Why is porn considered "normal"?

Hi,

I have a question about the different "modes" of rebooting. I understand the need for having variations of difficulty, since we all are different. Some people need longer times or an easier program to improve. If not, it would be like different people coming to the gym, but there was only one program, and one set of weights to use.

But ... my question is this. I can understand that some people refer to a way of rebooting called "normal mode", which actually means, that you are allowed to look at porn during your program, just not masturbating to the point of orgasm. How on earth can that be fruitful? Porn is the problem! (or the symptom of an underlying cause)

That's like being a smoker, wanting to quit, but going on nicotine gum. Your problem is nicotine addiction, gum doesn't fix that, it keeps it alive!

My question is this: Why do we (in this community) allow these modes that actually keeps the problem alive? Looking at porn while obstaining from orgasm fixes nothing. You are still keeping your wirings alive, and you are still conditioning yourself to look at women as sex objects.

In effect, being on those types of mode streaks will only worsen the final road to recovery, because you will need more tries, and are more likely to give up alltogether. The problem has snuck in the back door, so to speak.

Sorry if this is a newbie question and I have a lot to learn. I just started out myself (not looking at porn at all, of course!), and I have undoubtedly a lot to learn before this is over.

 

Hi Scaramanga. I smoked for 25 years. Tried all the ways there is to try to quit, and I can guarantee you from experience that:
1) nicotine addiction is the root cause; rituals, friends and breaks are the excuses built around that addiction, and
2) Nicotine gum is an industry of keeping this addiction alive. I have friends who have now chewed for 10+ years. They use the very excuses you present to keep chewing. ("It's a step", "I like it", "I got rid of smoking, which is the bad part", "I will get there, and if I don't, I've moved forward"). It's depressing to see others in the clutches of something bad, especially friends.

So I think the smoking analogy is very much to the point here. I would however be interested in knowing about how you experienced that the gradual porn cutting approach was more efficient in the long run. Did the cold turkey somehow backfire, whereas the gradual approach makes you learn the ropes better? That doesn't mean I will quit my mode, I will not, I'm just looking to understand the argument.

For Self Control : I am current not viewing porn, and I hope to NEVER do it again. I don't have a problem with still viewing something like YouTube videos, let's say, a music video. But if I ever catch myself browsing those videos in seeking for or clicking on videos for the sake of seeing the women (and the sexier the better), like videos with big chested hot news anchors, I know I am moving down the path to porn, soft or not. I have no problem SO FAR distinguishing the two. That doesn't mean I'm not tempted. These days, on day 21, I'm extremely tempted. Yesterday, all sorts of thoughts crept into my mind. I saw a girl on the bus, and she was so tempting that I started to imagine all kind of things in a porn-like setting. I couldn't even keep my own thoughts on her as a person, even though I knew I should. My God, porn really screws up the brain.