Rebooting and Cleaning up in a Marriage

Yea for her this is still something very new. I explained about dopamine addiction and PMO as a conduit for that just yesterday!

I somehow agree, I live in a liberal place, so there's triggering content everywhere like it or not. It's just the mental alertness to not go down that path and think more and fantasize. Just some amount of discipline to let it "pass" in the head and not fixate on it. Don't stare into the abyss too much. I saw quite a bit of Psub worthy stuff along my regular life these couple of days, but just let the moment pass and don't give it the mind space to stick.

But anyway here we are at 1 week of no-PMO. No urges today or anything. Just slightly slightly bit more tired than usual, and I'm urinating a bit more frequently now. But its been a busy day of work today I was out of the office the whole day anyway so there wasn't any room for distractions.

Gonna keep this up but also try not to over fixate or over obsess on the fact that I am doing this. While I do respect the dangers and power of P, I don't want to grant it the ability to inject fear into my life. It's better that I place more attention on the things I need to do and achieve in real life.

I grant power to the lifestyle and habits (like doing my business and work well, learning, seeing friends, spending time with partner) that will keep me healthy and PMO free. Best defense is a strong offense lol. But we'll see how this goes, I could be taking my words back in a few weeks time we never know.

 

Ahh so busy with work today. Had no moment for PMO to come in. Next week gomma be busy too. Wife is around so things are cool. I like it when she's around.

By the way, anyone has any ideas on how to do something romantic, she's been hinting at wanting some romantic treatment but I need some fresh ideas which don't cost a bomb (she's thrifty lol).

 

Here we are at 10 days. On a whole it's been like 2 days of PMO out of the last 1 month maybe. I had a massive morning wood which lasted for a really long time. Don't think I've had something like that since early college days. I'm starting to feel it, like I look at my wife and like oh wow I want a piece of that. Redeveloping the attraction towards real humans instead of craving for images and videos, let's keep this going. Will change my streak to no-PM within next few days due to family planning commitments.

After next week my wife leaves for overseas I won't see her for 3 weeks. That's when the real battle will begin. For now please bear with my overly positive posts.

 

Yea, slightly worried about chaser effect. Wish me all the best gonna have to fight through this one a bit. I might spend more time on the forum during that time to fight it off ahaha.

This whole week is gonna be busy, my wife is on a big project this week so been trying to support her work in small and medium sized ways since I'm not at peak workload for this month, but December I'm gonna be travelling a lot I think that's where a lot of temptations gonna come in

 

Oh yes this sounds great! We've both been having a heck tonne of computer neck so this is a great idea. I'll go look for some deals.

 

Here we are at 13 days. Things are okay today. Bladder and little brother are doing weird twitches some times. Feels like something wants to come out...couple nights ago I woke up in the middle of the night with the feeling that something was going to come out from little bro...haven't had a wet dream since I was a kid. Feels weird but yea, as an adult the muscles are more developed so just held it in...don't want extra laundry.

I am starting to see how a lot of social and relationship problem trends are caused by dopamine addictions and porn addictions, how satisfaction dopamine from healthy relationships is being falsely achieved with dopamine inducing things like social media, porn, etc.

I actually talk to my wife a lot a lot more after stopping PMO. Maybe life is supposed to be like this rather than waiting for a quiet moment to go watch porn. I think everyone should quit porn. If I get more successful at this I'll ask my friends to do the same.

 

Glad to hear that I'm not the only weirdo becoming a preteen again ahahaha. Thank you for the encouragement!!!

 

So here we are at 15 days, I've changed my streak to no PM as explained over the past few days. I was sharing with my wife about the progress and she's been interested in the changes I've been feeling. Definitely one big change is the sensitivity, it's like really going back to the early days when I was a first timer. So the family planning duties are done and now I'll need to watch out for chaser effect. More importantly, my wife thinks I've been talking to her more ever since I quit PM. I can't say O anymore because yea lol. She seems to be pleased about the effort so far. She asked how I used to hide the PMO in the past since we were stuck together during covid. I came clean about it and somehow I felt less embarrassed or ashamed to share than I would have been a few months ago. I always thought of it as a dirty secret but this last month has changed my mentality quite a bit. The assumption here is also that my wife has been supportive and non-judgmental of my addiction. Maybe it's part of societal desensitization where people think it's normal to use P? But either way yea, she ain't busting my ass over this so it's a blesssin!! Coz she bust my ass over other stuff anyway haha

 

Was totally hit by a HUGE chaser and my wife has gone overseas so I am alone, so I am resetting my counter. I didn't use P but I'm gonna reset the counter anyway coz it was still some fantasies used and those lead to P eventually. I AM ALONE NOW AHHH. THIS IS THE THING I WAS WORRIED ABOUT. NOOOO. AHHH!!! HAALLP! AAHH!!

OKAY SO HERE'S THE PLAN.
1) PLAY SOME GAMES -> FAST AND IMMEDIATE DISTRACTION
2) GO OUT TO DO SOME WORK -> Gotta work anyway so yea lets TRY to get some stuff done.
3) I will make some preserved plums tonight to burn some of my time.

THE WARRR HAS STARTEDD!!!!!!!

 

Hello brother thank you for reassuring me, I survived the day, had some urges during the day but not big ones. im trying to focus on life rather than focus on being addicted.

So I stuck to the plan, I went and bought some stuff I wanted to share the recipe.

350g of Apricots
250g of Cherries
500ml of apple cider vinegar
2 sticks of cinammon
250g of demarara sugar or molasses

AC Vinegar, cinnamon and sugar into saucepan, heat it just before it boils but don't boil it. Dissolve all the sugar. Pit your cherries, halve your apricots.

Wash well and then heat up a big glass jar with an airtight lid on low heat in the oven so it's bone dry.

Put the cinnamon sticks u were boiling at the bottom first, layer the fruits so they look nice, alternate apricots and cherry layers.

Then pour in the hot vinegar mixture. Let it cool for a while, cover the lid tight and then tap the sides with some effort to get any air bubbles up and out. Try to fill it with as much vinegar as possible to reduce the amount of air in the jar. Seal the jar right and toss it into the fridge or whenever dark and cold depending on what state you're in. I spent 2 hours of free time doing this, and 2 hours of NOT thinking about PMO!!!!

 

So I'm back here at Day 1 again, I survived Friday but I didn't survive the weekend. Was a terrible weekend and got overcome by chasers and a very stressful moment about work during the weekend and went back to the old ways for the weekend. Thankfully less hardcore than before, just once each day.

I felt quite back and this morning I had a chat with myself out loud, why are you doing nofap? Had to do some soul searching and ask myself why I'm doing this. I want to be rid of this harmful drug to provide a better life for my wife and family. I guess the challenge would be to break the 2 week mark which I have failed at precisely the same time twice.

Ah well, back to the drawing board. At least today was Monday at work I had a productive day of work. Life goes on fellas, no time to beat myself up after already beating myself off so much. Maybe I'll come back and press the emergency button next time.

When the streak reaches 13 I can open up the sweet pickled apricots/cherries

 

Well today was semi productive managed to get stuff done. The urges have died down so it was a really normal day. They'll be back in a week I think. Had to fix the fridge a bit today, no idea why it couldn't close properly but it seems to be okay now.

A friend of mine asked to chat about how to manage her son who has just entered middle school and how to talk to him with regards to puberty changes. Father's no longer in the picture. I thought it was also a good idea to share with her the dangers of P and to watch out for her son. He's born into high speed internet so like wow it's a real different world. I'm sure he's already using P so it's better to start late than never.

 

So it was a struggle this week. Work has been so stressful and I still have many things to do before I fly off and 1 or 2 mini work crisis happened too. I didn't fare well in the PMO department and gave into 2 days of usage this week. But something weird is happening that I am slightly turned off by regular P, meaning the usual videos that represent 80% of the material on the web. I feel bad looking at it and thus it doesn't have a draw factor anymore. Somehow during the 1.5 days of relapse I was drawn to softcore, non-nudes, erotica. It's all still under the category of P or Psubs. There was a point of time on Wednesday evening I was thinking why am I doing all this for again. It's really been a struggle trying to work on a high level and also do nofap. I have less patience and I also get angry at annoying things more easily. Silver lining is that this makes me more aggressive to push people to get things done.

But I'm tired, my neck is really uncomfortable but I don't have the time to go for a massage or something. Plenty of important things to get done by end of this year to keep the business afloat and this is such an untimely struggle.

 

I am actually alive and well. Just ended a one week trade exhibition which was really intense, didn't have a second to think about PMO.

I think getting a hold of my business and performing better at work gives my wife more faith in me. She treats me better when I do better at work. I have mixed feelings about it because I feel weird for money to be the main factor for being treated well. Indeed money is like the no.1 thing we need right now, and I also know women like successful men. I'm just growing up to realise that love is a mixture of tangible and intangible factors.