HOCD or Denial? Advice Please

Copying and pasting what I said in another thread because the same applies.

Humans are complex, so I don't think anyone can really answer your question based on a few posts, but it does seem like huge cause of your stress could be attributing unnecessarily negative associations with any homosexual feelings you may have. It seems that you recognise that finding more comfort with your sexuality will help, but in this case thinking of sexuality in terms of strict categories might be a source of stress in itself which fuels your addiction.

Sexuality is a spectrum- a lot of the time it can be a lot more complicated than 'straight' or 'gay' or even 'bi'. It's pretty common for people to feel pretty close to that 'straight' pole but still have some homosexual thoughts and feelings.

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Human_sexuality_spectrum

It's possible, but underresearched that porn can affect sexuality- temporarily or otherwise. But I also think it's likely that can tap into a part of a complex sexuality that without porn might still be there unconsciously, but isn't significant or relevant without exposure those stimuli. So quitting porn might make things clearer. But people are posting these issues every day, and even if only by law of averages, some of them will be gay or bi, so when people post stuff like "quit the porn and you'll be back to normal" I think it's at best irresponsible, and at worst, kind of homophobic. (i should add, i've noticed those comments more on other threads, but only a little bit in this one)

 

Sorry, you misunderstood me- I didn't mean to come across of making light of your troubles (far from it), and I wasn't saying that you or any of the OPs were homophobic at all- I just think that there's a homophobic undertone to the argument that often comes up in response to these threads that just assumes porn is exclusively the source of the issue. Even then, I would still say 'irresponsible' is a better word for it. If people are sold the idea that quitting porn will stop all unwanted thoughts, it's going to be even harder if them if that doesn't happen, even though it might have worked for others.

My understanding is that HOCD is to less to do with the thoughts and feelings themselves than it does the rumination on these thoughts. The straight/gay binary exacerbates this, as does anything that implies that homosexual thoughts in otherwise straight people is in some way abnormal. I can't speculate how common it is, but I'm sure it's common enough. I brought up the spectrum because it seems to make sense to counter the rumination. Taking whatever feelings you experience on face value- just feelings.

 

@WilliamOneAndDone already laid it out.

Don't try and figure out an orientation on a scrambled porn brain.
Stop all porn and do a hard 90. Hard 90 means no MO for best results. MO is typically linked with P and fantasy.
Don't indulge in fantasy.
Overanalyzing will lead to stress, stress will lead to checking, checking leads to use, use equals not taking out the brain trash.
Think about ways to improve your life. Education, exercise, hobbies. Taking away porn can leave a void. Fill it with positivity.

It works.

 

Only because I've been reading way too much lately about this as well as going through it to an extent as an s.o., I have to say in many, many conversations about this there is rapidly seeming to be some back burnered unresolved issue psychologically that doesn't even really have to do with porn itself. The porn however seems to exacerbate it somehow. You mentioned you have social anxiety and ptsd..... have you gotten to the root of what you think put you into those defined states? Every little thing we experience in life molds us, but there are commonalities I'm starting to see appear with many guys asking the same question. Idk, I'm just throwing this out there.

 

Christ. You have classic HOCD. Please get help, see your doctor. You most likely started using porn as an escape from anxiety in the first place. To be fair this isn't an HOCD forum as much as this is a porn addiction forum and no, the two are not mutually exclusive. I know its hard to comprehend but you're posting with the hopes of validating something that there is no validating.Everyone in the world could tell you you're straight but that wouldn't make you feel any better. You're caught in a cycle of rituals to prove to yourself that you're straight just as some get caught in ritualistic behaviors regarding cleanliness (hand washing). Remember thoughts, behaviors, feelings. See your doc please.

 

I read some of your post on the first page and have to agree a lot with @WilliamOneAndDone. From all the you have said, it sound like you definitely have HOCD, I have tried to help a lot of people with it. Quit the porn and you will find who you are. Don't obsess and definitely stop comparing how you feel to hetero porn. Just stop the porn.

 

It unfortunately makes perfect sense. Watch and wait , and definitely do not think your struggle is a completely unique one. I wish I knew the answers or right way to go to get someone on the right tracks again as it would make my life a hell of a lot easier. The fact that you're here and are seemingly very open to self introspective review are huge components to success. My sister is gay and has been a huge help in my mind as a go to for every question under the sun as I struggle to deal with my s.o. Her belief is that if you never had mixed feelings about your orientation before porn , then it's probably truth in that porn distorts your perceptions and beliefs about everything ,including yourself. She told me she knew as young as kindergarten boys weren't it for her....all her friends pretty much say the same thing. As a matter of fact one of her male friends who's gay went as far as to say straight porn is driving him insane. He has never had a desire in his life to be with a woman.....but yet.....his mind goes there bc of his recognized porn addiction. So isn't this some shit?? In the past week I think I've engaged more people in this very topic than any other I can remember. But maybe it's about time that this normalization of porn by current societal standards gets disinfected by some light being shed on how it can be extremely detrimental to many people and how it's going to affect more than any of us might currently know. I wish you felt as confident about yourself as I feel from the impression I'm creating of you off your written word. I wish you the best and if you find anything that works particularly well please share and we'll do the same. Literally I'm thinking yoga and meditation aren't looking so silly to me anymore personally.