Hello, my name is Julian I'm from the UK. I have to say it is such a relief finding this site after I came to a decision to quit porn. I am married to a wonderful woman who works long hours, we share the responsibilities with the kids but after all the work is done we have no time for intimacy, so I turned to porn. It has always been in my life (ruining it) but lately things have been getting out of control, it begun to effect my sex drive at home, I could not get aroused by my wife, I had completely lost interest in sex and I began looking for sex outside of my relationship. Thank heavens my moral compass prevented me from doing so, but I was left feeling guilty, angry at myself and confused, I just couldn't seem to stop it, nor did I want to. I obviously don't want a marriage without intimacy but I have realised that I need to be a much better man, I have to be honest with my wife and I need to quit porn if things are going to change. I need to be the Man in the relationship, which means there can be no place for porn, it's disgusting and weakens the mind. It makes me a man I no longer want to be, I am disgusted with myself for my weakness and I know it's porn doing the damage so I have quit. It's great having this forum as support. Since stumbling upon NoFap on Youtube after searching about quitting porn I quickly realised that no masturbation is also a part of the cleansing process. Oh my G-d, I've been masturbating like a bunny since the age of 14 (I am now 48) and here is the really big challenge but I have decided to take it. If I can do this I can do anything and that is why I am going to push on through, I know this will change my life It's been a week now, no porn, no masturbation and I am using the power of transmutation to use the energy to exercise. I am guessing sex with the wife is allowed as since giving up the intimacy is returning, my wife came on to me on Friday and I had the opportunity to be intimate once again. Considering we only had sex once last year, and I've had sex once since I decided to give up porn a week ago thats a pretty good result. I won't ramble but today I have been dying to masturbate but I have resisted, but hell I've had to do a lot of exercise. My apple watch tells me I've done 400% above my daily target. Fighting the urges is really tough but they pass. I need to change my life and I know quitting porn is the key. No masturbation will give me so much more energy that I am really excited to see what I do with it, it's like man-power. Thanks for just being here!
Thanks Potato93. This is definitely the biggest change I have ever made in my life. I am so relived that this forum is here.
Welcome to NoFap where you are amongst friends who are here to encourage you and not judge you. What are your current strategies for combating the enemy called PMO?
Welcome to the forum. The first few weeks are the most difficult because you are going through a detox period. What we have is not merely a bad habit... we are addicted and we experience withdrawal symptoms when we stop. Most people's cycle peaks between day 7-10 so what you are feeling is normal. Try to stay out of the 'trance' or 'autopilot mode'. Resist the temptation to just take a peek. You might feel angry and irritable but that should pass. As you work on getting better your wife will continue to see improvements in your behavior. You will feel more confident, less ashamed, more assertive, less isolated, and more positive. Consider working with her to get better... if done right it can draw you closer together in ways you never felt before. I wish you success on your journey.
D.J That is a really good question and one with a very complicated answer that goes back to other changes I have made in my life and the methods I used to enable those changes. First off let me say that I seem to have an addictive personality, I used to take drugs, I used to smoke, both of which I have quit using will-power. I still relapse once every so often (very rarely), but I have it well under control. 3 years back I read a book that changed my life called 'Think & Grow Rich' it is very complicated and I did't get all the way through it, but I understood enough for the words to sink in. My life was a mess, my business was failing and something needed to change. Cut a long story short, I learned that there are two main factors in making big changes in our lives, one is having a REASON WHY, the other is SACRIFICE. My reason why was simple 'my family' the thing I needed to give up ended up being my passion, my artwork. I used to create amazing comic book stories, but it had taken over my life which had an effect on my work, it was draining all my creative energy. Move forward 3-years and my life, my career is totally different, I have managed to re-invent myself. Now lets get onto porn and mastibation and my reasons why. Recently my mother passed away, and before she died she told be 'live your life with no regrets' the words were incredibly powerful and made me reflect upon my life. It turns out that I haven't enjoyed sex for so long that I seem to have accepted it, instead I seek pleasure from porn. It is something I am ashamed of and I know that if it continues I will regret it when my time comes to an end. I have made a decision that I want to enjoy sex again and to get intimacy back into my life and I know that I need to quit porn to make it happen. Finally going back to that book, Think & Grow Rich (by the way I am a hippie at heart, so money is not the main driver for me) Chapter 7 is all about Sexual Transmutation. It seems that one of the key secrets to big success is the control of sexual urges, not letting sex drive rule your mind. I know in my heart that this change will be massive. I have a high sex drive and energy doesn't just disappear, it transmutes. The first law of thermodynamics states that energy cannot be destroyed, it can only be changed from one form to another. That means if I suppress my sexual energy it must transform into something else, equally as powerful. This is extremely exciting as I know what the process has done for me in the past with my creative energy. So in answer to your question D J, my coping mechanism is the knowledge that something amazing is going to happen.
Hell, I am virtually in a constant state of anxiety. I am trying and succeeding to change the feeling of anxiety into one of excitement. If I feel restless I am exercising. You should see me at the gym classes, even in the break I am still jumping around. Having this forum and having you guys supporting me is a blessing. You are helping me make the change into the man I truly want to be. This is really tough but so far I am buzzing on the challenge. Day 9.
