Hello. Am Qwerty, 49 years old from the Philippines. Had been NoFap for more than a year now. But there were peaks and valleys in the fight. With the grace of God, was able to pull through. Interested to meet people here, struggling with PMO. Perhaps, we can share insights, inspirations and stories in dealing with this addiction. Hope to hear from you soon. Oh btw, I'm interested to have an accountability partner. Anyone interested?
Welcome! I'm not particularly looking for an accountability partner, but I've done it at the request of others. However, I must have done a bad job, because they always disappear. I don't know why.
Hi Septimus. What was the expectation? You want to hold on to them for quite some time? Maybe it's them not you who have the issue.
Well, you raise a good point about expectations. I've agreed to be an AP three times, if memory serves. And each time, I tried to be more explicit about expectations than the time before. But it's possible we weren't clear enough. What happened, in each case, was that the other guy just sort of disappeared. In every case, it was only after a short time: days or weeks. What I wonder is if folks think I'm going to be "on" them, like a coach or something. I don't know if that's what others do, but I don't agree with that. So what I've said to people was that I would check in with them every day or two, and I would look for them to do the same. And if they stopped responding, I wouldn't chase them. But maybe I'm missing something, I dunno.
If that's the case, then you have move on. You can't have a hold on people let alone your so-called AP partners. There are many fishes in the ocean. You need to go with the flow and let them come to you, if fate finds it most likely. Cheers!
Yeah, I know what you mean @Septimus. It's true, some APs just bugger off. But maybe I have been a bad AP, too! But I have done it dozens of times and I have had much success. Some guys are not here now because they rebooted and have moved on with their life. Some just couldn't control themselves for more than a few days and after several months they gave up. Some I am still working with now with varying degrees of success. I constantly try to step back and take a look at what I am saying and doing to see if I can hone my skills, which I believe I have. I have ended the AP relationship in a few cases, but they have generally been when I have been aiding them for many months or even a year or so and I just feel the commitment isn't there on their part. One chap stopped our arrangement many months ago and recently asked me to take him back, which I have. So, if you have had three, you might have been a little unlucky to get a certain sort, whereas you may well have had a totally successful one, one that you finished and one that disappeared over the horizon. I get many more AP requests than I could possibly cope with. So, I could send them your way if you wish, hahaha.
@IGY -- I have no need to be an AP; but if someone asks, I want to be helpful if I can. So I will neither encourage, nor discourage, you from sending them. Ha! It may be I'm too cynical, but I have learned in life that sometimes when people come to you with a problem, what they want is to let you do most of the work solving it. And Homey don't play that game. If I help someone -- and I am glad to -- then the person being helped does most of the work. And why not? It's their problem, their life; if it doesn't matter 100--1,000--times to them, more than it does to me, then what good can I do?
Hmm, that kind of apathy is disappointing. Whereas, I find the interactions I have as an AP the most rewarding aspect of being on this site.
