Welcome to NoFap! We have disabled new forum accounts from being registered for the time being. In the meantime, you can join our weekly accountability groups.
But you are alive, and that means you can still fix it. What has happened has happened, but the future you can still make it a brand new one. Have some faith!
What have you done to kill this habit? If you just discovered nofap, start small, focus on one day at a time away from pmo. Do new stuff instead, be creative but not destructive.
I feel you, i had the same problem, i'm still fighting it. But the only way out is facing it, there is no other way. Nothing good comes out of comfort zones, you gotta go out and see that the problem was only in your head. How bad you wanna change? It's up to you.
I'm sorry you're going through a rough time. Please if you are feeling suicidal I urge you to check these links out: https://www.iasp.info/
and https://suicidestop.com/suicide_prevention_chat_online.html
Take care of yourself. You can find many helpful caring and supportive people here with your journey..maybe even make some true friends, please give it a chance.
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