Afternoon everyone! I've only just discovered the huge community discussing issues like this and porn addiction. Stumbled across this site and thought it'd be best to join up as I really want to share views and might need a little support along the way. Mid 30's and suffering from, what I believe is, life-long psychologically induced ED (or "the fear" as I've always called it) and quite severe desensitisation through unusual excessive masturbation techniques. I first got "the fear" when I lost my virginity at 16.... and have done with every partner since. It's been enough to keep me content with years between sexual partners which isn't easy to excuse in my industry (modeling). There's no worse moment than knowing your just about to disappoint to most important person to you and if I can't avoid it, then there's a ritual of excuses I have to give in advance to prepare for the impending disappointment. Then it takes me several different failed attempts with a partner before I'm comfortable enough to overcome the fear and get down to business as it should be. My alternative to a partner was, obviously, self gratification. Now, I'm born "half shrown": head uncovered, not circumcised but always on the look out so to speak. Because of this, I'm a little less sensitive than I should be and this has led to some rather unusual PMO techniques: the "dry lycra shuffle" - a technique that is so frikin awesome I'm going to safeguard its secret from you all for your own benefit. Its like crack!! (so I hear): With every hit you need that little bit more. Several years of this method, combined with a cock ring, have left my old fella with a rough head and very little sensitivity. Edging for an hour and a half (2-4 times a day) turned into a requirement for that period of time to orgasm when I'm having "an off week". Erectile longevity whilst on my own differs from week to week, sometimes hard for an hour, sometimes only 10 mins. My body position during PMO has made it impossible orgasm with a partner unless they replicate my technique... Not an easy request on the first date and I'm pretty sure I can't make babies that way!! Out of my 25 sexual partners, only 3 have walked away with a trophy. Sex with me isn't sex for me, it's sex for my partner. My most recent experience (last week) was completely embarrassing. The girl was an undeniable 10/10, perfectly formed in every single way, possibly the most intricately carved notch on my bedpost (I have quite an impressive collection of beautiful ex partners!!.... All of which have been a embarrassment at best so it's really nothing to boast about). I was flaccid for the entire time up until 30 seconds before ejaculation. So I decided to abstain for a while and started researching... I discovered the site yourbrainonporn and went through the guides, FAQs etc. WOW! That's a lot to take in! I've been watching porn every day, several times a day since the days of dial up. Watching Gabes vlog was inspiring but a little daunting. Yes, I think I need to reboot and yes, I think I might be able to manage 30 days or so without but really, I'd like to think I can do this without changing my job, my personality and joining the scouts. What he has achieved and contributed is very admirable but I get the feeling he wants me to become a member of a church... In my case, it's a double edged sword! Rebooting will in no doubt help me both mentally and physically but it is merely a step up to the larger hurdle I have in place. Overcoming "the fear" has become a very apparent impossibility through my eyes and experience however, rebooting my sensitivity will assist my confidence and help towards the cause so.... .... day 4 today!! No touchy feely, no porn, no fantasy! Early days yet but my Mojo seems to have almost completely disappeared. One day at a time now....
Well done on taking action and finding out about nofap! Good luck on reaching 30 days. If you're feeling a little flat right now that's normal I believe but watch out for when the urges come back.
Even more difficult when you work from home, on your own.... Lapsed a little yesterday with M but no O or P. Certainly not experiencing any hyper sensitivity yet which is a little worrying but I suppose it's all par for the course and I should use this in my favour to aid abstination. I've read many case studies and frapstronaut blogs now and I'm a little unsure about 1 thing: What then? Once I've done my target and regained sensitivity (hoping that 30 days will be enough) I plan to return to M but only under natural conditions with a reduction of about 80% of my previous habit (every 3days or so, lubricated, with no P) but reading through, it seems many are trying to give up for good!!! Something I just can't understand...
