✊5 Years Without PMO - Here's What Worked For Me!✊

Icewarrior · Jan 13, 2024

Rainbow Warrior said: ↑

I’m on Day 92 of 365 with rare but occasional glimpses of p. Science does show the rewiring, taking place within the 90 day period. The brain develops the new addiction after 40 days. Good habits.
Just had a question, how did you get to 5 years? Was it willpower?
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You’re doing so well. I’m not 5 years free of pmo! However, less and less of it, especially orgasm.
I’ve heard about the rewiring, I’m not doubting that. Yes, good habits are key.

Jay77 · Jan 15, 2024

Such an inspiring thread… Thank you for this.

JJackson · Jan 16, 2024

Rainbow Warrior said: ↑

I’m on Day 92 of 365 with rare but occasional glimpses of p. Science does show the rewiring, taking place within the 90 day period. The brain develops the new addiction after 40 days. Good habits.
Just had a question, how did you get to 5 years? Was it willpower?
Click to expand...

Willpower played somewhat of a role but the more important stuff is listed in the original post.

Sarah-Walker · Jan 23, 2024

JJackson said: ↑

I've been clean for 5 years and I wanted to come back to try and help people because my life is so much better since getting clean! This post is just gonna be me compiling stuff that worked for me. I'll update it over time as I remember more and have time. Hopefully something in here is beneficial to you! Feel free to ask me anything if you need help! Best wishes to everyone! Stay strong! ✊

Stopped Counting Streaks
The replies linked below go into why I think counting days is just a hindrance. I posted them in 2018 and for me, that was the last change I needed to make to get clean. I got a lot of positive feedback for it so I assume people today might benefit too. They're especially relevant for people asking "does this count as a relapse?" over tiny mistakes. Everything after the links is new stuff I'm adding 5 years later and is more in the realm of withdrawals & stuff that'll help with urges.

●
https://www.nofap.com/forum/index.php?threads/seven-days-now-what.183685/#post-1566190
^
(Just wanted to add this for people that feel counting has some sort of positive impact for you: Maybe consider counting the total number of days clean instead of streaks or do both. Gives a more accurate picture than "back to day 1" since one relapse doesn't magically restore those neural pathways)

● https://www.nofap.com/forum/index.p...ner-considered-a-relapse.178754/#post-1535885

● https://www.nofap.com/forum/index.php?threads/can-someone-help-me.189661/#post-1623222

● https://www.nofap.com/forum/index.p...rt-to-reach-long-streaks.189587/#post-1622848

Porn Wasn't The Main/Only Issue
First I want to bring attention to the fact that many of you are probably dealing with other issues that are actually at the root of your addiction. Your addiction is likely just a means to cope. A symptom of a bigger problem that you don't realize you have. There's a ton of stuff that I thought was just withdrawal from porn but were actually other issues. I'd recommend looking into the work of Dr Gabor Mate. He has plenty of talks on YouTube & great books about addiction (edit: the video linked at the bottom of the post is a good place to start). I didn't find him til after getting clean but I know you'll definitely benefit from his work! I did this part completely backwards. I beat the addiction first & then delt with the underlying causes. Please avoid my mistake lol. In general, regardless of Dr Mate's work resonating with you or not, look beyond pmo as the cause of your struggles with depression, anxiety, lack of energy etc. Pmo is likely just part of a bigger picture. Especially if you've been clean for a while but still struggling. All the problems I thought were "P.A.W.S" were just rooted in other issues or things lacking in my life. But since the addiction kept the pain from those issues numbed, getting clean meant facing them and the timing made it feel like it has to be pmo withdrawals.

*Some* Of The Non Pmo Factors I took Care of Which Helped Me
(helped with urges too)

Meditation: "Healthy Minds program" is a great app built by Prof Richard Davidson and his team. As a result of who they are, the app dives into a lot of neuroscience so it's more than just a mediation app plus its free. Highly recommended.

Exercise: 40 min of aerobics per day + strength training a few times a week is what I do but obviously do whatever fits your life

Trauma: Found out I have C-PTSD which was the root problem and started healing that (Multiple book recommendations below, the 1st one "C-Ptsd Surviving to Thriving" is useful to everyone though. Highly recommended)

Neuroscience/Meta Cognition Learning/understanding how your brain actually works helps so much on every level in life in general. At the very least understanding the neuroscience of porn addiction will help a lot. This video series does a excellent job making it easy to digest: https://youtube.com/playlist?list=PLOcbPczYKTQb7Nyl5QmzZrSGcTeaAk92S&si=8_VDSyTZz0FEB-Rq

Nutrition: Check nutritionfacts.org or the book "How Not To Die" for the science. Nutrition plays a much bigger role in cognition than most people realize and has had a huge impact on my life especially energy levels and mood.

Wim Hof Method: Look up his YouTube channel for details and gudies. I find the breathing exercises extremely beneficial in general life let alone with fighting addiction. The cold shower aspect of his method is also useful if you can handle it. But the breathing on it's own is very powerful. *Edit* A super useful tool I had for dealing with urges was dunking my hands in a bucket of ice water. Same effect as a cold shower but more convenient.

Good Sleep: This one is cliche but surprisingly huge if you're able to apply it. Consistent sleep does a lot for your brain. Try to sleep at consistent times, avoid caffeine and blue light late in the day and get 8 hours if possible. Look up the work of Dr Matthew Walker for more info.

TRE aka Trauma Releasing Exercises: The work of Dr. David Berceli. Even if you feel trauma doesn't apply to you it can still be useful, especially with that "need to get it out of my system" feeling.

Social media reduction: Shits literally designed to get you addicted to it which destroys your prefrontal cortex which in turn makes dealing with pmo harder. Heavily reduce or drop social media and be very mindful to not be using it as mental junk food if you do use it.

(Edit for those asking, no I don't have any substance addictions, I've never even had alcohol so I can't comment on that. Sorry)

Really just anything that promotes good brain health and/or things that build neural networks (so even stuff like reading books) will strengthen your mind aka prevent or reduce withdrawal symptoms. These other issues for me went hand in hand with overcoming porn addiction because I struggled horribly to make any of those changes while deeply addicted. Once I got a few months clean it made those other things easy which snowballed into a bunch more good! Doing things to strengthen & improve my brain snowballing into more things that do the same. That's what deleted withdrawal symptoms from my life.
^
In general consider that other things might be causing or contributing to the withdrawal symptoms you're having. It's almost never just the addiction alone. I had overcome the addiction but felt like I was constantly suffering withdrawals but it was actually those other things for the most part. Pmo was "protecting me" from all the deeper stuff which is why the withdrawals were so brutal. Pmo served as a floodgate. So stopping meant the floodgates were open. That then gets combined with the actual withdrawals.
^
Withdrawals are very real but they don't last a year. And even when you're early in recovery aka the times when withdrawals hit the hardest, handling these other things will make things way easier. So don't fall into the trap many fall into of thinking "my brain just can't live without pmo" because you feel awful. Something else is likely at play either partially or fully. Either other problems like depression, ptsd etc or things lacking in your life like exercise, mediation, diet especially with how the microbiome effects your brain. Search deeper to find whatever it is in your case and be patient with yourself in that process.

Books/People/Resources That Helped Me (updating over time)

Pete Walker's Book "C-PTSD Surviving to Thriving" (even if you don't think you have ptsd this book will definitely help. Just download a pdf for free if you cant afford it lol. I did that at 1st then bought a copy later)

Gabor Mate as mentioned earlier. Plenty of books and talks about addiction

Martin Seligman's book "Learned optimism". Goes into a lot of important psychology that's relevant to addicts especially if you've been struggling for a long time

Dr Greger/Nutritionfacts.org also mentioned earlier. Never could have imagined how much of an impact nutrition would have.

Healthy minds program app. Completely free with no ads and the way it dives into the science of psychology in an easy to understand manner is huge.

Peter Levine who has many talks on YouTube and great books to read if the topic of trauma applies to you. His book "Waking the tiger" is a good place to start.

Bessel Van Der Kolk who also has many talks and books if trauma applies to you. Most notably his book "The body keeps the score"

Jack Kornfield's excellent YouTube channel and his book

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I've been clean for well over three years, but honestly feel like a donkeys arse. In some ways it harkens back to when I was addicted, and like you say we have deeper rooted issues to solve.

Much like too much of something addiction is usually a coping mechanism, so stopping porn is like ripping the bandages off a fresh wound, underneath needs to heal and all you did was scratch the surface.

I don’t know just yet what or how I’m going to fix my issues, but a good place to start is picking meditation back up with breathing exercises as well. I’ll check out some of the stuff you posted, thanks!

JJackson · Jan 28, 2024

Sarah-Walker said: ↑

I've been clean for well over three years, but honestly feel like a donkeys arse. In some ways it harkens back to when I was addicted, and like you say we have deeper rooted issues to solve.

Much like too much of something addiction is usually a coping mechanism, so stopping porn is like ripping the bandages off a fresh wound, underneath needs to heal and all you did was scratch the surface.

I don’t know just yet what or how I’m going to fix my issues, but a good place to start is picking meditation back up with breathing exercises as well. I’ll check out some of the stuff you posted, thanks!
Click to expand...

Glad it helped you a bit. Wishing you all the best in recovery. That phase you're in is miserable and you're incredibly strong for not letting it pull you back to being addicted. I lost that fight multiple times. Hope you find the answers you need to heal whatever's causing you pain! Congrats on reaching the level you're at!

Stay strong! ✊

connection · Jan 29, 2024

JJackson, you are the best. I wrote on this post with my deleted account last year, I told you that all your recovery and earnings resonated with what I really want for my life.

Unfortunately, almost a year has past and I didn't recover yet... And I feel bad about that, life happens fast and I could have more than 300 days of "no PMO" by now. I just remembered these days that I saved your post, and I read it again and remembered all that I wanted for my life.

I think life is testing me on this. It's like my "life test", I feel it that way. Because no matter what I do to look for love, life won't let me have it.
It's like it's telling me: "You are not ready yet. You need to recover and be at your maximum. Then you'll find love."

I'm not wasting any more time. No matter how bad are those mental porn images/videos, I'm going to counterattack everytime with my wishes:

- That my body does not automatically overreact to sexual desire when I am with my future partner (I want to think much more about connection than sex, not wetting my underwear when I'm with her, eliminate premature ejaculation, etc.). To be in control in that sense. My last relationship broke into pieces because of this high sensitivity and my "handicapped" brain.

- I want to give up the sex I have known so far. To give up porn and masturbation and its symptoms of unhappiness, to give up that incomplete sex that I have never been able to enjoy. The only sex I would like to try is the sex I have when my brain is fully recovered and I do it with a feeling of union and love for my partner.

- To be at 100%, and this way to be able to maintain a love relationship without insecurities, enjoying and making my partner enjoy, and also really connecting emotionally with her.

- That in a few months my body and mind won't ask me for porn anymore.

- Be truly happy. As I was when I reached long streaks.

Thank you for inspiring me in these thoughts, JJackson. I hope I have relapsed for the last time. I will read this everyday.

JJackson · Jan 30, 2024

connection said: ↑

JJackson, you are the best. I wrote on this post with my deleted account last year, I told you that all your recovery and earnings resonated with what I really want for my life.

Unfortunately, almost a year has past and I didn't recover yet... And I feel bad about that, life happens fast and I could have more than 300 days of "no PMO" by now. I just remembered these days that I saved your post, and I read it again and remembered all that I wanted for my life.

I think life is testing me on this. It's like my "life test", I feel it that way. Because no matter what I do to look for love, life won't let me have it.
It's like it's telling me: "You are not ready yet. You need to recover and be at your maximum. Then you'll find love."

I'm not wasting any more time. No matter how bad are those mental porn images/videos, I'm going to counterattack everytime with my wishes:

- That my body does not automatically overreact to sexual desire when I am with my future partner (I want to think much more about connection than sex, not wetting my underwear when I'm with her, eliminate premature ejaculation, etc.). To be in control in that sense. My last relationship broke into pieces because of this high sensitivity and my "handicapped" brain.

- I want to give up the sex I have known so far. To give up porn and masturbation and its symptoms of unhappiness, to give up that incomplete sex that I have never been able to enjoy. The only sex I would like to try is the sex I have when my brain is fully recovered and I do it with a feeling of union and love for my partner.

- To be at 100%, and this way to be able to maintain a love relationship without insecurities, enjoying and making my partner enjoy, and also really connecting emotionally with her.

- That in a few months my body and mind won't ask me for porn anymore.

- Be truly happy. As I was when I reached long streaks.

Thank you for inspiring me in these thoughts, JJackson. I hope I have relapsed for the last time. I will read this everyday.
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That's amazing to hear man! No doubt you'll achieve your goals just from your mindset and energy alone!

It's actually interesting to hear you say you feel like lifes testing you and on the other side you'll find Love. I literally felt like I was being tested a few months in because things suddenly got harder out of nowhere in certain ways. It was 6 months after I found my wife who I knew from minute one that I'd marry but at that point we hadn't even started dating yet, but I still knew right away. Since my addiction was suddenly attacking me so hard and other personal things lined up with it, I felt like it was a test of my Love for her vs my addiction. Call me superstitious but the thing that made me take it that way was I got a notification from a meditation app that said "this is a test" right when things suddenly got temporarily harder. The notification was obviously just them literally testing thier notification system but the timing seemed spiritual to me. They'd never sent a test notification since then and before then.

On the day that the added difficulty went away toward the end of the month, I happened to get a video in my YouTube feed from a channel I watch and it was the day the couple behind the videos got married. The video was old too, 2011. I felt that was a sign that I'm right about her and since I survived the test I'm hers! Married each other some years later!

Also grew a massive amount outside of the addiction before i found her. Grew so much that I really consider that a different life. Surrounded by the wrong people and became the wrong person. The year I dumped them out of my life, acknowledged what I had become and started growing was the year I found her. So grateful that it worked that way because despite the fact that she'd Love me either way, I wouldn't want her to have seen that version of me. I feel you're on a similar path and you'll be happy to not have found the one you're looking for during the years when you're not quite who you want to be.

Wish you the best in your journey! You'll definitely get there! ✊

connection · Feb 3, 2024

JJackson said: ↑

That's amazing to hear man! No doubt you'll achieve your goals just from your mindset and energy alone!

It's actually interesting to hear you say you feel like lifes testing you and on the other side you'll find Love. I literally felt like I was being tested a few months in because things suddenly got harder out of nowhere in certain ways. It was 6 months after I found my wife who I knew from minute one that I'd marry but at that point we hadn't even started dating yet, but I still knew right away. Since my addiction was suddenly attacking me so hard and other personal things lined up with it, I felt like it was a test of my Love for her vs my addiction. Call me superstitious but the thing that made me take it that way was I got a notification from a meditation app that said "this is a test" right when things suddenly got temporarily harder. The notification was obviously just them literally testing thier notification system but the timing seemed spiritual to me. They'd never sent a test notification since then and before then.

On the day that the added difficulty went away toward the end of the month, I happened to get a video in my YouTube feed from a channel I watch and it was the day the couple behind the videos got married. The video was old too, 2011. I felt that was a sign that I'm right about her and since I survived the test I'm hers! Married each other some years later!

Also grew a massive amount outside of the addiction before i found her. Grew so much that I really consider that a different life. Surrounded by the wrong people and became the wrong person. The year I dumped them out of my life, acknowledged what I had become and started growing was the year I found her. So grateful that it worked that way because despite the fact that she'd Love me either way, I wouldn't want her to have seen that version of me. I feel you're on a similar path and you'll be happy to not have found the one you're looking for during the years when you're not quite who you want to be.

Wish you the best in your journey! You'll definitely get there! ✊
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It's so great that you passed that test man! I can imagine what it should mean to find the right one, not being in a relationship with her yet, and besides things got harder... It's totally Pleasure from porn VS Love, it was a very difficult test specially because you weren't together yet, and you nailed it.

I'm very happy to hear that you change that much, moving away from the wrong people, growing in personal development... You know what? I'm not even surprised that you found your wife after that, that new energy took you to the better path you belong. That's what I believe in.

About the notification and the couple behind the videos getting married... For some time now, I am more opened to see those hints as signs to improve your life. I think sometimes 'something' communicates with us. Or what we call a stroke of good luck, or bad luck, sometimes it's not a coincidence.

For example, I have failed the 'Porn vs Love' test so many times. And I don't know what the heck happens with it, but things always go bad in love for me when I indulge with porn. I'm not only talking about being different with them in behaviour, I'm talking about strange 'energy' things happen and they 'emotionally' move away, or everything gets complicated. For example, the other day I saw a girl I've seen sometimes and she catches my attention. I was more or less decided to talk to her, and then something happened. In the same place, I crossed someone that I know. I literally don't know almost anyone in this city and I've NEVER crossed anyone, but surprisingly I did know that person, then we talked and the girl flew away. On the same place, at the same time, and when I was decided to talk to her. And things like that happen from time to time.

I'm almost certain that when I give up porn completely, my romantic life will change enormously, and I hope it's soon because after all these years, it sucks.

Thank you for your words man I wish you all the best to you too, and I'm looking forward to tell you when I reach there!

Mohammad1381 · Feb 12, 2024

Hello brother congratulations on 5 years i wish you success in every aspect of your life
Brother i really need your help let me tell you my story first im 21 years old untill 1 year a go I've never masterbated or watched porn untill one year ago of course i did see sex scene in movies or nude picture somewhere else but never porn or jerking off and now i ve been clean from porn for almost 5 month and i think i jerked off without porn 4 or 5 time during this 5 month but never porn
And my problem is i cant never forget about porn its not hour goes by that im not thinking about it either im thinking about sex scene or
Thinking about how to quit porn and every thing i see about woman even women shoes or totally a normal picture of a woman not even sexy remind me of porn and addiction or even when i see people around me i think about is he watches porn is he having sex tonight is he ever jerked off or can someone live without pmo or watching porn and jerking off is a normal behaviour and ... This kind of stuff that if i wanna continue this shit wont end and this thoughts is ruining my life
Before my addiction i woud see a sex scene and never think about jerking off or porn or this stuff i just wanna go back to that life

Do you struggled with this problem?how should i deal with it?
And another question is im game developer i play game a lot and in my work looking for assets you see lot of women and triggers and in the games i play too please tell me what shoud i do in response to this situation do i need to dont see any movies or play any game so i dont see the trigger untill i get better or see the movies and games and try my best to ignore the trigger or women and pass them throug and when i say trigger i mean rising heart beat and remind of porn not getting urge or getting arousal

Dear jackson please help this ruining my life what shoud i do

And another thing that i forgot is some time i spend considerable time scaring about what if urges came up what shoud i do and some times i think about porn to test my self to see if i temped or not and if i tempted i immediately feel down and ruin my day

JJackson · Feb 22, 2024

Mohammad1381 said: ↑

Hello brother congratulations on 5 years i wish you success in every aspect of your life
Brother i really need your help let me tell you my story first im 21 years old untill 1 year a go I've never masterbated or watched porn untill one year ago of course i did see sex scene in movies or nude picture somewhere else but never porn or jerking off and now i ve been clean from porn for almost 5 month and i think i jerked off without porn 4 or 5 time during this 5 month but never porn
And my problem is i cant never forget about porn its not hour goes by that im not thinking about it either im thinking about sex scene or
Thinking about how to quit porn and every thing i see about woman even women shoes or totally a normal picture of a woman not even sexy remind me of porn and addiction or even when i see people around me i think about is he watches porn is he having sex tonight is he ever jerked off or can someone live without pmo or watching porn and jerking off is a normal behaviour and ... This kind of stuff that if i wanna continue this shit wont end and this thoughts is ruining my life
Before my addiction i woud see a sex scene and never think about jerking off or porn or this stuff i just wanna go back to that life

Do you struggled with this problem?how should i deal with it?
And another question is im game developer i play game a lot and in my work looking for assets you see lot of women and triggers and in the games i play too please tell me what shoud i do in response to this situation do i need to dont see any movies or play any game so i dont see the trigger untill i get better or see the movies and games and try my best to ignore the trigger or women and pass them throug and when i say trigger i mean rising heart beat and remind of porn not getting urge or getting arousal

Dear jackson please help this ruining my life what shoud i do

And another thing that i forgot is some time i spend considerable time scaring about what if urges came up what shoud i do and some times i think about porn to test my self to see if i temped or not and if i tempted i immediately feel down and ruin my day
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Congrats on 5 months!

I don't really have any advice that i didn't already say in the original post. Meditation would probably be the most helpful thing for you to deal with the thoughts. But you have to be patient with it. It'll take a few weeks of being consistent for it to help a lot but stick with it. Look up an app called "healthy minds program" that should help. And if you didn't read the original post, try reading it. Other stuff in there might help. Hope some of it helps you!

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✊5 Years Without PMO - Here's What Worked For Me!✊

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