Talking to women without being needy

This guy perfectly summarize how to be romantic with girl without being needy.
IMHO its all you need to know.

 

Girls need guys that have something to do, somewhere to be, and people to speak to or hang out with. Get a life first, then the chicks will come. Fixating on women is actually the number one way NOT to get them. Because at that point you already care too much and the girls HATE neediness. They're the ones who have to be needy, not you.

You need to focus on a career and on bettering yourself. It takes ALOT of hard work, self-reflection and, for me, self-loathing. But nothing good in life comes free or easy.

 

Pretending to not be needy is a bad idea. The point is to genuinely not be needy. It doesn't matter whether you're talking to a woman/man you find attractive, or a good friend of either gender - people tend to fall into two types, the "abundant" personality that seems to give and bring fun to everyone around them, or the "scarce" personality that seems to just be there because they need something from everyone - whether it's validation, free drinks, whatever it happens to be.

Being around abundant people naturally feels good. It's exciting, you feel energised in their presence, and you have a good time. With someone who's in scarcity, you experience the opposite, they're the people you feel a drag to be around.

When in dating advice you see people saying not to be needy - this is really what they're talking about. We're either a positive presence, or one that drains the people we're around. Which do you think a woman is going to want to be around out of the two?

So the key to being abundant rather than scarce is to be able to provide your own entertainment, fulfil your own needs. When it's clear that you're happy with just yourself, without anyone else, doing your own thing - then other people will enjoy your company because they'll see you aren't there just to take from them. This is where the whole idea of "loving your self first" comes from. It's not about thinking you're the shit or anything like that - it's about being able to enjoy your own company enough that you aren't just trying to use other people as a crutch to make you feel good, and are completely capable on your own.

If you can tick all the following boxes you won't be needy:

• Ability to self-amuse
• A direction/purpose in life, even if only a short term one that you're aiming for over the next few months
• Ability to enjoy yourself sitting in an empty room with just yourself and no items or other people for a whole day

As for getting those if you don't have them:

1. Ability to self amuse is simple. You ever find yourself with friends and you think of a joke you kind of want to say, but you feel like it's too specifically YOUR sense of humour for them to get it, so you just keep quiet? That's the kind of stuff that self-amusement uses. Stuff that YOU enjoy, and YOU find funny. You have to be able to utilise that stuff without caring what anyone else thinks because it's about YOUR amusement after all not theirs. (Although you'll find, if you do this, other people will find it funny too just because you do. It's weird.)
2. A direction/purpose in life can be found through introspection. Ask yourself honestly if money and time weren't an object, what would you want to be doing for the rest of your life? Figure out a way to involve that in providing a service/value for others, and there you go, you've found your purpose.
3. The ability to enjoy yourself in an empty room comes both from the ability to self-amuse and from developed patience. Start meditating for 20 minutes a day and you'll quickly develop that sort of patience and realise that external things aren't required to bring you amusement/happiness.

Hope this helps a little

 

Being slightly drunk seems to help me. Had what seemed like an awkward date at a bar a few days ago that somehow ended with us sitting on a curb outside and making out. Highlight of my week.

 

True humility. If you are truly humble, you'll be completely confident and comfortable in your own skin. You won't need anything from anyone and thus won't be talking to girls like you need anything. If you've ever been around a successfully-recovered alcohol or drug addict, they are some of the most humble, confident people in the world. They project a feeling that they're operating in a different, less superficial plane than the rest of us and don't need most of the shit we're always scurrying about with.

 

I heard on a podcast on Menprovement once about a really neat exercise that could help. The entire aim is based around your goal; to break away from that neediness. Please know that by doing NoFap you are already working on it and as you gain progress you will likely see how your confidence around women increases as you become further detached from self-gratification that controls our minds for sex.

Anyway, the idea is to walk up to any women you find that catches your attention and pay her a compliment, and then simply WALK AWAY and move on with your life. If that was not clear, simply put, go up to a STRANGE women in public that you find you like, tell her she is beautiful or whatever and then leave WITHOUT any further discussion....By doing this you are practising detachment from getting a result so you do not depend on ANY sort of outcome. It's the outcome/result that makes us needy in the first place but once you put yourself in a position where you no longer rely on this women's acceptance, you no longer come from a place of neediness. By performing this exercise you are making yourself use to not relying on an outcome, THEREFORE there is nothing to be needy about.

I am sorry, but I am really tiered atm and I feel I could explain this better, but hope this helps.

 

The thing is, fake it til you make it won't work.

In my mind, I want the women, but I don't need her to be happy.
I have a business, mastermind, hobbies, public speaking skills, etc. to worry about that is much more impactful in my life.

You're prioritizing girls too high on that list, automatically pedestaling them.

Actually have a life. Focus internally. Build your dreams. It's difficult enough that you think girls aren't that hard compared to this.