Desperately needing advice

It's my mom's 1st day of chemo...she's on her way over to spend the morning w/ & the grandkids before the poison enters her veins. I am dreading seeing the back of her head as she closes the door to leave. That will most likely be the last time I see my mom "normal" ever again...

Last night, my husband slept in another room, per my boundries. I've been up with our son for over an hour. I know my husband has been awake & can hear us. He chose not to come & see how his wife is holding up. When he did get out of bed, small talk was made. At this point, I'm positive he'd show more compassion to a complete stranger in my position than his own wife. I've lost what was once my best friend. I just needed a friend this morning, you know? I was his friend & there for him after everything he's done to me. What a twisted, cruel world.

 

Thank you for moving....best of luck to everyone on your journey's!

 

I am the OP. I am the wife of a PA. I am in tears at this circus. You deleted my ending reply to this thread, you know, the one I started. The one I've watched become nothing about my original topic. You deleted MY RESPONSE TO EVERYTHING YOU CONTINUE TO LEAVE UP. What in the hell is wrong with you?!

Let me tell you a little story....i have toddler twins. I stay home alone with them as of the past couple of weeks due to my mom's declining health (she would help watch them 3 days a week). My time is VERY valuable & I'm not being dramatic. I spent 2 HOURS typing my response you felt the need to delete w/out speaking to me first. The only 2 hours of free time I have is during my children's nap. You just kicked a grieving wife while she's down. Bravo. Bravo.

To EVERYONE THAT IS JUST NOW READING THIS, BUT CAN'T SEE THE ENTIRE STORY PLAY OUT DUE TO MODS:
Because of this thread, my husband @Tryingforfamily was contacted & he reached out to fellow PA's & SO's. That hadn't happened before. A spark has been lit in his brain, I think....I am completely for getting to see the raw side of this recovery. I have NO PROBLEM continuing this thread (actually, I do now that the mods decided what could stay or go), I just don't want it on MY PAGE. That's it. Now it's a circus & I'm humiliated.

 

https://www.nofap.com/forum/index.php?threads/desperately-needing-advice.189780/page-3#post-1626839

& other threads I've written. I absolutely need to start writing consistantly. Very therapeutic...

It was not anyone's responses to my husband that were bothering me; they were all very helpful! I was coming at it as "Oh, just some more awesome advice he won't take", if that makes sense. I felt it was a waste of "my" initial post. I 100% appreciate the advice/resources/etc..

NO WORRIES, my friend!

 

I think I will...there was "dday", but the aftermath (other than him being PM free 40+ days) has been anything BUT recovery. I suppose it'll be titled "when the sunshine fades: what's it's REALLY like to realize this recovery hasn't even broke the surface" "as the SO's life turns" "beating my head against the wall: a SO talks of turning into a parrot due to constant reminders".

Ha!

Thank you for understanding. I feel less like I'm walking on a tightrope!