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Dealing with porn induced marriage breakup

Discussion in 'New to NoFap' started by Spurta, Mar 28, 2017.

  1. Mar 28, 2017 #1
    Spurta

    Spurta Fapstronaut

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    Hi peeps.

    I'm currently dealing with the beginnings of a marriage seperation due to my inability to cease use of porn at my wife's request. She had made it clear that use of porn was out of bounds throughout our relationship, but I kept returning to it despite the numerous near breakups.

    Now gone two months cold turkey, stopping masturbation and porn, and feel in control of this. But the rest of my life is still heading in the wrong direction.

    Looking for some support from those who have been here before. The person I was, I refuse to be again. But I need to deal with all the things that have returned me to investing more in porn and self pleasure than in my relationship with my wife. Now I'm looking at being a part time father and losing the most important person to me.

    One day at a time!

    Thanks for listening.

    Leon.
     
    Spurta, Mar 28, 2017
    Spurta, Mar 28, 2017
    #1
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  2. Mar 29, 2017 #2
    D . J .

    D . J . Fapstronaut

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    Welcome to NoFap where you are amongst friends who are here to encourage you and sometimes challenge you but not judge you.

    What are your current strategies for combating the enemy called PMO?
     
    D . J ., Mar 29, 2017
    D . J ., Mar 29, 2017
    #2
  3. Mar 29, 2017 #3
    Spurta

    Spurta Fapstronaut

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    Just a goal statement and will power and conscious acknowledgement of my triggers. I've developed a barrier diagram that I'll attach that acknowledges my triggers and the controls I have to fight against then, or more like delay until yhe urges pass.

    Have a look. In truth I'm feeling really strong about this, it's dealing with all the suppressed shit that hid behind PMO that is taking the headspace. I just want to lean on a few people that have trod this path, and worked through the tension that may come from starting to work through things again with the wife.

    Thanks for reaching out.

    LP
     

    Attached Files:

    Spurta, Mar 29, 2017
    Spurta, Mar 29, 2017
    #3
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  4. Mar 29, 2017 #4
    D . J .

    D . J . Fapstronaut

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    D . J ., Mar 29, 2017
    D . J ., Mar 29, 2017
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  5. Mar 29, 2017 #5
    Deleted Account

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    Incredibly moved by your plight. I'm new here too, but in a similar position - PMO was becoming a compulsion above my wife and kids. I felt ashamed to be around them and they sensed this lack of connect. My wife knew the weaknesses having busted me several times.
    I think your two month streak is an enormous strength. Use that achievement to motivate you whilst going through the shit times; one of the biggest achievements in my life was quitting cigarettes several years ago and I still use that utter victory over insidious, life negating urges as a totemic rallying point.
    J
     
    Deleted Account, Mar 29, 2017
    Deleted Account, Mar 29, 2017
    #5
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  6. Mar 29, 2017 #6
    Spurta

    Spurta Fapstronaut

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    This is my only battle with addiction, and I hope you can get through this.

    I think your previous victory should be a beacon of hope.

    Good luck.
     
    Spurta, Mar 29, 2017
    Spurta, Mar 29, 2017
    #6
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  7. Mar 29, 2017 #7
    Spurta

    Spurta Fapstronaut

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    Fantastic list.
     
    Spurta, Mar 29, 2017
    Spurta, Mar 29, 2017
    #7
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  8. Jun 10, 2017 #8
    Tested

    Tested Fapstronaut

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    Hi... I know your pain.
    My marriage has failed, due to my depression and social anxiety caused by P over many years, prior to and then for the last 10 of the 13 year marriage. She does not know about the P, but the impact on me has been severe to say the least; the depression and self-loathing, I came near suicide in 2013. The guilt and shame killed me. Last summer the marriage began to unravel after a bad 5 years of sticking plasters; I actually felt emotionally abused by her, which led to further P use; I am not sure if I am accurate in saying that, but it felt like that, and she was controlling. I feel better to have left, and after a bad Jan decided to cut out PMO finally with a massive effort from Feb 1. I fought withdrawal yet again but this time got out the other side. I am pushing on now; trying to build a new life, be a part time father, taking a long view of recovery (many years). I am 43. Oddly the celibacy is having some impacts on me; more focus; more seriousness; more concerned with my purpose and with my time use.

    We are on a journey my friend; can we walk together?
     
    Tested, Jun 10, 2017
    Tested, Jun 10, 2017
    #8
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