Day 10 - Padawan Because an eclipse is coming soon. Tomorrow it is for me where I am from. And wondering when this game will come out. Fellow Jedis Always remember: Your focus determines your reality. - Qui Gon Jinn Jedi out
Day 6 I'm struggling with urges. But I'm going to challenge myself to read a fantasy novel I've been meaning to read and to read it every minute possible until I've finished.
Day 7, Padawan time once again! I am still having withdrawal symptoms unfortunately. Having pmo thoughts and urges to relapse. My mental concentration is also shot so it's difficult to focus on anything. I'm having some thoughts like I'm not having a good time while I'm sitting at home and I want to enjoy my time, not to be feeling like this. Unfortunately relapsing isn't going to make me feel any better, and the symptoms are temporary. I did plan on reading a book which I was doing, but the withdrawal symptoms came on while I was reading and I just had to stop to take some deep breaths. My mind feels in chaos because of withdrawal. But I think I'm just going to have to ride it out and be patient. I think that I can give myself a break and just do something for fun like play a video game to relax.
Day 8 I am having a very hard time today with feelings of anxiety and listlessness. I feel heavy in the limbs and slow, a headache and chest pains from anxiety. These are withdrawal symptoms. This video by a nofap coach put things in perspective for me My mind, body and brain are screaming at me to watch porn so that I don't have to deal with these uncomfortable feelings. The habit of pmo as bad as it is creates a feeling of stability. Without it I don't know who I am because I used it as a substitute to deal with painful emotions and problems. I am fighting for who I want to be. I am fighting for what I believe in, how I should live and what principles to live by. It takes courage to start doing new things that are better for me. To start living a life that I chose for myself rather than a way of life that was pushed onto me. It takes courage and self reliance to make serious choices in life about your identity. The old me who I thought I was has to fade away like an old nightmare so that I can move onto being the person that I want to be.
Day 9 Having watched that video yesterday about withdrawal I have been thinking a lot about what that means exactly for my life. The truth is that I have been spending a lot of my time merely to avoid addressing problems in my life that I feel are too big for me. From November to February I spend my time basically just playing video games when I wasn't working. From the context of trying to quit porn I used video games in the same way as pmo to avoid dealing with painful emotions, and to not deal with what I am doing with my life and how I decide to live my life. Addiction is an absence of living and making decisions. In trying to do nofap this time around I have gotten back into reading, something I really like to do. But again in the context of who I want to be, and deciding not to avoid anymore how I want to live my life, I have realized that all of this reading isn't exactly going anywhere. If I were studying for a university degree that would be one thing. But it's just something that I enjoy to do in my own time. That is fine, but I have a big problem and that is that I don't have my future figured out, what career I really want to work in. It would make more sense for me to work on career goals rather than to spend all of my free time on a hobby. I want to feel like I am winning in life, not just feeling like I'm having a good time. In fact it is very difficult to have a good time if I'm not achieving anything or feeling like I am winning at life. So I have decided that I will keep reading as a hobby, but that I will minimize how much time I will spend on that. Now I have decided to get back into my piano playing and that I am going to work towards the certificates for the piano levels so that I could get hired by a music learning institution so that I could get a job as a music teacher. That would be far more meaningful to me to do and to accomplish, rather than to spend all of my time just vicariously reading. I have a goal to do a piano exam within the next 6 months, and to be ready to be a teacher possibly within 2 years from now. 5 years from now I definitely would be ready to have a career as a music teacher or something else in the music field. I'm not going to spend my time anymore to avoid solving the big problems in my life. I am going to keep working on these goals that I have had for a very long time and to take myself seriously. I can deal with these painful emotions from the porn withdrawal symptoms by learning how to win in life for myself. The reason essentially I think why I fell into a porn addiction in the first place is because I didn't learn how to stand up for myself and my needs. I didn't learn how to win at life, rather I learned purely a survival strategy to stay out of the way of everyone in my life and to not be noticed by other people. That was a toxic way to view myself and life in general that I learned from my parents. They don't live very positive lives and I thought that I always needed their approval before I made any decision for myself. But that always just ended up backfiring for me because for one thing they don't know how to take care of themselves or how to win at life. How could I ever expect them to help me how to do that myself? I am going to look after myself for now on, to make my own decisions and to follow through on how I want to live my life. I am going to learn self confidence and to feel better about myself by getting over this addiction and by living a better life than the one I was shown how to live when I was a child.
Day 10 Today I have realized much of the good things in life that I have missed out on due to my indulging in hedonistic vice. It isn't just the pmo that I wasted my life over, but also the ludicrous amount of time I have spent playing video games. Thousands of hours of gaming since I was a child. The thing about games is that it's not essentially bad, but I can't really say that I have gotten anything good out of all those hours of gaming. There is nothing to show for it. Today I have really revived my love of reading and went out to get a couple of classic fiction books. This is something that I wish that I was doing since I was a child, but sadly the love for reading was never cultivated in me back then. I have had to grow to the age of 30 to make that choice on my own, that I deserve to cultivate my love of reading and that I deserve to enjoy my time delving into a world of fantasy in a good way. Today I am starting with Treasure Island, something that was written all the way back in the 1800's. In the classical Greek sense I feel the sensation Eros, or love of something. In this case the love of reading. That energy of Eros that I would have used on pmo, now I am using to much more beneficial uses in my life such as reading and playing piano. In a way I feel like I am playing catchup, there is so much time in my life that I regret wasting and losing out on. I want to live rather than just to survive. I want to feel alive, and that definitely doesn't come from pmo. Feeling alive also comes from not just living passionately, but learning from my mistakes and moving past them into a better way of life. Now I am living in a way that is in more agreement with my true beliefs rather than living from the perspective of feeling like I'm a victim of my life and circumstances. I have a warm feeling in my chest that is letting me know that I am on the right path. Here is to 10 days well lived, and to 10 days more. Here is to my journey towards becoming a Jedi Knight, Master, and much more.
Day 11 I've gotten some perspective with that nofap video, and now I've gotten more perspective with this video I have constantly made the mistake that he refers to in this video, essentially of trying to be too perfect. I end up coming right back to square one whether it's nofap or any other goal and I feel depressed, defeated and worthless. But I would rather have a whole life, rather than to turn my entire life into a means to end to achieve goals. I can relax and have fun, in a healthy way. And so I have gotten some innocent fiction books to read to just enjoy in my downtime. It doesn't have anything to do with achieving anything, and it's not an unhealthy habit. For the past 10 years or so I've felt like I've missed out so much in life, and a part of that is that there are so many fiction or otherwise kinds of books that I want to read. Now I am allowing myself to enjoy this pleasure and gift and that I'm not going to beat myself because I take some time to enjoy this while I need a break or when I'm tired, or when I just need to relax and have fun. Right now I'm reading Treasure Island and I'm enjoying it a lot.
Day 11, 12, 13, 14, 15 & 0, 0, 0, & 1. Checking in. Day 1 - Youngling Ended at 14 days. Still too short so restarting. @Dovahkin101 Tbh I thought you left. I have my reasons that I don't reply to your messages and such. Any way, I am still here regardless as long as I am on Hard Mode. I suggest you stay at the SUPER SAIYAN CHALLENGE because there are more people over there since you probably need it. TBH I was wondering why you left there in the first place. So the other fellow Jedis here. Well I have no idea when they will come back. Angel., I think I know why he hasn't been around besides health issues. JEDI KNIGHT eventually he will have to come back. While some others probably the same reasons. Btw Lexro84 is NOT doing a No PMO goal. He is on a No P goal. Yet he has the audacity to check in a Hard Mode challenge which doesn't make any sense at all. No gives a damn with the rules there. Believe me or not. But he is not the only one but he is one of them here in the Challenges & Events section doing it on a Hard Mode. I think you weren't here when I said it but check for yourself because I have said it here on this challenge that people in this forum to do their own goal at any challenge at will I guess So overall, I am still here as of now. Because of another challenge (Hard Mode) of mine. Restarting and being here as long as I can here on Hard Mode (No PMO) here again. Not motivated because no one is here? I guess you need to be with people filled here and similar. Here in the Jedi Temple and others that may not be the case which is okay for me. I'm doing my thing over here and reaching my goals as best as I could with or without people in other challenges. That's it. Fight the dark side Jedi out
Generally it is better to have support than not. I'll keep posting my days in here but I'll give actual updates in the super saiyan challenge because there's more people there to respond back to me. It's not really much to me if someone does hard mode or not. I'm doing no pmo, not just no porn. The challenges aren't moderated anymore anyway so it's not like you could anything about it.
I'm much more emotional when doing nofap. Now I'm feeling angry just at the slightest annoyance. There is no emotion. There is peace. There is no ignorance. There is knowledge. There is no passion. There is serenity. There is no chaos. There is harmony. There is no death. There is the force.
Day 2 - Youngling Kind of defeats the purpose of having rules in a challenge thread TBH. If that was the case, I could do a No M or No O in here in The Jedi Temple or any Hard Mode challenge you would say. Who am I to say people don't give a F opps I mean a damn over here. Oh well. I'm doing my thing as long as no says anything triggering then I'm good. THE SUPER SAIYAN CHALLENGE technically is a No PMO plus a No P-sub even though it doesn't say a No P-sub on that challenge. It's mandated and said by Kingfisher or I guess to most people there I suppose. But I can argue that challenge is an any challenge goal as long as your not edging and not watching Pron. Maybe no O is not allowed as well. But all praises to everyone if you didn't watch Pron at all in your counter/goal. Whatever. You can't do that in the challenges I created though but it is only Semen Retention That's my take. That's all. And Chuck is back again Let's go, I'm restarting too as well. Jedi out
I don't really keep track of whether people are doing no pmo or just no porn. All I know is what I'm doing. And who's Chuck?
