Hello. I've been relapsing all over again intentionally. Why? To feel the disqust, filthyness and all the other things I hate porn for, so I could get the eye of the tiger back, the exact thing that got me into NoFap. I also learned the nature of the addiction. It's amazing how fast the dopamine receptors are numbed. I went to a porn site after a week without it and it felt TOO good. My heart started pounding like hell, I felt sudden rushes all over my body, my body was trembling from excitement, my erection was harder than diamond(I actually cut some glass with that thing), then I realized how super-stimulating this is. I bet heroine or some other drug gives the exact same vibe... Maybe without the erection though. After masturbating a while I already felt myself getting numbed by the porn I was watching. Soon I was right back into my old self, the porn addict who was constantly looking for something new to watch. Now I have to stop. This shit has to end. I know it for sure this time. This time I'm 100% sure, that this thing has to leave my mind forever. I feel like I hit the bottom so hard, that I bounced twice(actually 5 times), but I ain't giving in. I don't give a shit if I relapse, but I know for sure, that I can't live with porn. Porn and life can't co-exist in my mind. It was fun as long as it lasted, but it's over. Done. Has anyone here had a similar type of journey? Going intentionally to the bottom just to get back up even higher than last time?
Just wondering how you are sure that you'll get back up even higher than last time? What changes are you making this time? My advice is make porn impossible (as difficult as possible) to get to. Our addiction tends to be stronger than we think. Wishing you the best.
I hope it works out for you, stay strong. I know in someways what you're talking about. But for me, I didn't really know I was at the bottom of the barrel until I started to climb out, so to speak. By the sounds of it, you need to tell yourself that resorting back to P, is just not an option. if you say next week, 'right Im going to M 5 times to get it out of my system' then you may end up in a vicious cycle. Good luck to you.
i have a filter for porn on my computer and my friend has the password so I've gone for ages without porn (excluding a couple of times on phone..) but never managed more than a month no masturbation. Are you giving up everything or just porn?
I myself find that relapsing after a good streak creates such strong emotions that I end up relapsing again and again for a long time. I guess, that "very good feeling" created from binging after not doing so for a while, strengthens the urges so much that it becomes hard to restart the sobriety for a while.. It's why, like others have said here, P can simply not be an option. If we are going to quit, we have to quit for good.
Well I think all you did was make the next few weeks way harder for yourself, I don't really see the point..mostly just sounds like you're justifying a fun day of fapping your brains out haha Personally, when I relapse to porn (rare), I will let myself fap a day or two later without porn so I don't go cold turkey with the combo of porn + fapping fresh in my mind. <-- May also be pointless/justifying, but I'd probably compare it to a crack addict giving themself one more little sniff of coke before they go cold turkey so the fall off isn't quite as harsh...sorry if that's off topic but I wish you luck in getting back on the nofap wagon sir.
I have already did this sort of test and it is actually only when I was testing that the rush (like one you describe) is the higher... I told my therapist about the test, test about how I deal with the images, about my sensitivity, about the disgust and shame feeling, etc and he told me tests were a common thing with addicts (it is an external therapy in a detox center). I did not have an original and deep thought by needing and proceed this test enven while I thought it would help the process. I say this seriously, take care of yourself. There are reasons why it is harder to resist soon after a relapse. Because you recall your brain how easy it may be to get the rewards, the very habbits you give so much effort to cancel and reverse. I also stopped smoking and it's the same. PMO is some invisible mutilation, to not PMO is to respect and love yourlself. Seriously, take care of yourlself. You say so much positive and constructive things on this site, don't dig yourself too deep amd fuck it all up. Guilt will not bring you success, efforts will. There are no such things as saints or martyrs. Again, keep on and be careful.
Thanks, man! My test was actually based on an idea I saw on a document. In the document there was a house for alcoholics and in the house they could drink as much as they liked. Many alcoholics got bored by drinking and put their lifes back together, because they just didn't want to do it anymore. Also, I used to drink alcohol really much before new years eve. I mean, like every weekend I got wasted and usually passed out. But on new years eve I drunk so much, that the hangover was something so horrible. So I just stopped drinking for 2 months, because I just didn't want to. I thought it would work on this addiction too, but nah... And I started drinking a little bit too, so I don't know what the fuck was I thinking. But yeah, you're so right! I have to learn to love myself more and in more of a healthy way. Even though I've already fucked up many times, still every time I've learned something more about this addiction and I'm going to use these lessons to get back up. No more PMO. No more rationalizing. No more "one-more-times". That's it.
