Can external factors play a role in our addiction and dependency on Porn? Can it be that the absence of proper parenting can play a role in dependency factor? What are your thoughts?
More often than not, that is the case. P and MO are often just symptomatic behavior to self-medicate (with dopamine) any inner brokenness that we received growing up or in adulthood: such as poor parenting, having been bullied by classmates, poor experiences with the opposite sex, a frustrated closeted sexual orientation where one can't live normal like others, a lack of self-esteem for any reason, child abuse, failures in life, stress and anxiety, etc. Basically, chronic PMO as an addiction is similar to smoking, drugs, and alcohol abuse -- all trying to cover up pain, as an escape from what bothers us rather than dealing with it in constructive and healing ways.
I disagree. That outlook is too narrow and doesn't apply to everybody. 95% of the time when i PMO it's because I want to. It has nothing to do with how i was brought up, or how I was treated by other humans - be it family or school mates. Most of the time I think people want to hear "yes this caused you to do this so dont be harsh on yourself".
I listened to this wonderful podcast that interviewed physician Dr. Gabor Mate. He makes a very convincing point that addiction is not a choice. Instead of asking "Why the addiction?" you should be asking "Why the pain?" Trauma at a young age is the root of any addiction, just as another user pointed out. Be compassionate when approaching healing
Honestly, I believe the sexual liberation is the cause of a lot of poor parenting. Parents don't want to take care of their kids. They want to have sex... Everything else is boring. Until one day they find that they have no sex drive anymore, because having too much sex does similar damage as PMO. Then they watch TV.
Thanks to all who gave their opinion. I started to research a little more about addiction. I do believe every choice we make affects us in a certain way. However, I'm looking more towards the psychology behind it, rather than "I choose to". I appreciate the honesty, but I'm looking more towards from an academic perspective. I am kind of 50/50 on this. 50 half, we DO make the decision to do the things we do in our lives. The other 50 half, I believe there's a deeper psychological reason as to why we make those choices. I know people are sick and tired of this PC culture and their lies. I know people don't want to hear "poor me". Just as I have made the CHOICE to stop my destructive behavior, other people can do that too. However, I also do think that there must be some psychological reason why you ended up there in the first place. Just my two cents.
I think porn addiction is caused by one thing, love of dopamine. Porn is a button we push to get it. Gabe Deem, of Rebootnation, is constantly telling people his childhood was fantastic, he had great parents, and no emotional trauma of any kind. He was not using porn to self medicate or hide pain, he used it because using it gave him a dopamine high. I am not saying any of us could not use a dopamine high to escape from emotional pain, or bad parenting, or childhood traumas, but when it comes to the why and how the addiction can happen, it is 100% dopamine.
Interesting. So everybody might have a different reason as to why they became a PMO addict. Some for psychological reasons like abuse or abandonment, trying to fill the void. Others, for experience of dopamine level increase. Thank you so much for the reply. Now I have a new perspective to look at this from.
Our actions are based on the sum of ideas we collect throughout life. It is not unlike programming a computer. Of course we are inclined to think our childhood is normal. We know nothing else. But the truth is most westerners are addicted to something, and a good parent an addict does not make. It is the conversations that we did or didn't have that led us astray.
Or, absolutely no reason. I think, closer to the truth, or, more accurate, is that perhaps some people use porn induced dopamine highs to escape from emotional pain. But, there needs be no emotional pain to escape from to love a dopamine high. We can be well balanced, happy, and more or less normal, and still love a dopamine high. But, escape aside, the only reason we become "addicted" is the dopamine high. If boiling eggs gave us a dopamine high, we would constantly boil eggs. If porn did not give us a dopamine high, we would not like it.
Sometimes we blame ourselves because we hold on to the delusion that life is in some way fair. It is not. Sure... maybe (though, doubtful) some people started looking at P for pleasure alone. It is still akin to a bug flying into a bugzapper. Not a decision one would make if they knew the repercussions. Children who receive no affection before age 2 end up mentally retarded. That is how crucial it is to the developing brain. I suspect that a similar need of affection happens during puberty, when you are developing a sex drive - and what many perceive as affection during that age is to be in a loving *and* sexual relationship. That explains why P addiction wreaked havoc on us guys who went through puberty addicted to PMO. I can't speak for others, but P never fulfilled me or made me feel good about myself. Now I'm 24 and have been P free for about 2 years. Looked a few times - completely boring. I have no sex drive and am beginning to wonder if the damage done by going through puberty without affection will ever heal.
