Wanted some opinions, analysis of my thinking... I have a tendency to be really slow in life. I won't audition for a band because I'm not good enough yet, I won't leave a job yet because there's a project finishing... The last time I was in a sexual encounter with a woman, I had some PIED. Recently I started thinking I could and probably am going to start applying the same logic to dating a woman. "No, no, you're attracted to that girl and she seems interested, but you're not ready yet. You should wait a few more months to make sure you're completely healed." I think I'm kinda screwing myself over here, I think I have to make a move before I think I'm ready. It's by telling myself I have to wait a bit longer that I think I'll probably find myself relapsing again too. So what could happen? I meet a girl, we start dating. If she wants to start getting more intimate I go "NO! I LOVE YOU AND WE HAVE TO WAIT!" Haha, ok, just kidding. But ok, so let's say that happens. The question is can I be ok/mentally strong/spiritually strong enough that if I am like a noodle it doesn't destroy me, right? And maybe I need to read more; are there stories on here like this, with the same thinking? I would imagine the embarrassment/shame could send me over as well. Does this make sense? If after all one of my goals is to be with a woman, it's not like pursuing one "too early" would be a bad thing for my recovery, would it? Now I'm asking about the re-wiring and sci-ency stuff. I'm just thinking if I keep waiting for "when I'm ready", I've still got a foot in the metaphorical porn grave.
My advice would be to dump the porn and make a commitment to this nofap reboot at least 30 days. I’m doing 90 days the longer you do it the more beneficial it is going to be for you in the long run. I understand that everyone is different but I’m not doing any dating during my reboot its only going to slow me down and increase my anxiety. Just the thought of meeting a girl who might want sex and then having to explain nofap to her and that you are not really ready for sex is reason enough to avoid doing any dating at all for the time being. It’s just too complicated that’s what I think. How about you try going for a period of time without worrying about the dating if you are not 100% sure then your mind is never going to start the healing process. You will just relapse over and over again unless you commit to making that change.
Last years I'm waiting for the "I'm ready at last" moment,but it never comes... Just don't lose the chances! Maybe you are ready and you don't know that? who knows? you have to try. THat's what i think.
It would be wise to ask , what are you waiting for ? The perfect circumstances that will never happen ? Or are you afraid of rejection ? It is good to prep but dont let the deeper underlying voices talk you out.
I used to be the same way with girls. Back before NoFap though. Anyways I wait and lose my chance. I haven't been actively looking for a relationship, but if I were I don't think I would am extended period of time because I learned from past experience that not taking action is a loss.
Hi Yngwie. new here just wanted to share my own exp. I found myself constantly waiting until I rebooted before I could start dating. This went from a few weeks to years until I realized that there is not really a perfect time. I have had embarrassing encounters, some girls were cool with it, some were not. But is better than being alone as you wait for a future perfect time. Just my own experience myself.
Yeah...I've found that if you keep waiting for "when you're ready," you'll never be ready. There is no such thing as a perfect time, only less inconvenient times. So go inconvenience yourself and make mistakes.
We are never fully ready for anything, just as ready as we think we can be. Just fucking do it, don't wait until you think you're ready, cause that adds on extra pressure if it turns out you aren't fully rebooted. Life is too short man, what if the girl you passed on because "you weren't ready" could have been your future wife or at least someone you could have a great connection with. It sounds like you are in your head WAY too much. If you haven't already tried it, I highly recommend you take up meditation.