I have started watching porn when I was 9. It started with seeing scenes on tv to searching hardcore stuff online. It changed from straight to gay, until my father found out by looking at the history; he was devastated, reacted in a scary way, I was embarrassed and felt like a pervert. Since then my life has been a continuous jerk off. I've never hurt anyone sexually except for myself, i'm this mean bitter lonely person. Most days I would have jerked off 3 times by now. So today has been good so far, I hope I can make it through the night. Ive never had a long term monogamous relationship, I have known a man for over a year that was good to me but I just keep letting him down. My lifestyle of living in a fantasy land has destroyed my soul. Ive dont things with strangers, and put a video of my self online, I live in constant shame knowing people are watching it. My dad killed himself in april and I thought I would feel something if I told the man Ive been seeing that I don't want to talk to him, only to spiral into darkness, then miss him and want him back, we still hang out but he doesn't want to have feelings only to have me hurt him. I feel like I don't even deserve to be happy. I hurt the people I love. PMO gives me this destructive pleasure.
Hey man. I will tell you this, nofap will help you a lot. It will help you deal with your emotions and problems. It will help you get mental healthy so there can be a good future for you. But... It is very difficult especially when your life isn't at that good state. But if you focus everyday and accept the withdrawels you will accomplish it.
Never stop fighting,it is never too late for change. we all believe in you and we will be there for you whenever you need us. we all suffer from the same problem that why we are united. you can take control of your life just stay focused and live each day like it is your last day, don't live in the past, convince yourself that you are a new person now.i ve been throught the same road as yours, i have done some horrible stuff that i cant forget,but i am trying now to redeem myself by staying away from all the sexual bad things and trying to be a functional human being, i ve just started no pmo this day, and i hope that one day i will be free from the prison that i ve made by my own hands so just hang in there and fight with your body and soul and i am sure you will find your happiness
Matt, those things you related are totally not related to NoFap. But, since this is serious stuff I thought I might give you my opinion. My mother take antidepressants, and I am a depressive guy although I never took medicine for it. My parents are divorced and I used this as an excuse to hurt myself and feel sad for myself for over ten years. But lately I started to realize, I might have had a role in the brake up of my parents, but it was not my fault. Maybe my attitude helped a bit, only to kick the bucket which was already full. And I told you my story because the same applies to you. Imagine if every gay guy had his dad or mom die. Can you imagine that? No, because most people don't go out killing themselves when they find their son is gay. Elton John is gay and he's fucking brilliant. Even if you are not gay, don't think it's your fault, your father didn't care for his life long ago. Maybe you disappointed him, but I disappointed my father this week, and he was fucking brilliant. (1) There are two things here. One is regret for what you have done, just forgive yourself and move on. The second, is that your father is dead now, this is an enormous grief even when it's not suicide. For this... I don't think I can say anything. Maybe seek medical help. If anything, keep your mind busy, it works both for NoFap and for when I'm feeling sad. One last thing you should do is to set clear if you are gay or not. Take some time to think and sort it out, and have courage to admit if you are. This might make things better. (1) My father caught me talking on his backs and he was upset for a day or two, although he said nothing but a few jokes of my attitude. On the third day he bought me a present, new pants. I's summer here and the one I use didn't fit anymore.
