I've been trying to reboot for years and i've been having streaks and some relapses here and there. I am at a point that i don't really need porn, i am having sex regularly without problems getting hard, staying hard and and lasting enough. When i started i had crippling PIED and PE to the point that i would be desperately trying to get hard and once i got like 70% hard with hand stimulation i would try to get the condom on and penetrate as fast as possible, but as soon as i entered my erection had already subsided to like 50% and after like 5-10 pumps with my semi, i orgasmed. Sad to say the least, but i'm over all this now some years later so i think i've come far. Still to this day, sex isn't as interesting to repeat many times in one day as porn is. Anyway the thing is that i am in a relationship with a girl i love very much and i think she is amazing. The sex we have is very good too. But now that i have given up porn, i feel a hole inside me. One part of me says that i love her and want only her and the other, the empty one, needs to be filled with having sex with different women. So i think my brain craves the novelty it loved with porn, but with real women. I see women in the street, and they don't even need to be very pretty, but i fantasize about their bodies naked and the things i would do to them and they to me and i get filled with lust and need. It is coming to a place where i'm starting to lose my emotions. It's like sometimes i don't even care if i break up with my gf and no woman ever loves me truly again as long i fuck shallow, emotionless sluts every day. I used to be the opposite of this when i was a porn addict!! My gfs(ex and current) where my queens and i would never think about cheating and i never have in my life. Now, i want to treat women as sex objects, something i never wanted before curing myself. Why is this happening to me?Has anyone had a similar experience? Help
Our addiction really screws with our heads. When we PMO we go into a trance where part of our brain shuts off. There is no pain while in the trance. We prolong the trance because it feels good and is pain-free. While in the trance we are in an illusion of our own creation. Also, over years we train our brains to objectify women. Our brains automatically think of them as sex objects and how we can use them for our own pleasure. We view them as hollow as the actresses in the movies we watch. We are not looking for an emotional connection because we think we are satisfying that need with our addiction. Now you are in public an you are combining the two. You slip into the trance without even knowing it. You are viewing women on the street just like you are viewing them on the computer screen. You are thinking of them undressed and performing sexual acts. You have overlaid a sex/porn filter to the real world. Again, there is no pain while doing this and you are stimulating the same spots in your brain, but underneath it is making you incredibly unhappy. You say you don't need porn but you haven't told us how much you are actually using it. An addict cannot view porn even casually. Is some part of you holding onto it? Is some part of you being emotionally unavailable in your relationship and therefore turning to porn? Have you been porn-free long enough for that void to be filled with something else? Recovery is more than abstinence... we have to rewire a lot of messed up things in our heads.
i went through an ED phase long ago. I did not know the connection between porn and ed back then. infact i thought it would desenisitize me and make me more confident..as i had a PE issue as well. It is gone now but i dont know what made me lose it..i took ashwagandha for a long time..you have to rebaseline your nerves..it is tempting to think porn will make your life simple but it is an illusion..it is like a person on a who wants to walk without crutches..we need to take first steps that are too painful..we need to allow our minds to face everyday life without the cruthches of p,m,o....if u think you are not getting the results ...try hard mode..dont fantazize..coz for the brain and dopamine circuits think is same as real..and PM is same as fantasising..get some other hobby...get to know your girl friend..most women equate relationships to activities other than sex..so if u have ed ...dont sweat it..watch movies with her ,take her places, buy her stuff etc... and importantly dont let your mind fool u that fantasisiing is different from PM it is the same. best of luck
I've had months where i did not use it at all. I've had times i masturbated only to sensation. I've had times where i mo'ed to pictures of naked girls and i've had times i looked at porn(i think around 5 times in the last year), to satisfy an apetite that i can't with my gf, such as anal sex, or that kinky and dominating feeling that prevails in porn. In reality, when i have sex i am loving and gentle, i can't treat my gf as an object. I love her and i need intimacy and affection from her in order to have sex or should i say make love. It is a completely different feeling that when i pmo or mo to pictures. But i love that feeling too and a need to experience it in real life is burning inside me. That's the source of my problems. I know i need to suffocate and kill it, but it feels so wrong somehow.
