Date tomorrow with a girl.

Well, you pushed her away and now she is chasing you. It's rare for guys these days to push a girl away, most of them are too scared and desperate to do this (so, they get friendzoned).

 

But you don't like her ?

 

First, congratulations on all the freedom days!
Yes, a lot of people look different from their picture online; I also believe that in a relationship, what's on the inside matters more of course, but if there's no attraction as far as the outside, in any aspect - their eyes, their smile, their overall appearance - you can certainly be great friends but I don't know if a romantic relationship can result. It's possible but tough. I hope you have or had a great evening together - just getting to know each other, no need for either to push the "getting physical" part at this point, I think.

 

I noticed that someone said something about asking questions. I think that this is a common misconception in dating, that girls like to be "interrogated" and to "talk about themselves. Many my female friends will use words like "interview" or "interrogation" when talking about dates like this. Lots of questions put high pressure on the person that you're with. Think about the last time that you had a teacher keep asking you or another person questions in class as a punishment for not paying attention. Not fun and really uncomfortable if you ask me.

Another thing, people used to tell me "just ask her questions, girls love to talk about themselves." Well, everyone with a decent amount of self esteem likes to talk about themselves. They're excited about their passion projects, their friends, their pets, their families, their future, their stories, etc. The thing is, asking questions isn't the way to get people to share.

There is a way around this. Think about all of these 12 step programs and rehab centers. There is something that we can learn and that is, sharing your own story makes other people feel more comfortable sharing their story. Everyone hates to be the first person to "fess up" to their weakness and it's the same thing with anything else. It makes people in general nervous to open up when they barely know someone.

So, share tid bits about yourself and use "you hooks". For instance, "I don't know about you, but I grew up in East Georgia in a little podunk town that you've probably never heard of called *******. It's a beautiful place, but you had to get creative on entertaining yourself, so I learned how to paint to pass the time." See how that "you hook" catches the person's attention and implies that you want to know about the other person, but at the same time you offer up information about yourself to take the pressure off of them? They also don't feel like it's an interview because they're getting to know you without even having to do anything.

Of course, you don't want to keep droning on and on. Give just enough detail and it will interest the person and give them fuel to converse with you. Also, assumptions can be good. Though, they are kind of high pressure for you because if your assumption is wrong, it sometimes can feel embarrassing or whatever. If you want to make it have less pressure, start it off with a complement so that they don't take it wrong. Here's an example, "I like how quiet you are sometimes, it makes you seem comfortable in your own skin. I imagine that you're quite the daydreamer when you go into that kind of mindset."

See how my complement wasn't about her physical appearance, like her eyes or her face or something that she was born with and can't really change? Women like to be complemented on something that deeply validates their personality or their character as it is something that they have control over. It also says something about you, in that you value her an entity, not just her body or her physical appearance. A big reason why they don't tend to mind complements about their hair or their clothes because it's something that they can actively change and they put hard work into both.

Another thing, think about conversations in terms of past - present - future. If you're someone who works on yourself, you probably have goals for the future, right? Also, you probably have things that you do right now to make your life better. Lastly, there is plenty to talk about in the past, preferably positive things. Like, what you wanted to be when you grew up. That's a perfect conversation to have with a woman. For instance, let's say that you ask her where she works and she says, "Eh, I work at blah blah blah." If she stops there, it's safe to assume that she's not really passionate about her current job. So, to take it up a notch say, "It sounds like you're not too thrilled about your job. I'm not super into my job either, I work in a factory right now. I don't know about you, but when I was a little boy I wanted to be an astronaut." That conversation can easily go on for a long period of time.

I think you probably get the gist of what I'm saying. Conversing isn't that hard if you think of it in these terms. Also, get into details. Like if you went on a trip to Europe, don't just say, "I went France, Germany and Italy." BORING. Women want to hear about the experience that you had going to those places. There people you met, hopefully, or at least things that you saw and details about your trip that will perk up her ears. Think about friends of yours that are great story tellers, do what they do, only give the conversation room for the other person to interject.

That's all! I hope that gives you a little bit more to work with next time you are trying to think of things to say.