The Cold Hard Truth About NoFap

Today is my Day 20. I do not feel alfa male at all like some people report they do. my voice is back to normal. the only bigger difference I notice is my eyes work all Day till late evening and I need to sleep less to feel like my battery is full. I should go out where people are to see if they notice me more But I have no time. Will try next week maybe when I will be at 27 days. my balls feel heavy and I want to release my load But there is no propper person Who deserves that gift and I dont want to feel like shitbag if I masturbate now

 

Man it's good to see that there are other people struggling too. I do agree with the first post. My goal is actually to clear my mind from P and M. Which means, quit this bullshit forever. But I think in order to do that effective, it is necessary to learn to understand myself better. It might just be not enough to refrain from these observable behaviours. I think it's more about being open for the experiences that occur and find better/more healthier ways to cope with them. So instead of pressuring oneself to refrain from undesired behaviours it's really more about finding out who one really is or who one really wants to be. But nevertheless, IT'S FUCKING HARD... ^^ I believe that we can win this war against our own internalized slavery (which we have been taught by society, see: panopticism) together/with other people, who are on the same track.

 

I'm inclined to agree. About a year ago I discovered this site and set about doing NoFap - I reached 90 days first time, which was something of an achievement.

But then came the realisation - had things changed? Not in my eyes. I still didn't have a meaningful relationship with a girl, I hadn't been promoted. I wasn't suddenly blessed with creative skills beyond what I had before.

Around the 100 day mark I relapsed. It was like having an old friend back, albeit one who wasn't a particularly good influence. But then I ended up spending days and days with him, wasting hour upon hour that I could have spent working out, exploring my great city, connecting with real people. Hell, even watching TV or playing video games would have been more fulfilling. Days turned into months.

Then came the realisation - I'm wasting my life. Would I want to watch a highlights package of my life afterwards? Was my body as good as it was after 90 days of NoFap? No. Was I feeling worse overall? Yes. Did I feel ashamed of who I am? A little, if I really thought about it.

I'm going to go for the 90 days again. But this time I've realised its just A target. But it's not THE target. Because everyone's target is different.

 

Just when I finished this post, I saw an ad for an ebook for "brain hacks for quitting porn". The mechanisms of control are everywhere... It's not about learning how to control and undermine aspects of your personality. It's better to integrate every aspect of it into one unified self.
The developmental conditions in which we grew up and still grow up in leads us to shatter our own personalities. Even lots of social psychologists view the self as an accumulation of different identities and stuff... Thank god there are also some humanistic oriented psychologists who don't just ask how people function in our fucked up society, but also ask the question what it means to be a human being and what a human being can be.

We are here to bring back together what belongs together. We want to integrate even the deepest parts of ourselves. It's terrible hard work.

 

Igy, you have to do something with your number of messages. It looks pretty similar to the number of the beast right now

 

Great stuff. The beauty of this site is that you can acknowledge your problem with folks who can share your experience and expand on it without shame. Getting feedback is crucial for the level of understanding needed to respond intelligently. Everyones situation is different from the level of addiction to the residual effects of recovery. It is a blessing to get involved in a thread that can deepen and reinforce your recovery.
The take away here for me is that after a while the days, as they accumulate do become something of a non-issue. I think that managing to stay strong and seeing a ticker below a post lends itself to a certain credibility when applied to a post from someone who has built up some time. You can be assured that someone who has several months in recovery has dealt with some pretty rough patches, and came out stronger for their struggle. Perhaps this advice is worth paying a little closer attention to.
I know that what used to be a slap in my face for my attention, is now more of a poke with a finger. I have gotten some distance between myself and this issue and the hold is lessening. It still provokes me but the resistance requires less and less of my sustained attention.
I also know that this idea of finding and cultivating the qualities that comprise my whole self, or as Geodor put it, a more unified self is now something I can pursue without undermining my efforts by a PMO.
The funny thing is that when you can clear out enough space to look around your mental attic, you find there is much much more to be done. Anything you engage in habitually is just a distraction from your real purpose which is really to know yourself.
If I were to die today, I would breath my last and be able to have some kind of respect for myself because I have now made a concerted effort to rid myself of a problem that was shameful and humiliating. I have succeeded in a manner that seemed impossible. Not to long ago I was surfing porn every single day and I really never thought I would get a handle on the problem.
So that's great, and it continues to be a point of pride in a very internal way. I also realize that I have much larger issues to tackle and I am much more confident that I can do so effectively. Have a great day all.....

 

Well said.

 

Expecting to get a girlfriend after successfully not PMOing is like asking a casino after a gambling addiction for a refund. The stoping of PMOing will only switch your mindset like in every other addiction. If you use its beneficial components is completly up to you.

 

As i figure, the days itself don't matter. They're just numbers. It's much more of a symbolic and psychological effect it has on you. If you make a certain number of days, you start believing in yourself more, hence the self confidence and willpower emerge as your traits. But if you expect for something special to just magically appear in day 90, you are surely setting yourself for a fall...

 

I'd disagree on that, all you need to be addicted to porn is a connection to the internet and to be a human being

 

Every streak does a lot for me, but of course, it doesn't fix everything. Look at like having a heavy drinking or drug problem. There will be massive benefits when you stop, but stopping drugs or drinking won't fix the OCD you have or mend your broken arm.

I think you might have gotten caught up in some hyperbole. You won't suddenly get excepted in Medical school or be able to talk in tounges [ for you Pentecostals ] but a lot of things will improve. All the improvements 'Scruff' listed are pretty substantial.

I can tell you I'm feeling pretty low right now after relapsing, and the days do make a difference. After fapping recently it's much harder to stop, and the first couple days - week are the hardest. The longer you go the easier it is to stay away from it. So you may ask why did I relapse? I wasn't even thinking about porn or wanking, but I got sick[flu] which led to my getting depressed, was in pain, and sitting around the house alone all day. I still have thinks like depression and anxiety that are triggers. Sometimes we are not as determined to stop as well, but the longer you go without it the less of a hold it will have on you.

 

It's true that all you need to view porn is an Internet connection, however addiction to porn or any other thing (sex, alcohol, work, drugs) is rooted in the toxic shame cycle.

I feel bad- shame. I will do or watch this thing. It gives me a chemical high, dopamine or other (temporary relief from internal pain). I feel even more shame for doing this thing. I feel bad -shame and I start again.

This is why just 90 days of abstinence doesn't solve the problem permanently. It's starts us on a positive track, but then we need to process where the shame comes from. Childhood usually. And it's learned from parents or caregivers. We can be taught to feel bad about ourselves by example (because caregivers feel bad about themselves), by trauma, or by abuse or neglect.

Some people can watch porn and not be addicted at all. They don't need something to give momentary relief to deep pain, shame or loneliness.

 

Correction, they may feel those things from time to time, however they have learned positive ways to deal with those difficult feelings. Ie Self soothe. A child given unconditional love grows with a knowledge that they are fundamentally OK and lovable.

 

don't count the days, make the days count, and if you really need to count, count the weeks, not the days.

 

That´s a good theory you are mentioning @Phoenix11 . Where did you get that? Did you attend a therapist? Have you analyzed your childhood? I´m asking because I want to find the roots and the causes of my addiction...

 

Very well said @slapdad jones !! Lately it is almost like an addiction, checking out the threads here on Nofap. People here try to change their lives to the better. That´s why I feel understood here. There aren´t many people in my circle of friends that have the same mindset.

"Anything you engage in habitually is just a distraction from your real purpose which is really to know yourself."
That sentence blew my mind!!!