Hello I'm hoping someone can help me out I've been looking at porn since I was probably 11 now I'm 50 I was married young to a woman that loved sex so porn wasn't a big deal but she was a mental train wreck and after 2 years and 2 kids we divorced 4 years later I meet my wife she's an awesome person and beautiful but has a pretty low sex drive the first time we had sex I was finished in under a minute (this caused problems with her and I) why does this matter before my wife I was able to go as long as I wanted to 4-8 hours without an orgasam. The internet gave me an escape and I started to watch porn and masterbate I noticed my erections were not happening as fast and were not as hard I never put 2 and 2 together at 38 I went on the blue pill and tried looking for a physical problem but i was in pretty good health bloodwork was pretty awesome. my addiction got worse but life was seeming pretty good I was stressed out small business owner but that was pretty normal then things started to go down hill for me physically I was tired all the time zero motivation, brain fog, and started to put on weight which I had never done, so I went to my doc low T under 300 I went on testosterone at age 44 or 45 but no sudden weight loss no muscle gain no real improvement in bed just less brain fog and more energy. Here's the curveball it's been years since I masterbated to porn (probably 10) I would just watch it all the time I was home alone a lot due to my work I would be working on a job with porn in the background and not masterbate and wouldn't get an erection it was like air. when I was masterbating torwards the end I pretty much had a limp dick i chalked it up to ed. So the 1st of the year I had a blowout with my wife over shit she said and did when we first got married that always rubbed me wrong insults and her casually telling me about her sexual history like and husband would want to know...2 months went by I thought about this intensely why did this bug me so much then I erupted and all the bitterness came out, mind you we have a pretty solid marriage shes a fantastic woman but I'm very old fashioned and I buried my feelings for over 20 years now I was pissed, hurt, and vengeful. I started seeing an counselor and a naturalist doctor almost at the same time and stopped watching porn I did cheat with youtube for a bit maybe 6 weeks but zero porn and I stopped the youtube stuff as well I can' recall when I went cold turkey but I'm guessing it's going on over 3 months more if you don't include youtube only recently has thing started to change sexual dreams about my wife, went to the beach looked a women I wouldn't have given a second look at before. When I first blew up strange thing my sex drive exploded I mean went thru the roof we were having sex all the time 5 times a week often without (v) thats a lot for me I'm 50 and have a pretty long recovery time and I was able to go for a lot longer and I was rock hard but things have swung back the other direction now I am not really even horney but maybe once a week and I need a lot of (v) and if I eat the (v) doesn't help total limp dick. Does this any of this sound familiar to anyone here ? my age the no masterbation, does simple being exposed to porn without masterbation have the same effects on your brain? One more thing when I finally said I'm done it was pretty easy to do unlike so many other stories I've read.
Dear Jarboogie All of us have different stories. So much about sexuality is mysterious, which I believe, is why we can have such trouble unraveling pathologies connected to it. I am glad you and your wife are still together after the blowup. Is there a chance that the anger you are feeling is anger at yourself that you are projecting onto her? Just wondering. I am glad you have joined us. Please let me know how I can help.
Yes there is a chance of that being I feel like I should have stopped it long ago and maybe never mover forward with the relationship...sometimes all i think about is cheating on her and rubbing it in her face. I know that's a pretty shitty thing but I've been dealing with this anger and going to counseling for months with only small improvements in how I feel. My wife is in counseling also because the counselors think she my have been molested and or abused. Mind you this woman outside of this is the most supportive, caring big hearted woman I know. And I love her very much...just very pissed also.
What i can tell you, is that i have been trying to do nofap for 18 months and in that time i've had periods of no porn, masturbation or orgasm, i've had periods of porn without the other two and i've had periods of just masturbating with no porn. Porn alone ABSOLOUTLEY has a bad effect on you, I felt just as bad "just watching porn" as i did masterbating and orgasming to it 4-5 times a day. The mental effect of viewing those videos is profound. One time after being clean for 28 days i started watching some hardcore stuff and I watched for like an hour, in that time my body temperature went through the roof and i felt "high", it was having a serious effect on me. And i didn't masturbate. Watching those vids is like taking drugs. Dont watch em
NO chance brother wasn't looking for an excuse just confirmation that I can get PIED without masterbation...you answered my question thanks it's been at least 3 months and I still think I'm flatlining or maybe just starting to come out of it started to have dreams about my wife and and noticing women that I wouldn't have given a second look at before. Thanks
