Hello Fapstronauts, For the last few years I've been struggling with a serious issue. Im 22 now. When I was 17 I had my first sexual intercourse. I had gf at the time and we had all these wild and amazing sexual experiences. It lasted about a year. So when we broke up I had all this sexual energy stored. So almost a year later I went to random chat rooms - text only and started chatting with people to spend time and kill some boredom. Eventually it became a habit and a few months after that, chatting with this girl, she or me ( i cant remember who) changed the conversation to a sexier tone. And that was the first time i sexted outside a relationship. For a long period all I did, just to kill boredom was sexting with girls i didnt know. Then one time a girl asked me to see me in camera and I liked the thrill of it. So sexting became a way of fishing girls - in legal age, obviously- who were up to see me masturbating. All those girls giving me compliments about my penis and this and that made me proud. So I realized I enjoyed showing off so girls could play with themselves and cum. A little more than a year ago I discoverd those websites where people show off for money. And i liked it a lot, because i didnt have to ask girls if they'd like to see me, they would come and all i had to do was talking dirty to them. Even though those websites work in a moneybased system I never charged anything, I just liked doing it for free. All the way from sexting to exibitionisim websites I had a few girls stuck a little more, who spent a month or two sexting, people from around the world or even from my country. Never have i ever told anyone about it. ever. In order to trick myself thinking no one would ever find out, I had this alias, like an alter ego I used to sign in to all those websites and do it. This alter ego only shows up when im alone, when I'm vulnerable or feel rejected I'm easely triggered. For sure, I don't live my life any closely to what that alter ego would live. I really struggle believing what i truly believe when i get in that alter ego mode. Its like nothing else mattered. And obviously it doesn't fulfill me. Meanwhile in real life... It was really difficult to deal with that break up. I was in college and i started an internship, I kept my volunteer work in church as i still do - I can se the HUGE controversy in that, I can see how bad it is. Not for pure christian moralism, but I understand I'm not treating (me and the people who i chatted or showed off to) respectfully and because its get everyone involved away from real life. I didnt realize that i was sad the whole time. From being sad for breaking up I transitioned to beeing sad for working to much. I got hired in a company where i had to work really long hours with no compensation. So I quit that job and by the same time I met this girl, back in 2015 we dated for four months. From when i met her until two months after we broke up I was clean. Didn't get involved with any of these behaviors. 7 full months, clean. But then it hit me again. I hadn't found a meaningful job yet, was alone, spending too much time at home by myself. So for the last year I tried getting away from it. Got some full months clean, but always break it when im around day 36. For the last 8 months I've been spending a lot of quality time with this incredible girl I've know from college (6 years, roughly). But I never had the courage to make a move, because im scared of relapsing again. She is such a good person, I wouldn't like her to experience such a traumatic thing. If I'm going to be with her, should be her ONLY. Not living a double life. I've been trying to stop all by myself, but i think its time to share it with you guys so I can be stronger. thank you.
Thank you for sharing your story and welcome to NoFap where you are amongst friends who are here to encourage you and not judge you! What are your current strategies for combating the enemy called PMO?
Welcome to the NoFap community alencar_lozan and I hope you find these tips helpful. Do not touch your penis unless you are peeing or washing it - no exceptions. Do not use porn (in any form), do not masturbate or cum - called hard mode. Remove sexual thoughts and images from your mind, completely/instantaneously. When weakening from temptation get up and do something: for example, exercise. Find a strict Accountability Partner, the best would be someone you know and trust. Also check The Glossary (above) for the words, phrases and abbreviations we use here.
I have a similar problem with the chat apps. I'm worried it could escalate. Either way I have a girlfriend who I've been dating for 5 years and I can't stop using one of the apps as P substitute. Building connections with real humans across a few continents is utterly satisfying. In the last 6 months I've only managed to go a couple weeks without and that was when I was really busy. I thought I was here to kick PMO but I'm learning the dopamine kick from this edging method is insane. I'm also cheating on my girlfriend with people I don't even know, which introduces shame, guilt, detachment. We should be accountability partners.
Hey Nicky! Thank you for your support and sharing your experience. Fortunately until now I'm beeing able to stay clean since i posted this thread. I'm trying to get myself busy enough to think about doing it again. Yet, a few seconds ago was the first time the thought of getting into a chat app came across my mind, so I came here instead. Finding your reply was so good! I'm rooting for you and your GF!
