Well, this weekend I had a relapse in alcohol (after 2 months sober), and cigarettes and PMO. Today I fall in PMO three times, but now I want to go back to my goal (not PMO for at least 90 days). This time I want to set some rules of reward or punishment in the event of a relapse, just to help me stay strong, has anyone here ever tried to do this? Insane thoughts, but I will not give up, I will start to do gym and what makes me good. I accept suggestions.
Hey there … don’t get to down , just learn from your mistake!!! I know for myself if I want to try no PMO I need to avoid alcohol completely. I never really slipped up when I was drunk but the next day when I had a hangover I could never resist P.. Maybe consider giving alcohol a break for a few weeks?? Also gym is a good idea to release some negative energy but also try anything where you get to mix , talk and get to know new people. I believe P makes your life very narrow… to reach out and get to know real people rather than the toxic negative people in P… Best of luck
Yeah Smartboyj is on the money. Someone said that 'addiction is the result of an absence of something'. Porn, alcohol and cigarettes are so strong an addiction because they mask our fears that we are on our own. All it takes to beat the addiction is to go out and make new connections or strengthen the connections you already have. This will create new connections in your brain to override addictions. But when you're down and depressed it's super fuckin' hard to get out and meet people. I'm starting slow with Tinder and Plenty Of Fish, and checking out a new group on Meetup.com every week. Kind of gives you the strength to say to porn, 'You're pretty much irrelevant to my life and everything I'm wanting in my life.'
Sorry Trich201, I don't think it's helpful to suggest Tinder and PoF and other hookup sites. That is not about making meaningful connections. Tinder and similar sites induce the same sort of compulsive behaviour that people on nofap are trying to break. How about joining a group no focused on sex and hookups at all, to meet genuine people on a non-sex level. I do, however, completely agree with what you've said about addiction - the absence of something - but what you don't want to do is transfer/manifest it somewhere else.
That's true Melis, thanks for the clarification. It depends on your goals really. I'm here to get my confidence back through sperm retention and no porn, so that I can meet girls and have rewarding relationships. Porn has kept me living a sheltered lonely existence for way too long and that's really what I need. POF and Tinder definitely have a hookup culture, but half of it is also genuine girls looking for genuine guys. I'm not looking for hookups but for relationships with real people. Not into living like a monk, whether it's using porn or not using it at all. But yeah Meetup.com is a great site for meeting people and having fun in general.
It's like being between a rock and a hard place, I really sympathise but you are on your way and that must feel great! I would just say, that loneliness is a big factor for many here and filling that hole with something other than PMO or anything similar or related to it -is key to success. I would also say, that you will meet a genuine girl when you least expect and aren't actively looking; when you are doing something pretty regular but in your element - like at your art class for example (if you're going to art classes?). It just seems to be the way it works out
Thanks everybody. In the case of Tinder and other stuff, i'm not interested because I'm having a time of my life that I am reconquering trustness in my family and healing from my addiction and my negative emotions, so I prefer the monk style (and it really makes my eyes brighter). About rewards and punishment, someone have a suggestion about it? Thanks again.
Awesome man! You did great with what you've done so far. I think punishment is useless since it leads to a shame spiral, right back to down to where you don't want to be. Pat yourself on the back, you're master of your domain brother. I reckon the best reward system is positive reinforcement from others. Tell someone you trust about your decision. Then tell someone else. The more people you tell, the more solid the decision becomes. Then you can gather good feedback by telling them about how you're going during the setbacks / fallbacks. I told my mum and my best friend so far and they've been super supportive. They actually opened up to me about some cold-turkey decisions they're going through right now too. I also use this forum as a method of gathering positive reinforcement. It makes you feel good when people are cheering you on. What's definitely helping for me is keeping a forum diary here and writing a new post every day about what I'm going through. Wouldn't mind an accountability buddy either, sounds like that helps.
Trich201- now that advice is awesome! Yes, punishment will lead you right back down that rabbit hole. Also, consider that in this journey you are trying to break the cycle of reward/punishment; you are working towards being in control of yourself (therefore no reward or punishment needed) you are not a child anymore. Good luck!
I've tried some punishment stuff before, like giving money to charity and so on. It didn't really seem to work, but at least charities got some money lol. I think the problem with punishments is that you're saying this to yourself: "If I slip up, I will punish myself." What's the problem there? The "If"! There is no "If"! You will never do it again!
Yes hermit_ninja. There are many problems with punishment and that IF is a big one. But also, punishment in this instance is too intrinsically connected to the addiction. In most cases punishment will increase the occurrence of the undesired response, whatever that is for each of us; indeed punishment is a big part of the reward-punishment cycle; think about how delicious and addictive that feeling is, to be punished :|. It arouses strong emotions which then drive you to seek the reward. They are one and the same on a spectrum!
