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I just deleted 150gb+...

Discussion in 'Porn Addiction' started by Ref0rm, Aug 23, 2017.

  1. Aug 23, 2017 #1
    Ref0rm

    Ref0rm Fapstronaut

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    ... Of a 3d art program and materials that were once a simple hobby of mine, and has since become nothing but a trigger.
    And now im panicking, full of regret and pretty depressed.
    I've just googled how to restore deleted file from recycle bin and have been seriously considering investing in it, even though i know i shouldn't.

    I just want my hobby to be my own again. But its not...
     
    Ref0rm, Aug 23, 2017
    Ref0rm, Aug 23, 2017
    #1
    Beachcomber and sparkywantsnoPMO like this.
  2. Aug 23, 2017 #2
    Eviledging

    Eviledging Fapstronaut

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    I trashed over 1tb of years of collected porn last year and it killed me for months I know what u are going through
     
    Eviledging, Aug 23, 2017
    Eviledging, Aug 23, 2017
    #2
  3. Aug 23, 2017 #3
    PicNick

    PicNick Fapstronaut

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    If you use Windows and if you haven't written in that partition of the hard disk, there's hope. ... I'm sorry; I assumed that deleting art has become a trigger; looks like I was mistaken. I deleted the suggested recovery software.

    Stay strong.

    ~Nick
     
    PicNick, Aug 23, 2017
    PicNick, Aug 23, 2017
    #3
  4. Aug 23, 2017 #4
    Estus

    Estus Banned

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    I've done the same about a dozen times. The problem is it's paid porn and I end up paying again to re download it.

    It's cheap because I use discount codes but really this is cuckery.

    I'm not at findom levels fortunately but this is pathetic.
     
    Estus, Aug 23, 2017
    Estus, Aug 23, 2017
    #4
    anonhaumous and sparkywantsnoPMO like this.
  5. Aug 23, 2017 #5
    sparkywantsnoPMO

    sparkywantsnoPMO NoFap Moderator & Yeoman

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    If I think I hear you right - You have 3d modeling software. You learned how to make animated videos. That's your hobby. I'm gonna assume it became triggering because you either got a hold of or created nude models and started creating them.

    Please let me know if I got any of that wrong. However, I will base my reply off of those assumptions. If the only purpose of that software is pornographic in nature, discount what I say below, and keep it deleted.

    This 3d software can be equated to many other things that exist on the internet. Take Google images. I can use Google Images to find pictures of the electrical surges I use for my avatars here, or I can use it to find porn. Facebook can be used to follow articles about cheese (Insider cheese) or it can be used to follow hot models. You need to judge the value of the things that can have both positive and negative benefits to your addiction and consider them. In the case of Facebook, I gave it up for Lent when I started this recovery, and now I still don't use it. I tried, and there was no real added value. In Google Images, I use it almost every day, so I learned how to keep safe search on and control my urges.

    For you, maybe abstaining for a while will help, and then you'll be able to go back to it. Obviously, any pornographic models and skins would benefit from never coming back. Maybe you can use your talents to make media that combats porn use. Give the tool a new, positive purpose. Or, maybe it's time to learn a new hobby.
     
    sparkywantsnoPMO, Aug 23, 2017
    sparkywantsnoPMO, Aug 23, 2017
    #5
    Prodigal Warrior, thorswrath32 and anonhaumous like this.
  6. Aug 23, 2017 #6
    Ref0rm

    Ref0rm Fapstronaut

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    Yup. I've downloaded all associated files and software for this program a few times, once i had thought i had a grip on my addiction. Takes a week of solid searching and downloading... And i feel like a bloody idiot after i relapse with it involved...

    Thankfully i managed to shed my actual porn collection years ago.
     
    Ref0rm, Aug 23, 2017
    Ref0rm, Aug 23, 2017
    #6
  7. Aug 23, 2017 #7
    Ref0rm

    Ref0rm Fapstronaut

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    Pretty bloody close to the truth there. I think abstaining all together is best for me. I just can't see a way around it, in my current state.
    I wanted august to be my month of rebooting... Ive relapsed almost every day in the last week....

    My situation actually sounds pretty similar to that Facebook situation. Once upon a time i would create things i would be proud of. I could show my family and friends.
    Now i hide it from everyone. It's become pathetic...

    I frankly need a good creative outlet that isnt visual
     
    Ref0rm, Aug 23, 2017
    Ref0rm, Aug 23, 2017
    #7
    sparkywantsnoPMO likes this.
  8. Aug 31, 2017 #8
    chucky0983

    chucky0983 Fapstronaut

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    I deleted 3-4TB of porn my huge last binge... fully organized and sorted. Gone. It's not the first time I've deleted a collection. But I spent many moons collecting it. My last normal binge I think was about 2TB. I don't watch a majority of what I'd ever collect. Maybe 2-5% I'd watch for fapping purposes. But either way it's gone. OH BTW, I had backups of my collections on Crashplan. Had to clear that too.
     
    chucky0983, Aug 31, 2017
    chucky0983, Aug 31, 2017
    #8
  9. Aug 31, 2017 #9
    Septimus

    Septimus Fapstronaut

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    Deleting all that stuff feels terrible, and you mourn for it. But none of that means it was the wrong thing to do.

    We are used to thinking that what feels good, is good; and what feels bad, is bad. It ain't always so, and this is a clear example of what I mean.
     
    Septimus, Aug 31, 2017
    Septimus, Aug 31, 2017
    #9
  10. Aug 31, 2017 #10
    Prodigal Warrior

    Prodigal Warrior Fapstronaut

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    I'm a 3d modeller and I know that having that kind of stuff can hurt, I've gotten so desperate for porn sometimes I make it myself, but my work is to important for me to stop, I plan on making a video game and I have a lot of 3d content for it. But sometimes if I find one of my own characters attractive, Its hard for me to not slap some nudity onto the model and go to town.
     
    Prodigal Warrior, Aug 31, 2017
    Prodigal Warrior, Aug 31, 2017
    #10
  11. Aug 31, 2017 #11
    Prodigal Warrior

    Prodigal Warrior Fapstronaut

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    You said to make anti-porn things to Ref0rm, this isn't 3d but you made me want to try making stuff.

    [​IMG]
     
    Prodigal Warrior, Aug 31, 2017
    Prodigal Warrior, Aug 31, 2017
    #11
    sparkywantsnoPMO likes this.
  12. Aug 31, 2017 #12
    Beachcomber

    Beachcomber Fapstronaut

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    I used to call my porn photos "art" too, cuz I was so picky about color & lighting, I'd spend so much time "correcting" most photos to make them perfect. Over the past 20+ years I deleted all my porn, photos & my huge collection of downloaded videos twice, then went into withdrawals & restored most everything & continued to collect more & more. I totally gave up P&M 11 days ago & I’m done with it. I closed all P related sites & have deleted most photos, & continue to delete more & will begin deleting videos, my fave way to finish. I feel stronger than ever in my life. Please tough it out with this, don’t spend time & energy over mourning your hobby, it will only continue to screw up your life & cause you huge pain. Stay busy every day, avoid boredom @ all costs. View the Gary Wilson video “Your Brain On Porn” & Noah Church videos on YouTube, for your own good.
     
    Beachcomber, Aug 31, 2017
    Beachcomber, Aug 31, 2017
    #12
    sparkywantsnoPMO likes this.
  13. Aug 31, 2017 #13
    Prodigal Warrior

    Prodigal Warrior Fapstronaut

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    Yeah NoFap on twitter shared a video posted by Steven Crowder, he had Gary Wilson on as a guest talking about porn and he even suggested people to look at NoFap.
     
    Prodigal Warrior, Aug 31, 2017
    Prodigal Warrior, Aug 31, 2017
    #13
  14. Aug 31, 2017 #14
    chucky0983

    chucky0983 Fapstronaut

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    Yeah I felt porn was an art form at times. Lighting and backgrounds in videos to particular angles and close ups and slowing down speeds of video. There are some sites that try to make the porn more romantical like female friendly I guess. The production was really good and the acting is generally pretty legit. The personalities seemed real. But it was weird... I felt that it was beautiful to see what was going on. I felt like some of it was a masterpiece. Really crazy crap. But there's nothing beautiful about it's just my warped mind. Going from those videos to another video with the same model showed the reality I guess. It's all just a fantasy and very false. Tomorrow will be 56 days or 8 weeks. After that I'll be 60 days clean. Next goal will be 90.
     
    chucky0983, Aug 31, 2017
    chucky0983, Aug 31, 2017
    #14
  15. Aug 31, 2017 #15
    Beachcomber

    Beachcomber Fapstronaut

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    I used to call my porn photos "art" too, cuz I was so picky about color & lighting, I'd spend so much time "correcting" most photos to make them perfect. Over the past 20+ years I deleted all my porn, photos & my huge collection of downloaded videos twice, only to feel just as you felt & undelete it. On the 20th of this month
    Anything that's fantasy isn't healthy. I want real relationships with people who want to be with me & whom I want to be with. None of this is possible as long as I keep using porn. Have you watched the Gary Wilson YouTube video "Your brain on porn"? Or any of the Noah Church videos there too? They're excellent.
     
    Beachcomber, Aug 31, 2017
    Beachcomber, Aug 31, 2017
    #15

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