Hello, my name is Kevin, I am a 48 year old Male that has been PMOing for 30+ years. It has had a total impact on my physical, mental and social life. Once I retired from the military it was very apparent that I had made very few personal relationships, and even the few that I have are slowly falling apart due to me distancing myself from everyone. It has also created some depression and anxiety. I have decided to quit (not the first time) to regain control over myself and enjoy life to the fullest. Today is my starting date. Thank you.
Welcome to the forum. It's amazing how a behavior we've done all our lives turned out to be so harmful. The detrimental effects of drugs and too much alcohol are easy to spot, but the side-effects of PMO are subtle and can take years to manifest themselves. Even when we have the symptoms it is difficult to make the direct connection to PMO. I hope you find the information, advice, and support you need to overcome this problem.
Day 1 completed and it was very hard to sleep last night without PMO to tire me out. So day 2 begins and my anxiety is kicking in. Normally after I wake is my prime PMO time but I’m here typing this testimonial in its place, which is good because PMO is on my mind constantly but in a different way. I have a headache and my hands are shaking a little so I will consume myself with tasks around the house that I have been putting off for a very long time. I used my Firefox browser for PMO and kept my Chrome browser clean to help me hide it. I have deleted all of my browser history and bookmarks to assist me and now only use my Firefox browser to connect with you guys. Hopefully this helps me out. Thanks for the thumbs up and the encouraging words. They gave me a boost of confidence I needed this morning.
Day 2 completed. Slept long but feel horrible. Got aroused a couple times through the night but just went back to sleep. Emotions are all over the place. Watch a movie last night and couldn’t stop crying, strange. Planning to take a trip next weekend which is big for me because it puts me out of my safe place and the anxiety may kick in. Keeping positive thoughts of the future really helps to motivate me to get through each day one at a time. Thanks again for this site!
Day 3 completed. Woke up with a raging erection, which hasn’t happen in a while. Watched some news to get it to go away, and to stop me from doing my morning PMO. I will continue my home improvement tasks that I’ve been putting off for years while I PMO’d. I’m feeling more appreciative of what I have and starting to feel better about myself as a whole. I see my surroundings differently, kind of hard to explain. I read some of the success stories last night which were very encouraging. It’s amazing how much this site is helping. I wish I would have found it years ago. But can’t change the past, it is what it is. Starting to vision the future in a better light instead of the dark, lonely, PMOing one I use to vision. Thanks again.
Congrats on 3 days. To others it may not sound like much but to us every day is a milestone. Towards the end of your post you mention having a brighter outlook on the future. Here's a link that I found useful early in my recovery. It mentioned having a life vision for yourself or a vision of how you want your life to be. Every decision you make can either bring you closer to that vision or away from it. I hope you find the post encouraging.
Thanks i_wanna_get_better1, that post was long but awesome! That guy was harsh but true. He also referenced some good links and books I'll checkout.
Welcome to NoFap where, as you have seen, you are amongst friends who are here to encourage you and sometimes challenge you but not judge you. Check out In Case You Didn't Know for strategies and tips to help you along your journey.
Day 4 complete. Slept long but not great, woke up with a headache. But it’s still going to be a great day, just got up and started moving. Still going through all the references I received yesterday which were all awesome and since I now have so much time on my hands I decided to call a couple of friends that I haven’t talked to in a while. I used to never talk on the phone unless there was information being passed, but I was surprised that I was able to talk BS (what I used to call it) or what normal people call having a conversation. So I conversed on the phone for about 2 hours yesterday, which is really good for me, and felt a lot more comfortable. Before that I went to the Waffle House and ate a late lunch at the counter. That might not sound like a big deal to most but it’s an accomplishment for me. Eating out is one of the biggest fears for me, maybe because that’s when people normally sit down and talk about their personal lives, which everybody here knows what most of mine was about. I would have never had thought that this PMO could affect a person in the way it has affected me. So just those two daily normal functions, conversing on the phone and eating out, helped me boost my confidence and lower shame. Today I’m going through all the paper work, mail, to do list, etc. on and around my desk. Some of this stuff has been on here for well over a year with no action taken. I used to set aside one day a month to pay my bills and that’s normally was the fifth of the month so I didn’t get a late fee. In fact I did everything last minute and never made plans, so I never did anything enjoyable outside of PMO. This is all changing, I planned a road trip Friday to visit my mother and a friend about halfway thru for lunch. This may seem like I’m rambling about nothing but these are the things I have not been participating in and I miss them. I miss my friends, my enjoyment of music, outside, traveling, meeting new people and learning. I was blessed with a good life but I choose to throw it away. Now I picking it up, OUT THE TRASH, cleaning it up and moving forward one day at a time. Thanks again everyone and the site.
Day 5 and 6 complete. Just spending all of my extra time with friends that I have neglected over the years and enjoying every minute. A lot of time wasted over the years.
