So this is my story - like many I was addicted to porn for many years. Always liked schoolgirls/pigtails and uniforms and young girls and once i got a laptop aged 25/26 it was a quick slide into underage. i found the dark net and then there was no limit - found myself to fapping exclusively to young girls in hardcore movies - all very illegal and immoral. At my darkest, if it had been a few days since i fapped i could easily be aroused by 7/8 year old girls sucking guy's dicks and having anal sex with adult men. it became a quest to find the perfect HD video of a beautiful girl getting cum on her face or whatever - always the search for the perfect girl. predictably i got caught last year and have lost everything since my arrest - wife, job, home and unsupervised access to my children (who are under 3). Now i am trying to rebuild my life but it's a struggle to suppress the urge to look at porn - i have tried to just fap to teen (legal) porn but it's very tempting to go to the app store, download that tor browser and just quickly get a video of choice. i hate myself afterwards but am trying and have decided that maybe it's best to just go for the NoFap, hence i am here. The tipping point was last night i dreamt about a young girl (maybe 7 yo) sitting on my face and sucking my dick and i woke up incredibly horny but depressed about what my mind will do to me and where the fuck am i going to end up in my life if i cannot get rid of these desires. as part of my sentence i meet with a probation officer and discuss how i got to this point. when i was 18/19 i remember being excited about porn and having a few teen porn mags at university but never an attraction to kids (i still don't think i am actually attracted to kids - teens yes though) but it was access to porn in my kid 20s and the hours i would spend on weekends just lying half naked in bed smoking weed and watching porn that led me to acquire a desire for more and more extreme porn. also the lure and excitement of finding torrents/dark web and this 'secret' part of the web that i still get off on now. anyway hopin somewhere here there is anyone who can provide guidance and reassurance that they might be a way out of these thoughts as going longer than 2 days without fapping is very difficult and i haven't managed to not look at cp for more than a couple of weeks
man, what you did is horrible and you probably know since you went to jail for it. Do you want to be arrested again for a thing like that?
I'm sure he doesn't want to go to jail but you have to remember that addiction isn't rational, that is why it is an addiction. You need to figure out some hobbies or something. You seem to be telling yourself "I must not watch porn, I must not watch porn" "i must not think of porn, i must not think of porn". So what happens? You think of porn and watch porn, which is a common problem. As far as what you fap to it probably isn't what your into. I would be willing to bet that you may not even be into teens as much as you think. When someone is highly addicted it is hard to tell what you are really into. You have to find something to replace the porn.
I agree with nitsuj0786. The deeper you get into addiction the more novelty you were looking for to get stimulated. I am not gay and there were times when I was deep into PMO when I had gay porn dreams. You must replace the void (time spent on PMO) in your live with new hobbies and healthy interest as much as possible so that your brain re-wires and you will have less and less urges for P or PMO. You will also find yourself not even thinking about "I must not watch porn" for days on end until you see a trigger (bound to happen as all media is about sex) that will test you. Only then you must use the "I must not watch porn" in your head in conjunction with remembering the guilt that comes afterwards. That usually calms me down. I feel bad for your story but remember that YOU and only YOU have the power to make the change and become a better person. Isn't why you are here? NoFap is here for you to be able to talk to people who are going through the same fight to recover from PMO addiction. So check in daily to get support as well as give support to others that are struggling. Best of luck,
I'm feeling it bad today; trying to read up on porn addiction chemistry in the brain and tell myself these feelings are because of that. It's been a couple of days since I last fapped - but kept it to a picture of my wife in a bikini. I'm obsessed with her now but she says she doesn't love me anymore and it just makes me more depressed. Thoughts of her fill my mind but i've just driven to work and am sat here with a boner in my car thinking about the cp videos I'd like to watch right now and thoughts of little girls doing things to me. Seems to be stories all over the news here in the Uk about child abuse scandals as well and it makes me few depressed that my wife and others will view me as part of that whole culture. I then think about porn and cp in particular as a reaction. Do the feelings of sexual desire and obsession plateau after a week or so? i've been 5/6 days before when knowing i was going to be having sex with my wife and i was insanely horny by then - tell me it will get better and easier to manage!! Feeling slightly pleased that i managed not to MO in bed this or just morning when i was fantasising for my wife for 1 hour+
No, it wont get better after few days, it requires more time especially that you are heavily addicted to the "wrong porn" You should be really ashamed of yourself, and use that shame to change. Personally i would be disgusted and ashamed if i would jerk off to 8 years old girls, come on that is siick.
So i made it through the work day ok but one of my colleagues was talking about sex and perving about one of the hot auditors and i can't help but join in on the sexual banter. Now I'm home (live with parents now) and i just wish i had something to do or friends to call for a drink. to respond to another poster, i have been very lucky - i didn't go to prison or anything but did community service and a lot of people including former work colleagues don't know what i was prosecuted for. there was zero press coverage as well so at the moment all my new colleagues and some old friends who i haven't seen in a long time probably think i'm still happily married and fine. but it has been 2 years of hell - social services still involved with my family and saying i can't look after my kids yet (they are both under 3) i went for a sunbed session after work today (lol) which i haven't done in over 10 years - to try and make myself look and feel better. lying naked in the booth the heat felt good and i actually tried to get a boner but it felt half hearted. i don't know much about the NoFap theory - should i MO without porn just to get rid of the urge and then i'll be ok for a few days or will this still maintain the dopamine receptors at their level in my brain? happily i'm not thinking about cp or underage girls but am thinking about hot girls with big tits, especially my wife who i crave like mad. advice and experienced hands welcome
You are fighting for your very mind! You can do this my friend. Realize that this is CONSUMING you! It sounds like you could use a reboot.
Good luck, man... I read all of this thread. Here for you if you ever need/want to chat. I'm 20/m/American.
