me as well, i'm looking forward to seeing it over ! i know why i do it. may the Force be with us !