Staring In Public

Why do I need to look?
She's often not looking at me. I don't need to look at everyone. I don't need to scan the restaurant or grocery store to appreciate all the woman's beauty. What am I missing out on? Feelings of deprevation after the looks turn into lust. Maybe I could check out a woman, and 9 times out of 10, it wouldn't lead to lust. But it's that tenth time that gets me into trouble.
The truth is that I already know women are beautiful. I don't need to prove that to myself by looking at or glancing at them. I can actually see them better when I don't look at them; a whole lot better.
I'm not going to speak for everyone else or anyone else. I'm only going to speak for myself. Me trying to practice looking or glancing without lusting is equivalent to a recovering alcoholic trying to practice drinking without getting drunk.
And there are lots of men that can appreciate a woman's beauty without it going to lust. I believe that there are a lot of members on NoFap that can look without lusting. I'm just not one of them. So I don't. And it's made my recovery journey a whole lot easier and funner. I finally found a solution that works for me. And I no longer have any awkward experiences with my wife feeling disrespected because I failed to maintain custody of my eyes while in public.

 

Please note that when I'm speaking about not giving myself permission to look and glance, I'm talking about women that are outside my circle. Strangers. When it comes to women that enter my circle, I don't be rude. I do make eye contact with the waitress. Or the customer. Or my wife's friend or relative. And I can manage to do it without the look turning into lust. I just don't bring every other woman outside my circle into it by looking at them. And because my brain's toxicity stays low, it makes it much easier for me to not lust after those women that are in my circle.

 

@Mistakesweremade @Missionary_PIED Yes, appreciate their beauty, that’s the only healthy thing to do!

 

I got your point but the thing here is, you’re restricting your brain to look at something right. What it will do, your brain will think that looking at girls is bad, and will be programmed that way. Don’t let your brain think these are bad things and they’re not. The way you train your brain, it will behave like the way you train it. So see it might be working for you now brother, not today hut tomorrow you need to normalise this thing(look at someone). It’s not like you’re looking at someone at purpose. You see a lot of people crossing your way, so everytime a girl passes by, you’ll just look down and walk away? No right because it’s a very unhealthy way of living. Instead train your brain to not look at the places where you don’t want to, it would take some time but will eventually help you. And it’s not only about walking on a street or you’re going to a grocery store and you see some girls there, you’ll encounter this thing almost everywhere in this world, so will you still look down and talk to them that way? Might be your colleague, a girl asking for help, or take any other example in this world. Just try not to tell your brain that it’s bad to look at girls. Look at their faces, their eyes, their hair, there’s many more things than “those” parts. I know you feel guilty when you look at those girls with lust. Same with me and with every other person. I also get that feeling, but instead of sexualising them maybe we can normalise it and stop “staring” at those places.
This would be my advice to this, now it’s everybody’s personal preference, the way they want to tackle the situation.
But yeah good luck champ, you’ll get over it eventually!!️