Never Thought It Would Come to This: 90 Days of Freedom

Well, after age 15 to 30 (15 years) of daily jacking off to porn 3 hours a day, multiple ER visits, multiple bacterial infections, diarrhea, heart pain, vomiting, weakness, tiredness, panic attacks, nausea, dizziness, and anxiety, it’s finally time. Time to put an end to the One Ring of PMO for good this time. It’s gonna be hard, and I’m honestly not sure if I’ll make it to the end of the 90 days, but here we go. Sometimes life gives you shit you aren’t ready for, and you just have to do it. This is a forced version of that; a contract I’m signing right as I write these lines. So I will be updating this thread daily , bidaily, or weekly , to see that each one of us is stronger than this addiction . Hope in the end to help others going through this dark period in our lives and see the light at the end of the tunnel. We can do it bros !
I am also looking for an accountability partner, would be happy to commit to something like three months of daily messaging.

I have relapsed and told myself I would quit , really and truly believing it , approximately 2000 times during my life. Well that shits over. It’s time to do it for real this time.

DAY 1/90 LETS GO

 

Thanks for your input, and yeah I’ll focus on quitting PMO first then , if those symptoms persist, I’ll address them separately. But to me it is related to all that.

 

Day 1 report : felt like ass the whole day, my heart was hurting and my stomach was in pain, all from jackin it and edging for 3 hours last night . Feeling weak af but managed to workout an hour or so. Onwards to day 2 bros. Life goes on .

 

Day 2/90 : Damn yesterday sucked , like big time. The whole day I was feeling terrible. Zero urges , I’m expecting the urges to come back around day 7. Until then I’ll be waiting and trying not to overeat, which is hard not to do on weekends sometimes…and when you have pizza cravings. Every person is different and experiences different things while on Nofap , and for me you could easily compare it to quitting alcohol or hard drugs. I used to watch P 8 hours at a time, and then of course deal with the inevitable consequences (Hell, in a word) . I’m glad the worst is behind me in terms of physical pain experience due to Nofap . For me , fapping is always more painful than not fapping, even if I get to experience a few minutes of pleasure. That’s why I would edge for hours and hours, which is as I see it a million times worse , cuz you body wants you to nut if you start jackin . Creates a lot of anxiety and for me physical pain again . But I’m glad I’m doing this journey, to fuckin put an end this evil Sith Empire , cast the One Ring (PMO) into the fire, and take the red pill and see how far the rabbit hole goes, leave the MATRIX of porn. God bless each of you guys, and if you’re on this journey with me, fuck the past fuck the future, let’s do this NOW!

 

Also found a goood semen retention YouTube channel called “Beyond The Alchemy” , he’s helping me put it into perspective.

 

Day 3: Fucking Urges!!

they come at night , and shit they are intense. If I wasn’t typing this now I’d probably be looking at P and Ming . Guess this is where the rubber meets the road. I feel like Sam from Fellowship RN, “If I take one more step, this will be the furthest away from the shire I’ve ever been” , bout to nail this shit one step at a time . Fuck the future fuck the past LETS DO THIS

 

Day 3-4 (can’t remember lol) report:

Last night I was debating whether I’ll be cursed with this shit for the rest of my life. You read about all these guys on Nofap experiencing flatline, depression, and all sorts of crazy shit. And I think about all the times I’ve failed, thousands of times, literally. Makes me think it’s not worth beating myself up over. I think forgiveness of oneself is the best policy, especially when it comes to this, cuz this SHIT is HARD AF . It is not easy to tame your sexual urges . Especially when you’re a crazy mfer like me and jack it for 3 hours straight to P , or occasionally go on 8-12 hour binges. I’ve forgotten what “normal” is supposed to even feel like. So after this , I won’t be “back to normal” . I will have discovered a part of myself that was buried , forgotten, and dug up again after a decade or more. It will be nice to say hello to my inner child, if you will, and also say hello to the new me . Gotta keep going, gotta keep improving every day. Take one step a day, stay consistent and don’t worry too much. Relax ! NO PAST MO FUTURE LETS FUCKING GO!

 

thanks , it’s definitely developed a depression inside myself that has caused those life or death type thoughts to occur . I’m slowly crawling my way out but it was probably the darkest period in my life. I wouldn’t wish it on Hitler himself , that’s how dark it was. Anyway , let’s all move on together !

 

Day 4: Felt a lot of fatigue this morning , but I’ve also been gaming every day until 3am , so I think that’s why. I’ve read this Indian Brahmachari’s book that said a bunch of hocus pocus about Nofap . I used to believe it though lol all of it , nowadays I don’t attribute pmo negative effects to anything the book mentioned (it went too far in its analysis) but I still experience negative emotions/feelings/sensations from PMO that last a day or two and cause a lot of fear. Trying to worry less and live more . Every day counts . Let’s GO!!!!!

 

Day 1/90 , yup you read that right, the dreaded relapse. Here we go…
As I was lying in bed at 2:00am , I thought “Hey since I’m quitting PMO how bout we do a quickie one more time so we can go to sleep.” I have definitely I been using it to “cure” or alleviate insomnia. Needless to say a relapse occurred. I won’t let this deter me , I’m gonna keep on trucking until we reach our destination folks!

 

No phone in the bedroom period !

 

Day 2: the usual relapse feelings have subsided, and I’m back in action. Got a busy week ahead. I should be good until the end of the week, then I’ll think of pmoing again. God speed Spider-Man !

 

Day 3-4:

Felt a cycle of anxiety, peace, questioning what I want to do with my life, and realizing I don’t really have to do much with my life to be happy. Went on a nice walk in nature, and just chilled out mostly. I enjoy days like that; I used to work in IT slave plantations , to put it nicely, and I’m glad at least I can find peace in my work (or lack of work, some days!) Sleeping at night without my phone has made a big difference so far. I’ll definitely keep doing that.
I have a feeling this is the big streak . The one I’ve been waiting for . Since I’m leaving the country in August to go to Peace Corps, i want my body and mind in tip top shape so I can face the challenges of going to a new country.
No future no past let’s fucking go.

 

Day 5: Being close to a relapse reminded me of the darkness of the side effects I experienced for years now: thinking I’m actually going to die, getting heartburn lasting literally morning until nighttime , headache , migraine, stomach pain from hell so utterly painful that it makes Kurt Cobains heroin induced stomach pain look like he ate too many fucking Skittles, depression, mood swings, telling my mom and dad that I am afraid for my life and that I’m going to die from PMO, crippling insomnia lasting for months , and the list goes on, I’m doing an injustice to myself by not remembering all the absolutely disgusting things that happened to me , but that’s part of the consequences of time, you neither remember how highs the highs in your life were or , in this case, how low the lows were . Life has a way of going on and forgiving you for all past mistakes, restoring you to health, even if you fuck yourself up quite a bit, so I’m grateful for that. I just hope I can survive this challenge , both mentally and physically and emotionally, as I’m sure lull have more than a few tears shed by the time this is over. No past no future let’s go.