Relapse. (See Journal if you're interested). Will continue with Recovery but not with this Challenge. A little sad but that's how things are. I don't feel down. The addiction and the hours and energy I loose to it have become small compared to what I win in the Recovery Process. But I hope with confidence that one day I will be able to realize that mindset which I am focussing on and to be able to identify truely and fully with the quote which you see in my Signature. My best wishes goes to all of you! To everybody who's still in this Challenge: I believe in you! I think the mentality for thesekind of Challenges should be: one for all and all for one if you abstain from porn you help everyone else to abstain from porn and everyone is helping you. You get it?
Ah damn it! I'll give it another try. Day 1 But I can't check in on every single day. More like two, three times a week.
Day 4. I played drums for the first time in a while today. That felt really great and helped me get some energy out. I should keep that in mind for the future.
DAY 8 fri Just over a week now, and mentally I feel like I've picked up enough momentum to surpass the 30 day target. It feels good to have a clean n clear mind. Makes everyday life more enjoyable and I get more done in my day.
Day 27th of this challenge and day 76th of no P&M have passed. I am writting about both this days because I have to tell you that it was easier being on my 27th day of no PM than being on the 76th. I am in a big struggle with my desires. I need more than ever to be with an escort, or to masturbate. I am so close to relapse and is harder and harder to find the force in me to abstain. This is my journey. It is a continous fight. I want to finish this challenge and to reach 90 days. I just can't see me with more than 90 days. But the question is will I be there? Ok, I am addressing to those of you who are at the beginning of their journey, because is important for you to know that the first days/weeks are the easiest. Later will be harder so do not quite so easy. Make a great 15, ore 30 days challenge because you just can do it. And, more than this, after 30 days you will start to discover another, better you. You will be more logical and analitical in thinking, you will have a better memory. You will see in the mirror a changed person, with a healtier skin, brighter eyes. And a tip: after 30 days make a change at your look, cut your hair, let a litlle beard to grow, or if you are a woman, change your hair collour, change your make up. You will be inspired to find a better or perfect change.