Living in reality is too hard

Ah, my friend, I feel your pain here, I really do. Fantasy and imagination are both beautiful things, and they can offer us so much comfort. Like a big warm hug at the end of a rainy day. But it's false hope. It's an illusion, and it doesn't last. The loneliness is still there, it's just being covered up, momentarily, but that cover won't hold up forever. The rain will still come again tomorrow.

There is much beauty in reality, as well. Pain, sure. Heartache, you betcha. But beauty as well. Unfortunately you may have to go through some rough patches in life that will preclude you from seeing and appreciating all that reality has to offer, but in the end, the life you live within yourself is never going to be enough. We were made to seek companionship, not just from a spouse but from friends, family, even just a conversation with a stranger.

I hope and pray a good friend comes alongside you, soon, to remind you what reality has to offer. Maybe reality for you, at this time in your life, is too hard to handle. Maybe it feels like a constant storm. But escaping within yourself and withdrawing further from what's real won't fix the problem. It's like the Captain of a ship hiding out in his Quarters when the waves roll in. He may feel comfortable and safe, but it doesn't change what's going on outside the door. Eventually you have to face that storm and stick it out through the rough times to appreciate the sunshine when it comes, and it WILL come.

You're never alone, here. And at the very least, you've got a friend in me, if you need one. (Cue the "Toy Story" music.)

 

"Coming to Earth is about traveling away from our home to a foreign land. Some things seem familiar but most are strange until we get used to them, especially conditions which are unforgiving. Our real home is a place of absolute peace, total acceptance and complete love. As souls separated from our home we can no longer assume these beautiful features will be present around us. On Earth we must learn to cope with intolerance, anger and sadness while searching for joy and love. We must not lose our integrity along the way, sacrificing goodness for survival and acquiring attitudes either superior or inferior to those around us. We know that living in an imperfect world will help us to appreciate the true meaning of perfection. We ask for courage and humility before our journey into another life. As we grow in awareness so will the quality of our existence. This is how we are tested. Passing this test is our destiny." Destiny of Souls

 

This is interesting man. Btw the man in your picture, is that Aaron goodwin from Ghost Adventures? Probably not but looks like him a lot lelele

 

The point is not intuitive, but once we understand it then each day has a new adventure within it.

Our purpose is to be exposed to this world and learn from it. We fall, we hurt, we crash unable to be fixed. Eventually we rise out of that hurt and pain and reverse what seemed permanent.

Our learning turns into experience, our experience turns into knowledge, our knowledge turns into wisdom. The highest good is to then show others they way when they begin to fall and hurt and crash.

Life presents us with challenges because that is what it is built for.

 

Don't give in to fantasies and imagination, don't let them control your life. If you let them reality will seem much harder and less fullfilling to you. You have to go through this lack of joy that is caused by NoFap so you will start appreaciating the little things in life more. If you can get hold of your urges it will also boost your confidence and you'll be more at peace with yourself. Others will notice that and start respecting you.
So others don't want to be your friends? Be your own friend first. If you loathe yourself you will never make friends. People don't want to be around who clearly doesn't feel comfortable in the world around him and only in his room. Just get rid of it all (pmo, video games if you play them, trash tv etc.). These things are only a deflection of real life. When you're old do you want to say to yourself that you wasted your time in front of your computer?
Believe me if you stop pmo and start getting control over your life you'll feel much happier and better and people will notice this and start to respect you first.

 

This is a really interesting subject. Not just in relation to PMO but everything other human need which technology attempts to substitute. Games, Facebook, Instagram, Tinder, all those things offer a much more exciting accessible version than their real life counterpart. As technology advances and all those things become more real, is reality that much better? Well the fact that you are here on NoFap suggests that deep down you believe reality is the right way to go.

But here's 1 thing PMO and technology will never deliver: downsides. All those things give you the shiny deal, the best version, only the good stuff. Eventually you're going to be bored by artificial stimulation and feel numb. The thing about real life is you NEED to experience the lows and blows. They're what make the highs so high. With the fantasy world, you are the one controlling it, which means there's only so much excitement and pleasure which you can direct. The real world is open to infinite possibilities that you could never dream of. Heck, the Pixar movie 'Inside/out' is all about that!

 

O young one, the comfort zone is great to stay for a little while, but no growth happens when you are there.

I understand perfectly how you feel. Sometimes I wish life was less painful or that things happened the way I would like them to, but I have to acknowledge I am not alone on this thinking. People has overcome obstacles like the ones I have or greater, and achieved many important things in their lives. In addition, in a live of fantasy I would never get surprised by other's actions, as I can only expect what I want, over and over again.

Bottom line: don't wish your life were easier, wish you were better.

 

I often feel like this. I think that I should be getting more pu*** - but I'm not. A man needs to have plenty of sex in order to feel like a true man. It makes us feel like men. I feel like so many of us go without - it's too hard to adopt the strategies that will make us 'stand out'. This often includes being the "alpha male" which requires boldness and a large degree of outgoing-ness, which just doesn't come natural to a lot of men, for whatever reasons.

Then, I feel more often of us get sucked into playing into a woman's world, somehow ....in being quiet and tame, in hopes that we might get some - but we don't, that obnoxious conceited showboat gets some - and he gets a lot, literally more than he can know what to do with. "He who has, will have more, And he who has nothing, in his hand, he will have even less of what he has..", I feel like it is true. When women see a man with a woman, they go there too. ... It is woman nature. They say, "oh. He must be a good/strong and worthy man...I want to be there too, I like the attention, etc."
It's truly the alpha male thing.

Life is dog eat dog, it is often disgusting. ....Sigh.
I wish there was something I could say.the only thing I can work around this is working in wisdom...which I am learning about, every day. It will help.

Me personally I have to work on being more outgoing. It's literally a skill you develop, me I have to overcome my shyness and literal aversion to being in the limelight. I should want that, right - that's where so many of these guys shine. It takes courage, to do that .... and a bold willingness to sustain that until you 'desensitize' to and can be comfortable there.

Women are drawn to confidence,

 

I often wonder, if it's mans nature to be confident and strong around girls...why do so many of us feel inadequate or, not confidant or really sheepish about this? Is it that we're afraid - of rejection? - we might get made fun of, that some passerby might see and, poke a hole in our sails the moment we put them up? ....I think this. I also think we just have to do it.... it requires leg work, a work on our part, but the path is there in front of us.
Guys we must not be lazy!

I think the answer is life's just hard. We must play our parts, but it's a dirty business.

 

I'd agree. But I think wisdom, learning true wisdom is a part in this, as well. You need that bad boy edge, also, women are drawn to it. They like to be taken ...intrigued. For the op, loving yourself and connecting with reality is what you need. It's true.

 

My answer is quite easy : go out and you will see that for yourself.
I was once like you. Then I decided to go out, hike (solo hike for weeks), meet people.
The real world is much more interesting than any virtual reality : the only difference is that you don't see it that way.

In fact it's easier, and not scary to stay inside and watch porn every day.
Yes it is scary to go outside, to talk to strangers, to do things you never did.
But when I do that, I don't feel real : I just feel alive and I understand I was just numbing myself to what life can give.

I guess you think reality is tto hard because you never abandoned yourself to it.
You were alaways backing off, seeing it as a danger.

The truth is : reality isn't hard, it's just fun.
You see it as hard.

 

I think you need to work on your mindset first. Your negative thinking will get you nowhere. I often get these negative thoughts but I supress them. True change starts in your head.
I don't think concentrating on girls is what you should do right now. Concentrate on becoming the person you want to be. If you become this person you'll gain confidence.
If you think in order to be a man you need plenty of sex that is what you need. I haven't had sex yet and I feel manly because I chose to be so. Being manly begins with believing in yourself and walking upright and with becoming phisically and mentally fit.
Bad boys are not men. That's why they're called bad BOYS. A real man doesn't act like a bad boy. He is not loud and doesn't need constant validation from his surroundings. A man is calm and confident with himself. He doesn't need external validation, only his own validation. Bad boys are good with girls because they act confident and know how to manipulate others. That's pretty much what all the dating advice crap out there teaches young men. To be someone other than yourself. But if you act this way you'll probably never get the girl who'll like you the way you are.
So man up and stop thinking so negatively.

 

You lost the motivation on PMO? What brings you here then?

Your mind is your own fantasy. Reality is the fantasy of billions of people ... That makes it more interesting and creative.
Also, you can't avoid reality in the long run. It will hit you hard sooner or later.

 

Not to risk getting in a flame war - because I won't, but actually - yeah a man's maleness is affirmed by sexual relations with women. ..Just watch the discovery channel, to see that males are happiest, and healthiest, when they have plenty of access to sex. It actually does affirm maleness, but I won't get into this. It just makes sense. It's nature. The more natural you'll be, the healthier and happier you will be. You need to be careful - I'm not saying base things off of this. That's different. "Bad boys" actually aren't bad at all, they just know how to play the seductive edge to match the seductive receptive output of a woman, looking for the male end. Those bad boys that you see, which everyone associates with "bad boy", the overcompensation, etc., everybody doesn't like them. That's not what I mean. That's it. It's nature.....that's all you have to do is tap into the nature's game of man and woman. Many of us have been conditioned out of it....but I won't get into that, either. It's not acting like somebody else, either. This part is in every man.


Thanks

 

I don't watch TV. So I don't care what the discovery channel shows me. You could say the same about commercials. You see happy people because they bought a car or some other stuff. Society wants people to be unhappy, to focus on what they don't have rather on what they already have. They want you to be a consumer. But a happy person is not a consumer, so show people constantly what they don't have. I know sex can't be compared directly to this because it's a primal instinct. But isn't collecting stuff a primal instinct too? Why are humans so excited by collecting stuff? We're hoarders and have developed this behaviour probably when we moved out of Africa and had tu survive harsh winters. Hoarding was necesarry for survival and that's why people love collecting stuff. Being happy is a choice not something you earn somewhere along the way in your life. There are plenty of guys (and girls) who are in relationships and unhappy because they never learned to appreciate what they have.
Correct, they have learned the seductive edge. But that simply is to know how to manipulate the other sex in to liking you even if you are a person they are naturally repelled of. Just look at the "Bad Boys" type of guys. They act completely different around guys than girls. If they would act around girls the same way they did around guys they had 0 chance with women. But that's why a lot of relationships fail. They can't hide their true personalities all the time.