My Brain has Two Sides

They are the REAL side and the DARK side. (Forgetting Star Wars for a moment!)

The REAL side makes the decisions, pays the bills, holds down the job, and puts food on the table.

The DARK side only cares about one thing: Getting the primal neural rush by whatever means possible; the bigger and more often, the better.

The DARK side is not necessarily evil, however it can be deceptive and manipulative in order to get what it wants.

The DARK side doesn't care about the concerns of the REAL side. The DARK side couldn't care less about REAL's ambitions, safety, job security, family or health. It just wants one thing, and it is never satisfied for long. The DARK side will repeatedly send D out to play without supervision, expecting him to bring home a payload of dopamine each time in short order.

The DARK side has only one problem: It absolutely positively needs the willing assistance of the REAL side to achieve it's goals - be it reaching for the vodka bottle, eating that extra chicken wing, clicking on the porn channel, fapping. The REAL side is the DARK side's gateway to the physical world.

I can never directly control or manage what happens in the DARK side. But since it cannot do anything for itself, I can and will use the REAL side to cut off or restrict DARK's access to the things it cravenly wants. The DARK side will become my servant, not my master.

I always thought the PMO habit was just a part of me and what I am, and this isn't a way to push the blame of my personal derailment off on something beyond my control. The source of the problem was actually benign neglect on the REAL side of my brain to control what the DARK side may and may not have. I was a lenient gatekeeper!

But it's not all about denial. There are healthy ways to accommodate the DARK side for mutual benefit - via exercise, healthy non-compulsive sex, and yes I even plan to do some old school MO once in a while, but only on my terms - not when it orders me to. And never ever while using porn!!

What do you guys and girls think? Is that a f***ed up analogy or does it ring a little bit true for anyone? Anyway, on with my 90-day reboot!

 

Thanks Perun. The main reason I called it the DARK side is because I included alcohol as one of the addictions. There is no instinctive survival reason to crave alcohol, or for that matter many other substances.

 

Everyone needs to find a thought process that works when the flapping urge strikes. This has been working so far.