Join me: Rebooting to June 20 - 90 days!

@fem440 Great to have you along for the ride. It's a journey of life. I've just watched 12 Years A Slave, and its left me with a deep deep gratitude for being born a free man, in a free country, with an ability to choose what I do with my life. When I was Fap'ing regularly I thought I had no choice; that I was a slave to porn. Compared to what real slaves had (and still do in some parts of the world) have to go through, I've always had choice. I just didn't realise I have choice, always.

And this choice is to post on here, about my journey. I just saw a name reference, which is the name of a porn star. Seeing it triggered me. And I have a choice. My choice is to write this.

Love you all

 

I need to be honest, I saw some porn yesterday. I was doing something which is OK for me taking into account my boundaries (looking at a dating site which was about fetish), however it did have some pornographic images on it, which I wasn't expecting. I'm not going to count this as a PMO as 1. I wasn't looking for those images, 2. I didn't stay looking at them and most importantly, and significantly, 3. I wasn't triggered by them.

The final point is really important as it means that my brain is now re-wiring, and it is now finding porn less triggering. This is amazing news. This means that at some point in the future I will be able to watch porn and not have an unhealthy relationship with it... which is much like my relationship with alcohol: I can take it or leave it, I do enjoy it, but having one drink doesn't mean I want more and more.

I also realised that the fetish dating is something that I'm not that bothered about as it doesn't have connection with the heart.

Another important thing was that today I was doing quite a lot of anxiety and I both didn't let it overwhelm me, and didn't feel at all tempted to hide in porn. I'm not now feeling amazing, but certainly better than this aft.

I'm healing

 

How is everybody doing on your journeys? I've been sharing quite a bit about my journey recently, and I've not heard from you guys much... I'm missing you!

 

I've had a good day... and I'm still finding myself occasionally triggered. I know this is natural as my brain hasn't had time to full re-wire. And instead of acting on those triggers, I'm taking positive action, at this point jumping onto NoFap. I've just seen a non-porn image of a celebrity wearing something slightly fetish, and it set me off a little. So I'm re-affirming my commitment to NoFap here and now

I hope everybody else is doing well

 

Ok. So I'm wobbling. I'm feeling triggered. I'm feeling lonely. I'm feeling desire to release the sexual energy I'm feeling.

This is why I'm here now. Writing to you. Yes you, my witness for my journey of recovery and NoFap.

This isn't easy. But who said it would be. Actually, most of the last 80'ish days of this amazing journey have been fairly relaxed. Today is a good test. That's why I'm writing this. To remind myself of my commitment to NoFap. That I'm going to get to 90 days, and in fact way beyond.

I have sensation coming up that causes desire in me to release it. But that's all it is. Sensation. I can observe that sensation. And go to bed.

When I get home. That's what I'm gonna do ☺️

 

Thank you @The 1000 Water Fists for your thoughtful and passionate post. I really admire your desire to change. The only note I would make is that you seem to be suggesting that you want to stop yourself thinking about anything sexual. I'm personally not sure if this is possible, or an advisable goal. By setting yourself such a challenging target, you potentially set yourself up to fail. This then can lead to you undermining your success in other areas.

For me, I'm once again feeling blessed to have NoFap to post to as I've just been experiencing some triggering feelings, and did also earlier. Therefore I'm posting to here, then I'm going to do my www.LightningProcess.com exercise as that helps divert my thinking.

Keep up the good work everybody: you are all amazing!!

 

@The 1000 Water Fists thank you for the reminding me to keep going: it is inspirational for me that I've done all this time! And maybe part of what is going on is that I'm partially self-destructing myself: I've never achieved something like this before, and part of my OLD programming was that I wouldn't be able to achieve this. I'm going to achieve this by trusting myself.

I'm feeling triggered at the moment. I'm searching online for celebrities who have a connection to my fetish. I've not looked at any porn, but I'm getting close to it. I'm not sure why this is coming up for me: for 75 days, I didn't get triggered, but now I am. I suppose this shows that my brain is still wired for searching to look for porn when I feel insecure, as I'm doing at the moment.

I know that the best thing for me is to lean into the feelings of discomfort that I'm having, heal those, and then my desires to lose myself in porn will subside.

So I'm going to do a Lightning Process, then I'm going to leave the house and get to a coffee shop, and get on with nourishing myself by doing useful stuff

Keep up the good work everybody!

 

Something I'm doing at the moment, and I'd suggest everybody else considers is supporting NoFap with a donation. Click here and have a think about it: http://nofap.com/forum/index.php?th...aps-expenses-basically-a-plea-for-help.37784/

 

Jeez... this NoFap is getting interesting. I've just looked a porn stars Facebook page. This doesn't have any porn on it... but it is very close to it. After nearly 3 months of not even been minorly interested in porn, suddenly i have these powerful urges. Crazy!

Fortunately I have the desire to stay NoFap... And the support of this group!

Keep it strong everybody

 

Just been edging again. I'm going to make it to 180 days tho! My brain isn't reprogrammed, and so once I've finished 90 days, I'm going to immediately start another 90 days ☺️

 

Ok. So I edged to the line. I went searching for transexual escorts and sex parties. I specifically tried not to look at any images of fully naked bodies, but I did see one or two, which meant I saw porn. I'm not counting this as a slip, as I've come too far to want to lose this sobriety, for the sake of a couple of pics.

HOWEVER... I'm now clear that typing any porn/escort/transexual sex party search terms into any form of search engine now definitely constitute a full slip.

This porn thing is powerful!

And I will BEAT IT ☺️

 

I've made it! I've gone 90 days NoFap ☺️ I wobbled a bit as I approached the finish line. But I did it!!!!!

Thanks to everybody who've posted on this thread, or sent me good energy after reading my posts. And particularly thank you to the people who make NoFap happen: you're AWESOME!

And I'm going to start another 90 Days... so look out for that post!

Love, Adam