Is it worth it?

Poeta,

Long story short: the idea of NoFap is basically about realizing that sexual promiscuity (excessive masturbation/porn watching should be considered as such) leads to more harm than it can give pleasure. You haven't even gotten reasonably away from your addiction and are already - probably still acting on your addiction-based urges - engaging into an intercourse which doesn't even have a romantic or emotional basis, so is deprived of the commitment one that truly wants NoFap to improve his social bonds would want to have. There are also people who ONLY come here to cure their ED; I believe that if they only want THAT, and if they later return to the sexual lifestyle they've led before, they won't get too far in general anyway, and will probably return to their addiction due to the Coolidge Effect (the more often you orgasm and the lesser restraints you apply, the more you crave, so you either turn back to masturbation or become a sexoholic unable to establish any sort of stable relationship).

Your case to me seems like a particularly wicked and utter way to basically 'masturbate with a female body', because that's what promiscuous, often addiction-driven (ask any sexoholic about that) sex is basically about: focusing only on the physical pleasure without considering the whole, so much important rest. And because that's what your intercourse basically was - just a substitute for masturbation - it didn't work for you, because the stimulus was still too weak, you still are desensitized after years of exposure to pornography. It might have worked for you if you guys played some porn movie in the background; then your dear friend would do great as a sex doll, if that sort of stuff satisfies you aesthetically.

So my advice for you would be to reconsider the grounds for your abstinence. I have also noticed that you seem to self-contradict at some point. Like in the first post you claim that you both enjoyed the intercourse and did not enjoy it at the same time. Then you say you didn't join NoFap for moral reasons, but just a sentence ahead you state that you find it not fair to masturbate in a relationship. So maybe you should clarify your life goals, this would surely facilitate reaching them.

And no, I'm not a Christian, but I don't like when people imply that NoFap doesn't help because it doesn't turn them into sex gods after 30 days. It is your life and your priorities, but I believe that the above mentioned conclusions should be reminded here more often for the sake of the less aware members of the community who came here instinctively because they have that feeling that "something is wrong" with their sexual life.

The answer to those unaware members should NOT be: "wait 90 days so that you can have a good fuck again" - the answer imho should be: "your current libido is destabilized by years of unnaturally excessive amounts of dopamine surges. Wait ~90 days and find out yourself that you can live a fulfilling life without thinking about pussy all the time".

 

I'm sorry, but my priority in formulating opinions is not whether someone feels offended by it or not. I wasn't using vulgar language. Perhaps it is provocative, but it is meant to provoke a constructive discussion on the purpose of NoFap, not just the bollocks of the "maybe you didn't like her enough" sort you'll hear from others.

 

Well, if it's rhetorical then I'm certainly not gonna bother answering. The people here will judge that. And if you graciously allow me counter your remark on my need to get laid, I'll say that you desperately need to find an actual friend (without "benefits", male at best) who would teach you about certain spiritual aspects of human relations.

 

Ekhangel- you did bother answering.

 

Hey my friend,

I think you should continue on with nofap! It will make you into the man you were meant to be. Right now, you are building the man. And, ultimately, you will attract the woman of your dreams. I think, deep down, you knew that this woman is not the one for you. She is just a good friend. Maybe you should not be sleeping with a good friend? Lesson learned. Let's move on and get on with the business of finding the one who really moves you! You really won't find her if you don't stay with the PMO nofap goals. The reason is, she won't be attracted to you. Women pick up on the vibes we give off.

I have the same opportunity in front of me right now. This younger and hot, hot girl came back into my life after 2 years of moving away and disappearing. She is lonely, confused and a little bit messed up. I could go for it, because I am secure and stable, but I choose to wait for someone less physically attractive, but who has the other things that are very attractive - the mental and emotional as well. I don't pick up women who are hot, hot, unless they are messed up a bit and I don't want that. Real attraction, for me, comes from being mentally, physically as well as emotionally attracted to her.

Did you ever consider giving up the idea that sex is a need? At that time, you don't need to sleep with a friend. You can just be really great friends and share the times.

Take care and let us know how it goes! Remember, you are a battle strategist! Make great plans to become a great man and that is who you will become.

Best to you,
Plugger

P.S. - I am new to nofap, but not to growth and change.

 

I would give you a thumbs up if i could! Ekhangel I truly agree with you. Perhaps you and me feel the same because we have began to hate PMO for all the reasons that is has destroyed our lives, and held us captive as slaves. That is the most popular opinion of the members of nofap.org. A clear example would be that if we were slaves literally, we wouldn't find a way to escape only to come back to our masters, but we would try to get as far way from it as we can to be able to live fulfilling intimate sexual lives, and be able to enjoy other things that were obfuscated by our strong unnatural dopamine induced sexual desire.

 

You hadn't had sexual intercourse in three years, and with a person you are not in a relationship with. How then do you expect things to go swimmingly after such a short period of time with NoFap? NoFap is not a magic pill, and relying on the benefits to "just work" during sex is counter productive. Confidence, determination and practice will make you a better lover, not NoFap. NoFap is a tool to achieve those objectives.

 

sounds like a perfect recipe for not being that comfortable with each other. I know you have been friends for a long time but that would likely exasperate the dis-comfort that may just be in your subconscious.

I'd give it several more goes! once you take the pressure off and your body learns what enjoyment it can get from the experience you may find yourself excited and digging it more

 

I'm just dropping in, but you're being insensitive Ekhangel, we are all friends and we are here to offer help and guidance. Not to judge or slander, keep it outside the forums so we can remain positive

@poeta "my goal with nofap is to stop being selfish and sedated and get energy so I can have a more fulfilling relations with another person". You stated this was your goal, and nothing in your post said this wasn't happening for you! It seems to me like you've had an unsatisfactory sexual experience and you think nofap is to blame! But if you think about it, NoFap is your natural state of being. We as men are naturally made to not be self satisfying, so if you are not satisfied with your performance it is because your body has not adjusted yet. I will give a small piece of advice here if it will help you: The only things in life worth getting are the ones that take hard work and dedication. If you give up now you will not see that reward, and there IS a reward

I hope that helped, stay strong, watch an inspirational video on Youtube, this always works for me

 

Great post.