New journal

Day 278 - managed to get as much done as I could at work yesterday but may need to do some extra stuff over this weekend. Annoying but it will be worth it in the end. Just hope I get a chance to chill a bit as well.

Things I am grateful for:
My gorgeous wife
Weekend
Good sleep

Things I hope for today:
Cuddles
No stress
Jobs done

 

Day 279 - I am so fed up of waking early in the night and my brain immediately starting to go into financial panic mode. In the past I would have reached for my device to drown it out, which would have eventually led to me making the wrong choices. I guess this is my new issue - my brain is starved of drama elsewhere.

Things I am grateful for:
My beautiful wife
Happy cat
Nice weather

Things I hope for today:
Nice day out
Cuddles
Lack of stress

 

Things are very very tight at the moment - I made some bad decisions over the last few years money wise and I’m now regretting it every month with repayments. We get by but it’s always stressful for me.

 

I know the changes I need to make to get to this situation - I just need to be in a position where my debts are repaid, which is going to take a while.

 

I’m just a drama llama, lol.

 

Day 280 - feel calmer again today than I did yesterday morning. I think it helped that we have a plan for our week’s break next week that involves going to place we are already members of. My guilt now heads towards the fact that my wife is paying for a lot of things at the moment. Wherever possible I need to make things work. Still, it was a nice day out yesterday for us. Important meeting at work today - hopefully it will go well.

Things I am grateful for:
My beautiful wife
A nice day out
Better sleep

Things I hope for today:
Successful meeting
Cuddles
Jobs done

 

Day 281 - meeting yesterday went well with some good next steps for us to consider. The only drawback is the disruption it causes to other members of the team, who don’t seem to quite gel with everything we are doing. Important presentation this coming week which we are fairly prepared for, just need a little more work. Had a nice dinner with the family last night all sat around the table, which isn’t a regular thing but meant we could have a frank conversation with stepson regarding attitudes.

Things I am grateful for:
My wonderful wife
Good food
Four days to go

Things I hope for today:
Jobs done
Preparations made
Cuddles

 

Day 282 - I was so tired last night I fell asleep a lot earlier than normal. It’s probably the fact that I am coming close to my week’s break and, as usual, there seems to be a hundred and one different jobs that need doing before then. Prep for presentation is going well; more work on that today and then a planning meeting with colleagues looking over the next couple of months. My wife is not feeling very well at all, seems to be coming down with a cold which adds to her struggles with ME (that’s the condition ME not actually me). I hope to just support her in as much as possible without being too annoying, which is often what ends up happening.

Things I am grateful for:
My gorgeous wife
Three days to go
No stress

Things I hope for today:
Plans made
Cuddles
Prep going well

 

Day 283 - prep for important presentation today went as well as it could yesterday. I will have a little time with the team to go over it once more before we get it done and then that’s one less thing to worry about. Planning session also went well, using what we know has worked in the past to help prepare for the next couple of months. Have a brief meeting with boss late this afternoon but also need to be home in time to get to stepson’s parents evening at school - not expecting any major issues on that front, he works hard. My wife continues to feel poorly from a cold and had a tricky day at work yesterday. I feel like I am supporting her as well as I can. Ultimately we are looking forward to our week off next week and the chance to have a day just the two of us on Valentines Day.

Things I am grateful for:
My gorgeous wife
Plans made
Good sleep

Things I hope for today:
Successful presentation
Cuddles
Good news tonight

 

Day 284 - the presentation went as well as it could do and I’m glad that’s it over and done with. Now to just navigate the last day before a week off - I want to try and make sure I have as much ready for when I return as possible so that there is as little stress as I need. Parents evening went well for my stepson - he’s on the right track, anyway.

I need to be more positive in life. I am so quick to turn to the negative. I always thought I was an optimist but I guess in recent years that has morphed into pessimism. That makes it trickier to handle difficult situations and conversations. I’m fairly certain that my addiction played a big part in this too.

Things I am grateful for:
My wonderful wife
Presentation done
Friday

Things I hope for today:
Plans made
Calmness
Cuddles

 

Day 285 - thank goodness it’s the weekend and the start of our week off. Yesterday went well, all things considered, and am in a good position for when we come back from the break. In the meantime we have plans for everyday in the week, even if they are only minor. Looking forward to spending time with family and my wife.

Things I am grateful for:
My gorgeous wife
Weekend
Week off

Things I hope for today:
Chores done
Time to relax
Good results in sport

 

Day 286 - so once again my financial insecurity has added to me disappearing into my own head. My wife was on it almost instantly. Made me look at my general negative air and shake myself out of it. Today I read a post on the forum where someone is reflecting on how they too disappear into that negativity and fear and actually how they need to stop and really focus on the positives. I try to do that every morning on this journal but maybe I don’t actually think properly about it. It’s a sense of complacency I guess, which I know can be dangerous.

Things I am grateful for:
My wife who loves and understands me so much more than I do myself
My daughter who is brilliant
Sunday

Things I am hopeful for today:
Nice morning out
Cuddles
Good sports results

 

Day 288 - we had a slight scare with our cat the other day, which inevitably made us have a sight scare with money. However, it all turned out all right in the end. Glorious sunshine yesterday meant we had a nice day out - though it is still a little chilly. Looking forward to another day with my wife and daughter and to tomorrow with my wife.

Things I am grateful for:
My gorgeous wife
Nice days out
Happy results

Things I hope for today:
Safe journeys
Quality time
Cuddles

 

Day 290 - yesterday was a really nice day. The wife and I managed to go out just the two of us and see a show which was fantastic. Reminded me of when we used to see stuff all the time while we were dating. Only difference being back then we didn’t have to come home and pick up our daughter. I’m pleased that I also didn’t overstep the mark. I think a couple of years ago the selfish addict in me might have expected further intimacy on Valentine’s Day night - but yesterday I was ecstatic just by the closeness we had and cuddles in the evening. I think this shows just how much more I value the time spent with my wife on an emotional level.

Things I am grateful for:
My wonderful wife
Lovely day out
Travel stress free

Things I hope for today:
Safe journeys
Nice weather
Cuddles

 

Day 291 - another nice day out yesterday with wife and daughter. Only a couple of days left in this week off before returning back to work, so we won’t be doing that much now to make sure our batteries are recharged. I will take the opportunity to do some work in prep for the coming weeks and maybe…maybe…some writing of my own. I haven’t done any of that for so long. I think I have lost a lot of self-confidence in myself, or maybe just got lazy? I need to properly go for it and stop regretting not attempting sooner. Life is too short.

Things I am grateful for:
My beautiful wife
My gorgeous daughter
Nice days out

Things I hope for today:
Good fortune
Resilience
Cuddles