How to get back after failing

Hi Steff

I was drawn to this thread because of your language! "What!" You say, "I didn't use bad language did I?"

That's true, your language is correct and respectful - except to yourself. The word that stood out to me was: FAILING Unfortunately, when we are tough on ourselves, we use language to beat ourselves up - "I failed", "I am a loser" etc. But this is psychologically damaging. Masturbating to porn, when you want to stop, is damaging enough on it's own without rubbing your nose in the dirt as well. Could I suggest you say instead, you slipped or had a setback or some other word/phrase that is more realistic and less bruising. Taking an all or nothing (black and white) view of things is harsh. Especially so, when we are contending with something so tempting as masturbating and climaxing from pornography.

Unfortunately, this has become a habit (for you and others). I looked at the first page in your journal and found the word "fail" a dozen times! I am not suggesting that you should not be strict with yourself - this is necessary - but be kinder in your language toward yourself. This is a bloody hard challenge, so show yourself some warmth and compassion, that's all.

 

Download a blocker if you don't wanna binge. Binging will only make it worse. Learn from this relapse and get back up. Write a journal everyday, have a plan everyday, workout, socialize, meditate, stay way from internet when you are vulnerable etc helps. Good luck!

 

Stop seeing it as failing for starters

You have to want to do this so when tempted you have to walk away. Only when you do that will change happen and do it enough and you will see that you do not need it. But you have to get things started and that is by not doing

 

You did not "fail". You just repeated a trained behaviour.

There was an event which was triggering an emotion and that was recalling a PMO behaviour from your memory.

The idea is to learn a new behaviour.

Next time, when the same event occurs again, and when you feel the urge, then relax and just wait.
The urge will be gone within 5 minutes.
And then, you have learned a new behaviour.

Later, do it again and again, and your brain will memorize.

 

What are the frequency of your failures? Are they getting more infrequent? Then you can think of that as progress right? So for example, I had a good streak to begin with then failed, then failed again, and then a third time. In this run the 'frequency' of the failures increased. Yet now the frequency seems to be lessening as this streak is longer than the previous one. Plus now when I am bored, as I am today, I do not feel the inclination to escape into P land. Continued streaks, even with the intermittent failures, still adds up to progress.