Just hit 7 days, eyes beginning to open. Just hit 7 days with no Porn, masturbation, or Edging. It's been a challenging 7 days to say the least. Lots of difficulty. And a few really close moments where I almost relapsed. But the last 3 hrs in particular have been a roller coaster ride. I had some very close calls online and was about to give up when I decided to head over to the nofap subreddit. I wound up on a thread talking about the abuse that goes on in the porn industry. It talked about these women and what they go through and how it effects them. It talked about how degraded they are on the sets and how some (not all) producers are basically filming rape. I read some testimonies of girls in the industry talk about how they feel both physically and emotionally when they shoot porn. Now, here's the thing. None of this was news to me. I have read these kinds of things a million times trying to make myself hate porn. It never worked. Quite honestly, the graphic content of the articles would start to turn me on and I would sometimes go find pics of what they were talking about and masturbate. But this time was different. I started to cry. I started to feel the pain they were describing. I started to hurt for them and hate porn...for the first time I started to see and feel that these women were not "sluts", "whores", "bitches", or even "babes" and "hotties". For the first time I realized they are people. These women , whether they wanted to be there having sex on camera or didn't, either way I realized THEY ARE PEOPLE! They are human beings just like me! They have feelings and hopes and dreams and pain and sadness. For the first time they weren't just objects for me to "get off" to. I wanted to crawl in a hole and just cry thinking about the thousands of hours of my life I have spent contributing to their pain by pointing, clicking, and fapping. That was a HUGE eye opener! But it wasn't the biggest one. The even bigger one was when I realized how I have been just as selfish and inconsiderate to my wife in bed. I realized the countless time we have had sex and I was using her to "get off". I realized how she was my sex toy. I have been justifying it by telling myself that I am never rough with her, I never make her do anything she says she doesn't want to do. And many times she climaxes. But I realized that none I those things change what's going on in my own head. I realized how many times I have "fucked" her and called it "making love". I understand that sex can be passionate, and even aggressive sometimes, but what I am referring to is the countless times all I cared about was getting rid of an urge, and not sharing pleasure with her. I realized that as far as my mindset, so many times sex with her wasnt all that different than when I fapped to porn. The only difference is that in one instance I using my hand to masturbate and in the other I am using her body. Like I said before, I have read all the "women aren't sex objects" stuff before. I have even lectured other people about it. But I believe it took 7 days no P/M/E for me to actually figure it out for real. I feel like complete shit that I have thought this way for so long. I feel like shit that I let my mind get so fucked up by porn and masturbation. I am so disappointed that I have lost years of my life rationalizing and justifying lies about sexuality and women. But I am also hopeful as well. I am hopeful that now that my eyes are being opened to the things I have thought so wrongly, there is hope for true sexuality. True connection. True joy. True love. I want that so bad. I don't ever want to "fuck" again. I don't want to undress women with my eyes and fantasize about what it would be like to "do" them. I want to have true relationships, true sexuality, and treat everyone with true humanity. It's amazing what even a little distance from P/M/E can do. I hope I always remember this lesson.
Well done Scott, keep going with this. You've found the fantastic, truthful way to live. We're all striving to leave pornography in the past. It is a dark industry. I'm trying to find truthful articles about it all. Here's one: http://thoughtsfromjas.wordpress.co...oration-into-the-world-of-pornography-part-2/
Thx for the encouragement guys. My next question is, what do I say to myself when my brain says "the softcore stuff is different. Those women aren't being abused, no is even touching them."
Good question Scott. I don't crave hardcore porn at all, at this point I find it disgusting. It's the softcore porn that still gets me. Softcore porn is the reason I relapsed twice.
To be honest, it seems these porn actors needs therapy just as much, if not more than some of us do. If they feel so badly about it, why do they continue to do it? If they feel like they can't do anything else, therapy will help them understand that they can and they have a choice, just like we all have a choice on if we want to contribute to their pain, or the pain for newly introduced actresses who have no idea what they are getting into.
Just remember, it's still not real. No matter how much passion it looks like they have, or how much they actually have, it's still fake sex to make money.
I agree but I am talking about the softcore porn like playboy and such. The kind where it's just naked bodies but no simulated sex. What do I tell my brain when it starts to tell me "this stuff is different. THis stuff isn't hurting anyone."
I know what you mean, it feels perfectly harmless to look at some beutiful pictures in a magazine or whatever. For me it recently led to a setback. I was on 23 days and feeling really free of pornography. I started looking at some modelling shots online with motorbikes thinking it was harmless. I was 'just testing' myself at first but it was amazing how my brain was unable to stop me just testing a little further and a little further until a few hours later things had got out of control again. Some people might be able to look at innocent enough stuff and take it or leave it, but I think people in recovery and trying to break away any image can lead to a relapse considering how easy it is to 'just look at one more'. Maybe 20years ago if you just saw a magazine shop it was innocent fun but now for guys like us who have seen all kinds of mind numbing content it can act as a trigger to going back. It's kind of like how some view cannabis as a gateway drug that leads to other stuff.
THat industry is still harming others by making them less and less innocent. Imagine if that kid who found his first magazine at 8 years old never found that magazine and never found porn. It's very rare, but imagine if the very first time he seen a woman naked was after he became an adult as was with his girlfriend/wife. It's a gateway like wonder said, you think it's harmless but eventually your brain will start craving more and more until you wind up on porn. It's 2014, I'm pretty sure kids won't stop at just the magazine anymore no more than we would if we let it become a habit again.
I've found something that might explain it better ‘Softcore pornography has a very negative effect on men as well. The problem with softcore pornography is that it’s voyeurism teaches men to view women as objects rather than to be in relationships with women as human beings.’
Thx guys! Those are great responses! Totally helpful. I also loved the article! I think I am tracking with you guys and I think you just nailed it fallior. Softcore porn does all of the same objectifying of women and dehumanizing of them in mind as hardcore porn does. At the end of the day, whether I am seeing them doing despicable things or just wearing see-thru lingerie, they are still just objects to me at that point and I am just supporting a different part of the same life destroying, insidious industry. Thx guys ! You all rock! This helped me ALOT!!
That's awesome to hear, and no problem. Hope you can beat this, I hope we can all beat this. The porn industry deserves to start losing money for once.
