Im on my 5th day and keep feeling that relapsing is inevitable

I'm 25 and I have been an addict for over 10 years now.I joined noFap back in 2014 December, but to be honest I have not taken it seriously. I did not REALLY want to quit, I didn't need it like I need food or air. I just thought about quitting and constantly kept relapsing and resetting my counter. I liked the idea of quitting and kept building sand castles in mind about how I'll quit and be free (normal) one day. But over the past few month's ever since I turned 25 (in august 2015), my determination to quit has been growing more and more. I have had streaks before like a week or so but those were not conscious ones, to be precise those were incidental streaks like for example I was going camping, didn't have access to my computer or visiting my parents etc.
But these 5 days I'm throwing everything I have at it like never before and this is the longest streak I have had, enforced by my own will. Even now my will is strong, I don't want to relapse and I want to stay on the right path, but I'm scared. I have this dreadful feeling that eventually I will relapse and I will be sucked back into that same horrible cycle. Thus my reason for making this thread.

I want to hear from others. I see people here with really long streaks, like 50, 100, 250, 3 years etc. Last year I sued to look at those numbers and think to myself " I could do that if I really put my mind to it". But now I realize how much you guys/girls have endured to get there and I have a new found respect for all of you.

I worship you, you are my heroes, my motivation and I want to be like you.

I want to here how you battled this fear. I honestly don't think I will have the will to pick my self if I relapse now and I'm sacred I'll fall back into the old horrific cycle.

 

@big_dave, @Ikindanew thank you for your encouragement. It means a lot. I keep posting on this site and that I feel has been one of the most important factors in helping me stick to my streak. Its exchanges like these I treasure and which keeps me going.
I read quite a few articles on addiction and battling it, a few of them said something on the lines of "Once an addict always an addict". At first this made me very angry like, I felt like they were branding me. But then I realized that this is somewhat right and the more I thought about it the more it made sense. I am right now looking for some sort mechanism to daily and constantly remind about this battle, I am fighting with myself, because I feel ( and deep down I know ) that even if I get a little complacent forget my purpose that I will relapse.

 

Finally reached 7 days successfully. I am yet to feel any of the positive effects all these other posts keep talking about, but it certainly does seem like I have a lot more time on my hands now. I am still sticking to my motto of "An Idle man's mind is a devil's workshop". On major difference I feel about myself is that, I have this urge to go and talk to women more now. Before I wouldn't even bother but now its like my brain is screaming and telling me to approach them and give it a try. I am going to keep going until I hit 30 days.

 

I am really thrilled to say that I have made it to twelve days, but i am also slipping.I can feel my determination and resolve fading. Today I almost tried to edge twice, but somehow withheld my self from doing so. Thus that is the reason I am back here. I told myself when I began this that, I would post daily as a mechanism to keep me focused on this addiction, but as my streak became longer I became confident and felt i no longer needed this. But I was wrong, as the streak becomes longer our determination dwindles and here I am back again to reignite that fire.

 

Here again back on the 14th day and still holding onto my streak barely though. Today I was looking at some random youtube clips, one thing led to another and my had already slowly started Masturbating. Luckily I came to my senses and stopped myself, I feel happy for stopping myself but at the same time I feel ashamed, angry and scared that I fell so low. I would say the first 10 days were quite easy, but every day after that has been hard especially the last two days. I have been really struggling the last two days. My mind keeps constantly thinking about erotic things and I am finding it really hard to control. Luckily its Monday tomorrow, usually I would hate Mondays but now I welcoming with open arms. Weekdays seem to be easier for me, I have a schedule ad I stick to it, I realize when ever I am unoccupied that's when I have the strongest urges. Thus when ever I am at home and clueless what to do, I immediately login to nofap and start reporting on my progress. This calms me and reading other peoples stories helps me realize why I am here in the first place.

 

shit everything just went up in flames, I PMOed today morning. I was supposed to have a date on Saturday, was preparing for it the whole week. Then she bailed on me, that put unwanted thoughts and feelings in me. Last night I was feeling really alone, got drunk and cried and went to sleep. Today morning I was hungover and gave in. But unlike other times I did not PMO like 5 or 6 times , just once and then I stopped myself and fell like shit now. I am not going to work today, going to take a shower and go for a walk.

 

Hmmmm its been more than a month since I posted. This January, I seriously tried to quit porn and got a 15 day streak. My longest in more than 10 years. But I relapsed and relapsed hard. I was travelling a lot over the past month and also masturbating a lot. I never took the time to stop myself and think, but now that I am back home thats exactly what I have decided to do. So here it goes, one more battle in this big long war....Day 1 again

 

What can I tell I relapsed again last night. I feel so defeated now. But I am going to try again, what other option do I have. This time I have decided to make two posts on nofap daily, once in the morning and once in the evening. I some how have to control this because, this addiction seems to be owning me and I desperately sem to be running out of time.