So to make things short and sweet, I called up an escort because I was always curious and finally went through with it, met one in a hotel room in my town and we had sex. And never in my life have I been more conflicted about something. There were things I enjoyed and didn't enjoy and all in all I am definitely a bit ashamed and not proud but here are some points I wanted to get off my chest and share with you all in hopes of feedback .. *Warning there is triggering material in here and if you're sensitive to it, then may be best not to read, trying not to be too graphic* - She made me wear a condom even for head and as disappointing as it was, it made me feel a little more safe knowing she was more adamant about it than I was so I doubt I got any STDs - Her vagina STANK like... I heard they smell like fish and hers definitely did... terrible odor and what made it worse is she was wearing this perfume or oil that had a scent to it that I didn't care for and it just mixed with the stench of her pussy making me nauseous afterwards - She performed oral on me and I was just shocked at how I got erect just to the sensation of her performing it... all my life I needed some sort of visual stimulation to get erect before masturbating ( porn, images, etc.) - I went limp about halfway through and needed her to perform oral again to get me back up - She stated that I seemed uncomfortable and it was even making her uncomfortable... - The whole experience seemed so odd to me... it's like real sex felt awkward and foreign to me because before that time all I knew was porn and masturbation... and so when she just took off her close and started I was like "wait..." LOL ; Actual sex is more sensory and less convenient and requires you to be outside of your head... sex up to this point has all been a head game for me.. and now I realize it - I learned how important LOVE and CONNECTION is to sex. It's not just as mechanical... and I sensed that was missing and why it felt uncomfortable I am sure because she went about it so mechanically. She didn't even allow kissing. Just head and then doggy style and some variation between that. I felt uncomfortable knowing I was having her do something against her will or only because she wanted my money and so the intimacy and emotions of someone authentically wanting you was just lost.. - After I stopped for a second she was just like " are you done?" and I paused and said "..yeah.. (I guess)" It's almost as if the act was underwhelming a bit though I would be lying if I said I didn't enjoy it some - Once we were done she asked if it was my first time and I said "With a prostitute, yes " (when it was my first time period -LOL which she got mad at me for saying because it was rude but it kinda slipped out and she was being kinda cold about the whole thing so I guess that's why I said it - After I left, for the rest of the night my dick kept getting erect and then unerect, without my even fantasizing like it wanted to be back pounding a hot girl or something - I suffer from HOCD from getting into gay porn and so part of my issue is my HOCD is saying 'you didn't enjoy that as much bc you'd like a guy more' and even during the act I kept getting intrusive thoughts of 'I wish this was a guy'... So all in all...I am disappointed in myself though I did learn a lot . I will never seek out another prostitute I am commited to being completely rebooted and experiencing TRUE love and intimacy now that I know that it makes all the difference. Hope this helps some of you all out there. I'd love some feedback
Hey dude don't feel ashamed this thing can make us do all sorts of crazy stuff. But you are right sex is suppose to be a sacred act between husband and wife and porn can disgrace that sacred act and it won't feel as wonderful if you just do it with a complete stranger. So don't feel ashamed because you are only human and it's in our nature to have these feelings but we get to choose to control them or let them control us. I hope this helped you in someway. Keep Fighting!
Keep strong! Focus on your goal pal,focus on why you are here, and stick to that. We believe in you mate!
To be perfectly honest the first few times having sex will feel awkward even if it isn't with an escort. Although getting your cherry popped by an escort doesn't help of course lol. Keep your chin up though brother it gets better, especially when done with somebody you care about.
^ Why must one pursue sex at all? Why go through all the effort and bad sex to try and achieve good sex? I certainly feel like I was lied to as a youth. Hyped up about sex only to find it was nothing like advertised. It can be fun if you're in a romantic relationship, but most guys would probably be better off without it. How many youths been spoiled pining over girls, beating off, wasting time pursuing trying to impress women. To me, this is no different than beating off with people obsessively chasing the opposite sex and obsessed with sex and with no joy for anything else in life. Learn something from this porn addiction. Sex is a powerful drive and it manipulates your brain and tells you it is far more important than it really is. It's an instinctive impulse to reproduce and we seem to often confuse it with pleasure and when we start thinking it's the meaning of life it creates problems for us.
Hey @Trey21 I can understand how you feel right now, i too lost my virginity to a prostitute when i was younger... and i was also teared apart by this decision. Its a really though one. I was somewhat "forced" because i got bullied for being a virgin... She too asked me if it was my first time and was also a little bit disgusted. But anyways, dont let this get you down. In the future you will meet your lady and with her you will redo your first time. Thats whats happened to me. It will come good. And the first time has nothing to do with the times that will follow. Just walk your way and look forward. But if you suffer from it, i recommend to have sex with another one to make things right. This might sound crazy but i have done it and it works. You just have to make sure that the next time is nice, comfortable and without stress. It needs a little time and research but its done easy. I continued to visit prostitutes for about 10 times before i meet my first girlfriend. And this times where much better than the first one. If you are gonna visit more of them, here are some tips: Better go to a brothel than calling someone. By that you get to meet them personally before something happens and it makes things so much easier generally. You can get to know them and choose one that fits you and finds you comfortable. I had some of the best sex in brothels and it was great. Ask for "girlfriend sex" and you willl get the full expirience If you dont find a girl there that likes you and you like her, leave! Dont just do it because of sex, it needs to make click between you and her. This way you can also sort out the hygiene factor. Visit a brothel and judge by your eyes. If its dark and dirty, leave immediately. The best place is where everything is tidy and clean and and most important, the girls are nice. Where the girls are friendly and nice, youll get good sex. The whole atmosphere will be better and of course the sex will be better. But again, you must not like what i write, its just what i would do.. Cheers
Look on the bright side. At least there was no emotion involved with your very first "bad" sexual experience. So you didn't develop possible emotional scars that may hinder your future experiences with women. Imagine this was with a real girl you like and emotionally invested in. Imagine the kind of anxiety you would possibly have with girls you will meet in the future. All that talk about your first experience should be special, loving and full of emotional connection is just romance novel Hollywood marketing bullshit hype. Or you need to lose your virginity ASAP. Don't let that crap being shoved down your throat. If you feel right to bust a nut, go bust a nut. Paid. Unpaid. Doesn't matter. It is just sex and a natural thing. Just make sure you are not being ripped off and afterwards you feel good about yourself and your outlook on sex. Sorry to hear about your crappy experience btw. Don't let this first bad experience get to you. Laugh this moment off and brush it aside. Let this go and harden your emotional armor. Hopefully your next and future experiences are good and memorable. With or without the envelope in the end. LOL.
It sucks u anf me had to learn that the hard way :/ My first time was about the same.. Tho i didnt find an escort... I met a guy online and we met up and had sex... I didnt feel anything it didnt feel good.. he didnt even look at me during the whole thing and it felt very unreal...and i really turned myself off emotionally...during the act i felt heart sick and felt like crying the whole time but i pushed those thoughts back and let it happen. I felt more like an object or toy...just waiting for him to be done with it. I was just still and staring at the roof thinking about things while he was doing his thing. Sex is not sex unless u have an emotional attachment and love...otherwise its just put one thing inside the other.. Least thats what it was like for me...
Where did I say in my post that sex is the meaning of life. Sex is simply the way we reproduce and an enjoyable bonding activity. Obviously it isn't necessary to live, as abstinent monks throughout history have shown. That doesn't mean the OP or most people should give up on it though either. You don't have to turn yourself into a degenerate poon hound to get sex. Just work on being the most successful version of yourself, go out into the world, then use your mouthpiece and talk to girls. Nothing obsessive about that, just treat other people well and try not to take sex too seriously all the time. If you're doing NoFap for religious reasons than do what ever that entails, but being pious isn't every persons goal.
I don't recall you saying the phrase " sex is the meaning of life" and I don't recall saying that you did? However, it's a common idea amongst people nowadays especially younger folks who often devote their lives to sex. Taking a look at your post, your advice is to be the most successful version of themselves just to get sex? Seems like a shitload of work for something OP said he didn't even enjoy. Not everyone wants to bust their ass or do the career that makes the most money. Society is greedy and capitalist enough as it is, but with people chasing dollars to obtain the desired mate/pussy as well, it turns society into an even greater cesspit. Sex isn't Brussel sprouts one doesn't have to sleep around to acquire a taste for it because there is no health benefit from partaking in sex. Why yoke yourself to this burden, just so you can be like everyone else? If you're not enjoying sex, and hopefully consequently desire it less, consider yourself fortunate.
