Feeling good. Way too much going on and that's just the way I like it now Day 6/154 (Days Clean Before Return Home)
Thanks brother, 3rd time that I reached that number but I promised myself that it's also the last time!
You're welcome. Thank you for you attention . Well, you hit the nail on the head, the temptation was there even there was no object of desire. I said that the main cause of those kind of thoughts arised from my body's addiction to 1_ sexual fantasies and 2_ porm or even 3_seeing the women's buttocks . I said it because there is no reason that those thoughts(intercourse between that nice girl and that elephant) come to my mind just by seeing that seen ,Plus before my unintentional involvement in porn ,I didn't have thoughts to that level of intensity, it was just minor thoughts talking to that girl and making friend,and in those moment my body's response was to trying to avoid it in just a few seconds. Yes, I think you right about the males hormones and the fact that males body wire in a way that say to him "go and go and make friends with her, please her, do something, make her body with your body one, and have sex with her". It gives you good feelings, because I think these thoughts contribute to release of sexual hormones.and I had them strongly and to a great amount. And my mind was also the way you mentioned , my mind used to capture the girls that was nice in shape, good measurement, fit ,and with big butt or hip , and it was thinking constantly about them. I didn't know why, and I didn't know the consequences, I didn't know I should not let them to wander in my mind, I didn't know it contribute to my body's addiction to these images, fantasies and I didn't know I was conditioning my body to release sexual hormones just by thinking. We conditioned our body to be triggered just by seeing or imagination about nude women. God bless..
it is indeed a base for growing . It is vital that we should have a body that don't be triggered by imagination or thinking , or itself bring those sexual thoughts in our mind because of addiction. Because till our body is in that state we no longer can think wisely, we no longer are ready to learn and memorize things. You mentioned a very great point bro. God bless you.
37 days "When one holds a dream independent of the environment, that’s greatness. Coming up, we’ll see that overcoming the environment is inextricably linked with overcoming the body and time. In Gandhi’s case, he was not swayed by what was happening in his outer world (environment), he didn’t worry about how he felt and what would happen to him (body), and he didn’t care how long it would take to realize the dream of freedom (time). He simply knew that all of these elements would sooner or later bend to his intentions." Joe Dispenza, Breaking the Habit of Being Yourself: How to Lose Your Mind and Create a New one
Yesterday was 107/365 Today - 108/365 Guys, I need to tell you that I am closer to relapse than ever. I ask myself: "Do I actually need a reboot? PMO is a good option to get rid of stress.". Tonight I had a wet dream, and the feeling of realising the tention was goot. I think I need to make a good analizys about the reasons, that had brought me into reboot, what benefits I got from it, and what are the benefits of watching porn (if my subconscious so wants it, probably for me there are benefits in it). Probably... Probably I've got a disappointment... I thought that reboot just by itself will make me more productive, that I will completely get rid of lazyness, apathy, low energy, ashameness in the face of social situations... But actually I didn't. It seems that this disappointment had appeared from false expectations about reboot. And now I have devalued the entire recovery, so much so that I am even ready to interrupt my streak, which will soon reach a year. You know, my nofap journey began from watching video "Great porn experiement", and that guy in the video said, that the guys who quit porn and masturbation, literally within a few months, become almost "super-people", they got rid of procrastination, laziness and social phobia. So all year I waited for all this to happen. But that did not happen. Do you think time plays any role here? Will it get better with time? Should I wait? Thanks for your attention!
Day 4 begins. Yesterday was pretty tough. Got better sleep last night and looking forward to staying free of PMO one more day!
I can't think of anything desirable that could result from your going back to PMO or MO. Anything that is stressing you out will still be there. Plus, at some point [a day, a week, a month, a year, 10 years from now...] you will look back and say, "Aw, man! I almost went a whole year without this junk! Now look at me!" That awful feeling will spur you even further in the wrong direction. I'm certain that at some point, you will regret it in one way or another. You can't just wait for life to come to you, it most likely won't. You have to take an active role in it. Somehow, get yourself out of your comfort zone a little. Do you have something specific that you would like to do with your life?
Nah, I PMO'ed. Forgive me. Mea culpa. The creepy thing about it is that this "free" site had a banner ad that knew my first name. Freaked me out, hopefully scared me straight.
