Thought I was managing

I am new. I have had lifelong mental health issues, most notable Chronic depression and ADHD. I often sought help and medication, but what I did not face up to was the porn problem. I had only recently shared with my therapist the degree that I was viewing porn, and how it slowly escalated to worse and worse forms. I continually thought that I could get my shit together through my own cleverness and adjustments to therapy. But I just got a big wake up call in the form of local police arriving at my home with a search warrant for child porn. I habitually used tumblr to surf porn and when I got to a point that I was starting to gross myself out I would delete the account and the go without for a while. Then I would come back. Binge purge binge purge. When I looked at porn on tumbler I would like everything that seemed extreme, and I thought that I was always just shy of breaking the law. The police informed me otherwise. The good news is that they have my computer and phone and now know that I was not downloading and collecting or distributing child porn, but the know that I have a porn problem. I opened up to my wife and parents about it the same day. To my great surprise, no one hated me. They in fact have showed me immense support. Now I am still facing potential legal consequences, and have a long way to go to get help, but I have people guiding me. I am just now coming to terms with the realization that I cannot help my self by myself, and I need help. I am already in therapy but am looking into more intensive sexual therapy related programs, and I hope that joining NoFap will help in the journey

 

Honestly, I am relying entirely on other people. I am pretty much doing whatever my wife says. I got a flip phone with the idea that I cant view porn on it, and My parents loaned me a laptop that I have in the kitchen where everyone can see me. But these are just initial steps. I am at three days without PMO but I am not sure how well I will do when the drama of the police search warrant wears off. I am trying to find ways to rebuild trust with my family, who are all still in shock.