Hey, I am hamad, I am new here and i am 20 year old. ... Muslim. I am at my worst ... I have addiction of pornography. I been through lot of blogs about quitting pornography and living a joyful life but for some reason i can't ... i sometime hold myself for a week and few days and then the same ugly me overtakes me and i start doing that disgracing stuff and feel guilty whenever i don't that. I don't know is it pornography only or something else too but my life is becoming miserable. I become this human that don't feel anything good and always scared and have fears. I have been addicted to porn for last 5 years and thats the same reason why i didn't grew muscles and i appear more like a weak miserable skinny boy than a good healthy adult Though i used to be very good person in the past but for last 2 or 3 year i changed a lot i know there are some family issues too that push me to this extend but i become suicidal i start loathing myself and start comparing myself with everyone even with small children . I think like "wow how beautiful they are living and here you are living with a addiction and stress, over-thinking , insecurities and vulnerabilities. Whenever i walk down the street every female arouse my feelings. I have few college female friends though one of them is very close to me but i dont feel like this toward her because i think she is a pure girl and i am too filthy for touch or even talk to her and this goes same to a girl who has crush on me. She is good girl and innocent and she is ready to do what pleases me ... I already took advantage of her. I never been in sex ofcourse it is a great sin but i had kissed her and other stuff -_- I don't know either there is someway to help me out of this mess but i been through like 100 blogs and perhaps i think i already knew all the advices but i dont need advices, is it something else to make me quit this filthy habit.
Hi Hamad, I'm new to this site too. It sounds like you're feeling very guilty and ashamed of your struggles with porn. Forgive my ignorance of Islam, as I know very little, but I can identify with those feelings too (I'm a Catholic Christian, and porn is a sin for me as well). However, you're trying to do what you think is right; you're struggling, yes, but that doesn't stop you from trying. That's a good thing! It sounds like you have some other things in your life that may be stressors as well as potential triggers for a "reset", as this site calls it. Do you have access to some counselors regarding your family issues and suicidal thoughts? If you are in college, you may be able to see someone through your school. I want you to succeed in your battle against porn as well as in every area of your life.
Welcome to NoFap where you are amongst friends who are here to encourage you and sometimes challenge you but not judge you. The enemy is here to steal, kill and destroy. What are your current strategies for combating the enemy called PMO?
