Questioning The call: is it given?

Aubree · Aug 17, 2016

Hello everyone my names aubree and I'm a frequent masterbator,
I have a lot of sexual skeletons in my closet and I'm not proud of any of the depraved things I've done in the past up until now to achieve ejaculation. I mean I even jerked off on a girls faces before, plagued by this disease that we all are facing still yet and I behold many things , mostly vexations and vanities. a few namely are the expected goals I set, for Im no stranger to this road of purity and could you believe after a year in a half the urge would still be present? well it's true so I failed while on drugs and I thought in my heart so it happened again to me as it does the masterbator and why was I then more wise? And I thought the continual knowing of this sore trivail is vain and vexing. Vain in that if I choose to abstain how long would it be until I relapse? Vexing because in the past as the days rolled by I am angered when I begun to get drunk off of my own pride not knowing my fall was soon to come. So now I'm back anger and bitter at the fact that I am again tackling this addiction looking up, but happy that it's with you all, for alone evil spirits began to enter in me vehemently so much that I began to see everyone as my tempter and I alone as my own help: so you see just how deranged and idiotic I sounded? So with this I recently read a forum "one week challenge everyone's invited" so I joined in, teamwork now means everything to me and this site helps me realize that as I currently wage the war against my flesh. it's my first day and as I fight this fight with you my brothers I beckon at masterbation I'd rather burn with desire day and night than spend one day dick in hand regretting whether or not I spent my soul in a cause worthy for its manifestations. So to masterbation I shake my fist to you and say TO THE DEATH how much more to be join with strong souls on nofap and its moderator lets do this !
As an after note: rape is not okay and I'm well aware that this spirit too enters in and tempts you when you find it convient that you will not be caught how much worse that the female actually likes it! I'm speaking as one who has actually committed the "free responsibility" sex that it's termed and my very soul is still haunted even after repentance so I'd say as Paul said if you can burn burn , but if not give yourself to marry for this is better than sinning against your own soul. Be humble be true this is our fight!
To the Christians glory and honor to God and his son. Peace be with you all I love you all
-Joe

Deleted Account · Aug 17, 2016

Aubree said: ↑

a few namely are the expected goals I set, for Im no stranger to this road of purity and could you believe after a year in a half the urge would still be present? well it's true so I failed while on drugs and I thought in my heart so it happened again to me as it does the masterbator and why was I then more wise? And I thought the continual knowing of this sore trivail is vain and vexing. Vain in that if I choose to abstain how long would it be until I relapse? Vexing because in the past as the days rolled by I am angered when I begun to get drunk off of my own pride not knowing my fall was soon to come. So now I'm back anger and bitter at the fact that I am again tackling this addiction looking up, but happy that it's with you all, for alone evil spirits began to enter in me vehemently so much that I began to see everyone as my tempter and I alone as my own help: so you see just how deranged and idiotic I sounded?
Click to expand...

Addiction is a life long battle. There is no cure for addiction. Once an addict, always an addict. This is why relapses can and do occur months, years, even decades after successfully abstaining. The moment our guard comes down, the addiction is always there waiting for us. So yes, I can easily believe after a year and a half the urge is still present. No matter what we do to recover, our triggers will always be there. Our lust and desires will never go away. It's how we respond to triggers, lust and desires that define us. The fact that you are reaching out and actively seeking help is a tremendous step on your road to recovery. Regardless of your past sins, as horrible as you think they may be, nobody is beyond redemption. Good luck in your battle - we're all here to help and support you.

forreallife · Aug 17, 2016

Aubree said: ↑

Hello everyone my names aubree and I'm a frequent masterbator,
I have a lot of sexual skeletons in my closet and I'm not proud of any of the depraved things I've done in the past up until now to achieve ejaculation. I mean I even jerked off on a girls faces before, plagued by this disease that we all are facing still yet and I behold many things , mostly vexations and vanities. a few namely are the expected goals I set, for Im no stranger to this road of purity and could you believe after a year in a half the urge would still be present? well it's true so I failed while on drugs and I thought in my heart so it happened again to me as it does the masterbator and why was I then more wise? And I thought the continual knowing of this sore trivail is vain and vexing. Vain in that if I choose to abstain how long would it be until I relapse? Vexing because in the past as the days rolled by I am angered when I begun to get drunk off of my own pride not knowing my fall was soon to come. So now I'm back anger and bitter at the fact that I am again tackling this addiction looking up, but happy that it's with you all, for alone evil spirits began to enter in me vehemently so much that I began to see everyone as my tempter and I alone as my own help: so you see just how deranged and idiotic I sounded? So with this I recently read a forum "one week challenge everyone's invited" so I joined in, teamwork now means everything to me and this site helps me realize that as I currently wage the war against my flesh. it's my first day and as I fight this fight with you my brothers I beckon at masterbation I'd rather burn with desire day and night than spend one day dick in hand regretting whether or not I spent my soul in a cause worthy for its manifestations. So to masterbation I shake my fist to you and say TO THE DEATH how much more to be join with strong souls on NoFap and its moderator lets do this !
As an after note: rape is not okay and I'm well aware that this spirit too enters in and tempts you when you find it convient that you will not be caught how much worse that the female actually likes it! I'm speaking as one who has actually committed the "free responsibility" sex that it's termed and my very soul is still haunted even after repentance so I'd say as Paul said if you can burn burn , but if not give yourself to marry for this is better than sinning against your own soul. Be humble be true this is our fight!
To the Christians glory and honor to God and his son. Peace be with you all I love you all
-Joe
Click to expand...

Thanks for this thread. I want to affirm your sense of community in working with this and your instinct toward sexual and physical respect of self and others. As a Christian I want to invite a reflection on the language of warfare and opposition to "flesh". We are created good. Our bodies and our sexual lives, in my own understanding, are not divided between bad and good, rather, I read the complexity of life holistically. The bad in life is a teacher. There is value, redemption, worth in the desolation if we can honor it and convert (through prayer, intention, counsel) into energy that brings life rather than destroys.

We theology is that you are beloved. Your life, all life, is a precious gift wherein there is joy and sorrow. Through it all, even encountering the sorrow, the intention and compassion we bring to others and ourselves is key to the life we will receive. It was without scorn that Jesus went to the cross. Fear, yes! Sadness, yes! Hate and scorn, no. I don't believe he hated. It takes great love to embrace the darkness and hurt of life, but therein is a path that was modeled by our teacher and is a way to life.

Thinking of you and praying for your journey, brother. Blessings.

Aubree · Aug 17, 2016

zathura said: ↑

Addiction is a life long battle. There is no cure for addiction. Once an addict, always an addict. This is why relapses can and do occur months, years, even decades after successfully abstaining. The moment our guard comes down, the addiction is always there waiting for us. So yes, I can easily believe after a year and a half the urge is still present. No matter what we do to recover, our triggers will always be there. Our lust and desires will never go away. It's how we respond to triggers, lust and desires that define us. The fact that you are reaching out and actively seeking help is a tremendous step on your road to recovery. Regardless of your past sins, as horrible as you think they may be, nobody is beyond redemption. Good luck in your battle - we're all here to help and support you.
Click to expand...

thank you brother I really appreciate that you read this thread and send support , good luck to us all huh

Aubree · Aug 17, 2016

forreallife said: ↑

Thanks for this thread. I want to affirm your sense of community in working with this and your instinct toward sexual and physical respect of self and others. As a Christian I want to invite a reflection on the language of warfare and opposition to "flesh". We are created good. Our bodies and our sexual lives, in my own understanding, are not divided between bad and good, rather, I read the complexity of life holistically. The bad in life is a teacher. There is value, redemption, worth in the desolation if we can honor it and convert (through prayer, intention, counsel) into energy that brings life rather than destroys.

We theology is that you are beloved. Your life, all life, is a precious gift wherein there is joy and sorrow. Through it all, even encountering the sorrow, the intention and compassion we bring to others and ourselves is key to the life we will receive. It was without scorn that Jesus went to the cross. Fear, yes! Sadness, yes! Hate and scorn, no. I don't believe he hated. It takes great love to embrace the darkness and hurt of life, but therein is a path that was modeled by our teacher and is a way to life.

Thinking of you and praying for your journey, brother. Blessings.
Click to expand...

Thank you friend for the invitation I'll search your group and join in as well thanks for reading also ! Like many it isn't easy putting business out in the open but it makes room for positivity and freedom to turn and do the right thing

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Questioning The call: is it given?

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