My unique struggle with Femdom addiction ( almost 24 yo virgin with no gf )

Thank you for your reply dude

Maybe this will be weird for you , but i have been Deprived from females all of my life and i have never had a gf !
My only passion in life beside success in my study and finding a good job is to life a happy life and a happy life for me is attracting hot girls

I have tried that but it's ended like : normal ===> p***y licking ===> f**t licking === > Femdom
And suddenly find the site drive me to somewhere else @@

 

Why do you think this ? I will not do any femdom stuff with her !
Actually one of the roots of my addiction is not having female partner around me !
so i tough that femdom will be my only solution to be near a Beautiful hot girl even as her sub !

I don't think that i should explain more , just like every one on earth who is not okey with his looks
What do you expect someone to feel when he is 5.3 ft ? and average look ?

 

Broh i am almost 24 yo , every one in my age is running after girls willing to get laid !
so i don't think having a gf to fk will ever be a problem , at least by far better then searching a domme !!!

"Somewhere in life you must have learned that your look isn't oke."
#Society_beauty_Standards

 

Hh same here

 

I had Femdom Fantasy before even start getting bullied broh !
@Roady @JustinX @NZT 48 @ilovemyhand
But i was drilling in my memory and i start understanding some of reasons of this !!!

Triggers !!!
​

1) I had always a feet fetish and when i was a kid i thought the only way to practice this feet fetish is to submit and be a slave/servant , because we have been told that only slave lick and massage feet ! and it was a sign of humiliation and slavery
====> My feet fetish has transformed to feet worship then to Femdom and then to hard Femdom ideas ( whipping , collar,domestic pet ...)

2) I was a 8 yo kid and was getting sexually attracted to older womens over 20 with hot body/beautiful/strong ect ... and by that time i didn't have any idea about how sexual relation with womens works,
so my stupid brain thought that the only chance i had with her is to be her personal servant and sit naked beside her and serve her needs , that was arousal idea to me and start masturbating to her ... ( for example as a kid when i see Charlize Theron and girls like her speaking in a TV show crossing their sweet legs , it was impossible to date someone like her so my idea is to be her servant and getting used by her , maybe sexual ect ... )
===> So i thought that was the Sex and was masturbating on those idea without internet !

3) when i got older maybe 12-13 yo , and see a stunning hot female on TV i was always thing by the same way because by that way you can get Womens even far away from your league and i found it easier to fulfill my lust ....
Note : Most of fantasies was working while i am watching TV playing with my penis

4) The fanny part by the age of 14-15 maybe when i start watching femdom videos and every one start watching porn and my friends start downloading porn in their mobile phone and sharing and i saw what they are was watching ...
I SAID WTF !!! Is this the real SEX ? Really Ni**a ??
I have been in the wrong Adresse hhh ( i couldn't even mention porn stars names coz of i know are mistresses )
I got an internet connection and found a lot of sites and a lot of people like me and i accepted my Reality
( + I was surrendered always that with my look this is what i can have )

 

UPDATE :
Oh my problem in life that i am honest and i will tell every thing ok ...
This 12 years old addiction it so fking bitch ,
It's like a basketball the more you hardly kicked her the more she come back to your face !!!
I have a fight inside my brain , half wants to surrender and the other half wants to fight !
I don't wanna hide to you that i took a glimpse in Collarspace ( BDSM chat site warning !!! ) and trying to convince my self that that's a bullshit ( i couldn't ) , But i didn't masturbate ...
I took a glimpse to pornhube normale porn home page without opening any videos and the video are looking better then before !!!

Now i will Take it to the next level and i will never open anything except this site or maybe some hot Instagram profile ( normal girl profiles )
But i can't control my mind when he start creating Femdom ideas and missing his old days with dopamine

 

Okey I will consider this

 

UPDATE :

Okey let's write a little update here probably every one will think i just relapsed ^^'
But i stop logging here coz of triggers and last time i almost relapsed in aiden5 thread
( it was one of the best erotic threads i have ever seen )

Well today i close 30 days no PM and it's my birthday also so " gg ez "

But the depression hits me so fking haaaaard ! because there is a lot of reasons !
1 ) I am new in city and i feel like shit , i have few friends but not enough ...
2) Studying german in a small language school preparing for university ...
( so no student life yet )
3 ) missing my homeland and friends and family

4) The most important : i start my journey in PUA ( RSD's ♥) stuffs from 2 weeks and it's not that good still couldn't get a GF , only false numbers , FB and then no accept or number then no date even they are all average 5/10 girls ...
it's fucking boring and takes time + energy +rejections ...
You get a hit of dopamine while interacting/talks with the girl for minutes then when you comeback home you feel like shit especially when she don't respond to you

and finally discos , bars and night clubs are nightmare for a beginner ( especially for retarted dancer like me ) it's takes time and energy and even money and you go back home feeling bad coz you couldn't do anything ...

NOTE : I was used to fapfap every time i have a problem or bad day or feel lonely to feel good and using it as an escape but no i feel that i have lost my escape tool

I don't wanna come back to worshiping those whores and even if i will always be a submissive inside doesn't mean that i will surrender to any bitch
But in same time living with no masturbation and not having a pussy to fuuck is fuucking painful

 

OMFG !!! I relapsed after 43 day

I was so down , i was depressed , stressed and veryyyyy erotic , at the point that every fkin girl turn me on !!!
My NoFap transformed into a HUGE energy to chase girls and doing pua stuffs
I was overthinking so mush about girls , at the point that i start fucking up with my studies and i couldn't focus on my study in the last 3 weeks ...

My mistake that i was giving up and take a fast look from time to time to femdom forums ...

And today i decided to get rid of my desire/lust and relapsed on Femdom videos
I felt a bit better but nothing changes ...

I need to restart + some advice