I am here typing and at the same time crying. please everyone who is on here and you know that you have a problem please take the time to read this. I hope that everyone that does read this will change there mind on the next time they want to watch porn. Porn to escort can happen to anyone and i know for a fact that porn was the stepping stone for me on hiring escorts. I wish for all the guys here who are just porn addicts to take a look at themselves and know that theres more to life than a screen. For the men out here that had hire escorts i advise you to stop immediately and see how my life of destruction. Day #1 was a fail i went into PPH and i waited for 3 1/2 hours for a walk in, then left. I have an appointment today at 2:45 which no matter what im going to. Ive been getting symptoms of white discharge and burning feeling while peeing. I am having the most anxiety of my life. This is all spiraling down. I even tried to sell my soul to the devil if i come out clean i would be willing to sell my soul to him. Im literally losing myself. I dont even know how i would explain to my partner. Like i just harmed the person that i say i love and myself. This is such a turning point in my life where i know for a fact that im never going to have porn/escort ruining my life. I have hit the bottom so hard that i am just sick of it. I thought about suicide a couple of times which im sure everyone would come across if they were in my situation. My birthday is tomorrow and all i wish for is to be clean. i hope that this will show you and others how porn can escalate into fantasies and merge from porn to escort in reality and the cause of this train reaction can destroy a person and other around them. I have woken up from this sick fantasy and now i dont know what to think....i just feel lost, alone, and ashamed.
You are not alone. We are all here to help. I think it is a good idea to tell your partner about the escort(s), even if your tests come back clean. If you want to build a solid foundation and start again with her/him, they need to know what's happening in the relationship. It's a scary step to take because your partner may not chose to stay but if they two of you decide to try again, they could be the best support and greatest encouragement in your recovery.
Now I'm not at an expert at this but you need to calm down. Yes you've made a terrible mistake but crying isn't going to fix it, You need to think clearly. Judging from your symptoms, You might have gonorrhea which is thankfully curable and it's a good thing you've caught it early before it could do any major damage (I'm not a doctor though so I may be wrong) but don't tell your partner right now, Wait some time, Confess when you're both in a good mood and things are more likely to go smooth. Sure there will be a reaction from your partner but you need to be prepared for it. I hope everything turns out okay for you.
Agreed. You don't want to kill yourself. You need to call a person you can trust and talk to them about it, if you can't do that then you need to stop and realize that it isn't the end. You will need to deal with your anxieties and problems without running away from them. We all have run into serious crises in our lives looking for a way out. If your situation gets worse and you find yourself doing drastic things, then you will have to find the time to be truthful to your partner and let her know what you are experiencing and ask for her understanding. Best wishes from a recovering porn addict.
Welcome to the first day of the rest of your life. A great many of us arrive here after having a rock-bottom moment. Our first day here is often the worst day of our lives. Many of us arrive here feeling the same things you are experiencing. Our addiction causes us to escalate over time and we end up looking at or doing things we never thought we'd do. Our actions hurt ourselves and everyone around us. We walk around blind to the damage we are doing, and often it takes one moment of clarity where we realize how miserable we feel and that things have to change. Our addiction causes us to loath ourselves... to be disgusted with ourselves... and to devalue ourselves. It would be easier to die than to change, but we don't want to die... we want to live! And we want to be happy! And I'm telling you that it is possible to reclaim your life from this addiction. Start a journal. Find an accountability partner. See a therapist. I know you feel overwhelmed and in anguish, but take a breath and start taking things one step at a time. Everybody's recovery starts with Day 1. Keep telling yourself that things can get better, because when you apply the things you learn here, things WILL get better.
First of all, many of us hit rock bottom over and over again, like myself. Has suicide ever crossed my mind, yes, but that was just a cowards way of making excuses for the poor decisions I have made. It's not realistic, it's just your way of trying to rationalize your behavior. You think you might have an STD, well, I'm sorry. But guess what, STD's are very common. Contemplating suicide over it is beyond Moronic. There are thousands of people in hospitals dying of diseases they did nothing to contribute to. They are fighting to live. And your wanting to commit suicide over a possible STD? Get it together. I have frequented escorts in my travels. Some very, very beautiful women. Of course safe sex is important. But that's not my point. Sleeping and having sex with an escort, and thinking you might have contracted an STD is not an issue that should lead you to suicide. You just need to stabilize mentally and emotionally. It's possible your issues go beyond porn and escorts. If you are suicidal, take personal responsibility. Go and see somebody, a doctor, a therapist, call a hotline. I'm glad you came on here to let somebody know what you are going through, now it's time to do what's right for yourself as a man, a person, as person somebody loves.
If your going to have sex with your partner and you didn't use protection, etc, then yes, you need to come clean to your partner. But, on the flip side, it's not always the best idea to confess to a partner of your extra martial affairs. It's something you will not come back from. Be ready for the real possibility the relationship will end right there. You already seem like a very emotionally and mentally unstable individual who's contemplating suicide over a possible STD; how are you going to react if your girlfriend decided to get up and leave cause you had sex with an escort, regardless if you have an STD. Of course, you either need to decide that your going to be a faithful individual or you want to play the field. Nine out of ten times, males who do this get caught. I think you really need to sit down and consider all the variables before making a decision. I would never tell anybody what course to take in terms of their relationship, and I think it's a bad idea to automatically take the advice of somebody telling you to come clean to your partner. Compose yourself, think, even write down how you want to approach yourself, your life, and your partner. Then make a decision.
