I have been addicted to porn for almost twenty years. I slowly sank to things that would have made me recoil in disgust before I became addicted. In short I am now facing up to seven years in prison. I could lose my house, my wife and everything. I feel like I'm going to have pedophile stamped on my back for the rest of my life and wonder if it's worth living. I didn't create any porn but when I was downloading it, it was shared with other computers and I'm charged with distributing it. Because of that I'm losing everything.
I can't imagine what that's like for you. You will have to face what you've done, and understand it. Life can be awful at times, but it is worth continuing. It's never as bad as it seems, even when it's really bad. At the very least, don't make the decision to end your life when you're at a low point. You aren't thinking clearly on this issue right now, and you won't be able to for months, years if you don't get help. Healing is possible, but you need to find someone to talk to. You should be able to find a therapist, counselor, or a priest/minister who can help you. You don't need to be religious for the last two either. What other people think about you is irrelevant, and it wouldn't bother you if it wasn't true. You are ashamed of yourself, and until you find a path to forgive yourself you will struggle with this. A Catholic priest can be especially helpful in this case if you explain your goals concerning healing. You were a good person once, and that person is still inside of you. You can become him again. It won't be easy, but it will be infinitely worth it. Choose to live as a good man. If you can do that, nothing else will matter.
Hi Lightningbob1964, I am sorry that you are going through this. I don't know what your outcome will be, but let me know what kind of support you need.
I'm so sorry man.. it's horrible that this can have such a hold on us. No matter the amount of time we put into succumbing to pornography, of any kind. It seems like you have a good heart and an open soul, it just sucks that you are going to have to repent for your sins on an open stage. If you truly do open your heart and talk about this in a way that shows how youve been misguided over time and what you are willing to do to not only make amends to society but to your very own mind, body and soul. I'm sure there will be some state of clemency. Good luck sir, I feel for you.
First, get a top notch defense lawyer to try to get an acquittal. The State has to prove intent to distribute and you do not have to take the witness stand. Invest your life savings if you have to. You are still presumed to be innocent and the State must prove the offense beyond a reasonable doubt. If convicted, keep appealing until the appeals are exhausted. Second, become a role model against porn. Look what it did to you. You can influence others, including people on this forum. Porn can lead to incarceration, the destruction of your reputation and family and cause you to become a registered sex offender. This should help you during sentencing, the amount of security during incarceration and for parole eligibility.
My thoughts are with you lightningbob1964. This addiction is a truly destructive disease and some of us have higher bottoms than others. I sincerely hope that you can find peace with yourself in the knowledge that though you did this, you can change and live a life free of this addiction. The journey is a long one but think about how much good can be done from this and how much awareness you could raise for future generations. You are not the first this has happened too and probably wont be the last.
Be strong. Face the consequences with bravery. Committing yourself to healing and breaking porn's hold over you must now be your unswerving intention. Your redemption and restoration awaits you. Ending your life is not a real option. The only way is through. Strength. T22.
Thanks for all the words of encouragement. In my family I am considered the white sheep. Three of my siblings have died due to the effects of their addictions. Two of them directly. My niece is gone and I have a nephew who spent many years in jail due to drugs. I never drank, smoked cigarettes or did any drugs. I didn't want to be like the rest of my family. I served in the Army and went to college. I only wish I would have viewed porn as a dangerous drug. Even today people laugh at the idea of being addicted to it. Hopefully that paradigm will change. The sooner the better.
You tried to do the right thing and it all went wrong......my heart goes out to you.........read as much as you can...be honest and make that change
