Positive vs negative encouragement

This is the internet so we're going to hear from assholes sometimes. If you have something to share or some advice to give, then give it. The assholes who think 90 days magically turns you into some reboot guru full of priceless nuggets of wisdom are kidding themselves. And lets be clear, I'm not saying their 90 days isn't worthy of some respect, but the idea that they're the only people who could contribute to this site is malarkey. This shit is a lifelong process, so as long as you're alive you have the right to share your experience and wisdom with others. Your two days isn't nothing. I'm at day zero and would love to be on day two.

 

Please don't feel bad about being upset and hurt. I cried the other day and legitimately wished I could just die because of something some horrible person said to me online. Why? Because it reminded me of how terrible people can be, and it makes me so sad and angry and hurt and frustrated to have to live with so many terrible people who go out of their way to tear others down. I can't fathom the desire to say something rude to a stranger for no reason. People don't realize how their words effect others, and unfortunately most people nowadays don't even stop to think about it.

Here's the thing though. You need to remember that YOU are not the problem here. THEY are. You don't need to feel bad or weak for being hurt. I hate hate HATE that we are made to feel that way, like if we can't face super harsh insults without batting an eye, there's something wrong with us. On the contrary, there's something seriously wrong with how cold and calloused our society has become and how little we are effected by things. That's not normal at all. Being hurt is normal. There's nothing wrong with you and you don't need to change. Many people will say otherwise, but I firmly believe theyre wrong.

 

@Bre I'm so sorry to hear that someone thought it was okay to talk to you like that here. If I have one complaint about these forums it's that there is an overall theme of negativity and depression in a lot of what I see posted here. Yes PMO completely wrecks ourselves and it creates the negative emotions in us, but part of recovery, which is what these forums are made for, is to celebrate all the wins we have, from the smallest to the largest. For anyone who regularly pmo'd (multiple times a week, or every day) in the past, even going one day without it should be celebrated because for that one day you were a better person and are making progress to improve your life and those affected by this addiction (this affects more than just us, friends and family are too, even if it doesn't feel like they are to you, trust me, they are).

Whenever I see someone acting this way towards me all I do is think about how miserable their life must be and how it must suck to be them, because I'm a badass and I'm not gonna let some stranger's opinion of me unsettle me or my confidence. Never worry about what others think, take care of yourself, first and foremost.

 

That is TERRIBLE that someone could have said that to you. And it was also plain wrong and crazy! I hope your experience here becomes a lot more positive and happy!! Keep being the wonderful person you clearly are, and thanks for the great courage in letting this matter become known. The vast majority of people on NoFap are decent and kind, but it just takes that occasional dropkick to stuff it up for someone else. I hope you continue being brave, and even if you just joined the site ten minutes ago, and were in your first day of a streak, I would gladly listen to your advice and support you might give me. I wish you all the very best and happier times!

 

I will never understand people that think they are superior. Not on any empathetic level anyway. It's simply a ridiculous notion because we were all born into our situations by pure chance, a roll of the dice. I could just as easily have been born someone else and they could just as easily have been born into my life.

That being said, I know that your first experience here was not a positive one. I am really sorry that you went through that.

I have experienced extreme emotional shifts during my nofap journey. I cry during films, sometimes not even like a full on cry, just a tear rolling down my cheek. Though, I have had a few full in cry seshes lately. I cry when I think of women that I
loved and it didn't work out. Let's just say that in comparison to before, I cry at the drop of a hat. I used to never cry, maybe once a year.

Either way, everyone's experience is different. Not one of those experiences is linear. Meaning, you may feel great one day and the next you feel like shit. I'm on day 34 and yesterday was really hard for me. I was super depressed and couldn't seem to shake it.

I think the more that you stick around, you will see that most people here are genuine. There are a few trolls, but they really are in the minority. I think that the mods are really good about spotting them and dealing with that.

Anyway, your life is precious. You are loved, probably by many people. Maybe you are over those suicidal thoughts, but please watch this video. If you ever feel that way again, consider what this young woman is going through with her sister's suicide and remember that everyone that you love will experience that and worse.

Two of my siblings attempted suicide, they both lived luckily, but it changed me and I still suffer from the experience of thinking about them in those scenarios and wondering why they would do that.

 

@Bre I've run into some real goofballs on here, myself. Unfortunately, you'll find them wherever posts are allowed online. There's something about the Internet that brings out the asshole in certain people. I can fight back pretty fiercely against the assholes (those who bear the scars know who they are), but I like to try to help the good people and converse with them. Like you, I thought this was a haven of sorts to freely express my feelings and to get into constructive discourse on getting better or even, as a stop-gap, to obtain a sympathetic ear and commiseration to get through the hard times. Oftentimes I end up coming across some jerk who thinks he'll play the big hero by offering help in public, then trying to castigate in private messaging. Then they play the victim when their bullshit isn't tolerated with good nature and aplomb. There are some real gems on here (and they know who they are) who will be worth your time. You just need to find those few. Don't trust everyone, though.

 

Bre, there are always people who will put you down just to make themselves feel good. Hate drives them.

For what it's worth - I don't know you and I never will. But I'm the sort of stranger who always roots for others. My thoughts are with you. I'm sending you all the warmth an positive energy a random stranger can have!

Good luck on your journey.

 

Hey man! F that guy who was being negitive toward your 2 day streak. The only thing that matter is you dont stop thinking that you can beat your addiction. Personally the way I see it was when I was doing M and P I also noticed i brushed all emotions away from myself... And I did that for 12 years of my life. Now think about all the years you did P and M. All that emotion is gonna come back to you and hit you like a hurricane. Because thats what happens when you brush off your emotions. Everything comes around at a certain point. Yes, its gonna suck at first when you start feeling those emotions. But that is all part of the challenge of beating this addiction. You can either stand up and embrace the challenge or go back to being comfortable. There is nothing wrong in crying either. There were times i felt like crying and just screaming at the top of my lungs. And you know what I did just that and I felt alot better after that because all that emotion i kept locked inside my chest for 12 years is gone. You can do this man! Dont be comfortable with being comfortable.

 

are you doing better today? hope so!!!

 

I hope your feeling better, sorry you are depressed.

 

If you feel like you need to write, then write. For some people two days is a lot. The first time I ever tried nofap I ended up giving in after 4 days thinking "this is impossible". We are supposed to encourage each other. This site is not yust for writing success stories. Our struggles also have a place here. Trying to encourage others is good, get stuff down on paper so it doesnt get stuck in your mind. With that said, why should you feel offended by his opinion? It is not like it matter. If he was right, then thank him for his advice. If he was wrong, then it is your opinion vs. his opinion. People have different opinions about everything. You are not less of a person yust because someone has a different opinion than yours.

 

It is natural to think this way when you are depressed. I do too, but I believe it is a fallacy of the mind. What if I told you that people who makes rude comments often do it because nothing else works? It may be their only way of getting peoples attention. It is messed up, but everyone have problems. I am not particularily religious but I think Jesus said something incredibly smart a while ago: "Love your enemies", or understand your enemies if you will.

 

I think what you say here is accurate. Most people on this site are here together in the struggle to get out of addiction. Some people return from time to time to give away their advice, but we all want to get rid of PMO and then move on with our lives.

 

Thanks for sharing your video. It was worth the watch. The emotions are real. But I cant help to think that she doesnt really understand what it feels like to be suicidal. My mom told me this Christmas that she tried to commit suicide when my sister moved out. She was so afraid of being alone that it became unbearable for her. She had done her work as a mom sort of. There was nothing left for her to do. My sister reacted pretty much like the girl in the video. She couldn't understand why someone would do such a thing against others. What about the people left behind? I was much less surprised. Sometimes it yust feels like you have the entire world on your shoulders and that you cant bear it anymore. Everything yust comes crashing down. You cant see yourself having a future, a job, a home, a family. you have lies you need to cover up, debt that has to be paid and so on. After a while you yust cant keep up with the worlds demands anymore and death becomes a solution. It is simple really. People commit suicide because they have reached a threshold of pain tolerance. If you are really depressed, you close the rest of the world out. How family and friends would react isn't even a consideration. All that is in their mind is to end the pain. It is much like loosing both your legs at the battlefield, you yust beg for it to end.

 

I concur with that statement, while heartily. I'm not sure what I said that sounded like I didn't, but perhaps I misspoke or phrased something wrong.

 

Hi Bre!
I read some of your first posts in "90 days" but unfortunate not the replys. I think you are So strong to write about your struggle here. Your knowledge are Wanted, your knowledge are Needed, otherwise we all can log out of here and go back to our dark corners.
You can do this girl! I, and many with me I beileve, will climb the stairs with you. One can be a beginner, or even stumble and fall... who hasn't.
Forget that "triggerwarning"-head and jump on the train again<3